[radiodoll]

I am still waiting for my mother to decide to talk to my CI or send me a letter. It's been nearly six weeks.

Does this generally indicate a negitive outcome regarding contact or reunion? Do adoptees ever get the intial questions addressed that are posed in the orignal CI contact?

Have people had mothers wait and then come back much later? How much later? On their deathbeds?

Does waitng usually indicate internal problems, religious fervor or instability in the mothers family?

I think I need ice cream.

Radiodoll

[Carol Bird]

Reunion doesn't just happen, R.Doll. It UNFOLDS! Sometimes very slowly. We don't know if your Birthmom has kept the adoption a secret all these years (as all birthmoms have been warned to do!), and if that is the case, she has a lot of preparation before taking action.

We're all praying that your reunion will happen and that it will be warm, loving and lasting. But you just can't PUSH it.

Some of us ignored the "put it behind you" warning and have anxiously awaited THE PHONECALL. Others tried to heed the warning and lived the LIE.

I know PATIENCE is a distasteful word in the Triad, but PATIENCE is something we all have to cultivate in order to remain sane.

Six weeks may seem a lifetime to you, but six weeks is NOTHING. The Reunion will happen when the time is right and all the barriers are knocked down.

Please don't look for dark motives, be optimistic and spend the waiting time preparing yourself for the meeting.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs, Carol Bird, Birthmother reunited

[patrisha]

radiodoll

Have 2 scoops of chocolate chip cooky dough on me.

I wish I could tell you what it means. It could be she's scared to face you and needs some composure time. She could be telling her family and putting those issues in order. I would think the absence of an outright rejection is a probably a good sign.

Although there are many common threads in birth mother stories, they are still played out by individual personalities. I believe each reaction has much more to do with what has happened through out the rest of their lives and where they are today in terms of family security and self respect. Even health issues could play into their response time.

Even as I anxiously awaited that first call from my son, I dreaded answering the questions I knew would inevitably come. I never appreciated having the full support of my husband and family more than I did at the point my son contacted me.

Keep your spirits up until you have a reason not to.

Good Luck

Trish

[BobbyTC]

Radio Doll,
I know waiting is difficult. I am in reunion with my 22 year old birthdaughter. I indicated to her mother 2 years ago that I wanted to meet her. Her mother said she would arrange it and when i called, her mother said that she had talked to her and she just wasn't ready. I thought I would never meet her. 2 years later I recieved an e-mail from my birthdaughter. We exchanged a few e-mails and decided to arrange a meeting. She cancelled it saying she wanted to delay it a bit. Again, I thought I would never meet her. I felt like Charlie Brown letting Lucy hold the football. 2 months later we rescheduled it and we met for dinner. We are now getting to know each other and it is going well. She has met my family and we talk each week and usually get together every 2 weeks. It is a huge emotional ride albeit a good one and certainly worth the wait. I know it can be a huge distraction but have you tried to find your father too?
Anyway, don't worry, you've been in the back of your mother's mind since the day you were born. She'll want to meet you.

Bobby

[shirleyville]

Radio,
****passing the scoop and the bowl****
I think the fact that your birthmother didn't automatically deny contact is a good sign -- but I am not saying that to get your hopes up on false pretenses. I just think that it shows she is taking time and putting forethought into the situation, rather than immediatly making a snap decision. To me, that would indicate a healthy and balanced person -- unlike my birthmom who denied me in two seconds. I think you are dealing with someone who being careful, and careful is good. It is positive and healthy.
I know that doesn't make it one bit easier to deal with -- being on the "waiting end" is horribly draining, but I think, in the end, you will be thankful that your birthmom actually put thought and consideration into this. Even if she decides that initially, contact isn't the best thing for her, you will know that she searched her heart and soul, and made a rational decision.
Do adoptees always get the initial questions addressed in the initial contact with the CI? I can't speak for anyone but myself, but in my case, no. I didn't get ANY of my questions addressed thru the CI, because my birthmom just flat out said, "NO". I had to go on and continue everything on my own to get some of my questions addressed.....and will probably not get most of them addressed. But that was just my situation....and not representative of everyone.
Do you have regular contact with your CI? Do you communicate during this "waiting period"? I was just wondering if he/she could be of some help to you by sharing his/her "feel" for the situation.
I am always here, if you need to vent!
Hugs,
Sally

[radiodoll]

...is a very benefcial food group for those who are interested!

