[maddyboosmom]

Well it looks like I have found my birthfather....I got my adoption decree yesterday, and it contained the names of both my parents....so I immediately ran to the internet to start seaching....My father has a very unique name, so he was very easy to locate. I have 2 addresses, and 2 phone numbers....he apparently has a summer and winter address.

My problem is, in seaching I have discovered that he is a politician, he could have even been a state senator at one time....I am afraid that due to his "social" status, I will get rejected for fear of scandal on his part.

My other problem is I don't want to be the one to make the contact with him. I want to give him the opportunity to say no without feeling guilty about it. However, I don't really have anyone but friends and family to do that for me...I would prefer to have a neutral party.....

I am so confused, I don't want to ruin this person's life, I just want to know where I came from. WHAT DO I DO?????? Can someone out there give me some advice?????


Maddyboosmom

[BobbyTC]

Maddy, I am a birth father who recently reunited with my 22 year old daughter. First, you must not consider yourself to be some scandal or some hidden skeleton in your fathers closet. Your father merely decided that at the time of your birth, you would be better off being raised by someone else. I have no idea what the circumstances were that warranted that decision but I can assure you, he has rethought that decision many times in his life. I was overjoyed to hear from my daughter and we are now in the process of getting to know each other. I am proud to announce it to the world. Give your father the same chance. He will appreciate it.

Bobby

[kachex]

I think jthat a nuetral party to do the contact is a good idea. If you dont want friends or family to do it, trying looking elsewhere. Maybe someone here on the forum would be happy to help. I also think that you should give your bdad the benefit of the doubt and try to contact him and find out the situation before you jump to any conclusions.

[BrandyHagz]

Maddy,

I think the suggestion of having someone else do it is a great idea.

There are a lot of searches who have experience in this area, and I am sure one of them would be willing to help you out....

Good luck with your contact, I am so happy you were able to locate your b-father!

[NancyJo]

Good luck to you. I first found my bmom who when the time came and I found my bfather, she contacted him for me. They had not spoken since giving me up but she was willing to talk to him for me. He did say that if was better coming from her, but I now wish I had done it myself. He has a large family who doesn't know about me. I feel that if I had contacted him, maybe I could have pushed for more contact. Right now I am waiting a letter. I am afraid that his profession is what is partly responsible for his not wanting contact. He turned out to be a minister.
But even if your bfather was a senator, etc - are you going to run to the news to pour out your life story? Probably not. He should be able have a relationship with you privately. Remind him of that if it comes up. You don't want to be in the news and cause heartache, you just want to know your father.
Good luck,
Nancy