Thanks for all of the support.

I KNOW I have a terrible character defect called impatience. And I know it's all about fear.

I'm afraid. And you're right, I don;t have to be and worrying about something that is completely out of my control is a waste of time.

It's still uncomfortable. I'm not good about sitting inside by own skin at times. I've gotten better, but not THAT good!

Ha! Keep reminding me that I'll live through this, will ya? Going to see Terminator 3 was a great help (heehee). Nothing survives the first 15 minutes but Arnie and a Toyota Tundra. Great for an endorphine charge.

aaaakkkkkkkkk Radiodoll

[bajohnson]

radio,
I am with you on the Edy's. There is a quart of Edy's cookie dough icecream in my freezer calling out to me right now. Bring a spoon and we'll have at it!
I am so with you on the waiting thing. It's the most excrutiating experience in the world. For me, it's partially, "Did I do the right thing?" And, fear that she doesn't want contact.
I think 6 weeks is still a hopeful thing! Mine is months and I have to tell you, I'm losing hope fast!
Just know we are here for you and praying and eating icecream. Now I can blame you for my saddlebags.LMAO I wish.
Hugs,
Beth

[SusanF]

Just wanted to say that I can relate! My "reunion" has been a "hurry up and wait" experience. In my case a search angel called my bsis (without telling me first) and she and I have been emailing until I got my non-id which confirmed I HAD a bsis. (I probably would have wanted to contact my bmom first to maintain her privacy, but I didn't have the opportunity to make that choice.) Now my bsis wants to be the one to talk to her mom (my bmom) about me, and so I wait. It's been six months since the first contact with my bsis, and I've been waiting 3 months for her to talk to her mom. I'm not sure if I should just contact my bmom myself, or wait. And so I choose for now to wait..... and oh is it excrutiating!

I'm hoping your wait is worth it, and you have the chance to know your bmom....

Susan

[bajohnson]

Susan
Yikes, what a position to be in. Have you tried to tell your bsis that you want to approach your bmom? I would probably try to set a time frame with her. Like if she hasn't found a way to tell her in, say, 2 weeks, that you would like to attempt it yourself. I'd thank her for helping you, but be honest about wanting to contact your bmom yourself. You could tell her how it felt for the angel to do the initial contact with her.
Good luck and congrats on finding your birthfamily,
Beth

[bowlx2x]

radiodoll,
waiting is something we have all faced in one form or another. and yes it is excruciating! thank god for this forum.
my prayers are with you.
i think i'll have moose tracks icecream in your honor!!!

[SusanF]

Beth,
Yes, I've thought about setting a time limit with my bsis. I've spent alot of time thinking about it and she has said that she does fully intend to talk to her mom about me, but still hasn't yet. On the one hand I feel I should let her and her mom work this out between the two of them, on the other I just want to get on with it! I think the thing that is making it difficult for my bsis is that in talking with her mom, she is not only telling her she knows about me but has learned a different story about her (and my) bfather than she was told by her mom. You see, we believe we are full siblings; she was kept and raised by her mom as a single mom, I (two years younger) was given up for adoption.

I read somewhere on these forums that the one who makes the initial contact must bear the burden of patience. Right now, I'm doing my best to do so.....

Susan

[radiodoll]

Looks like "cookie dough" wins the award. I go for the old fashioned Neopolitan myself. And WHAT THE HECK IS MOOSE TRACKS ICE CREAM???? OMG Don't EAT that! LOL
You guys are nuts, Thanks for the support.

Will I have to see Jenny Craig BEFORE I see my own MOTHER fpr Pete's Sake????

And say, who IS Pete ANYWAY??????

We should start a card game or something. "Poker for those that wait." What would the game name be??????


LOLOLOLLO


Huggss- Radiodoll (.....mumbles with her mouth full.....)

[bowlx2x]

moose tracks is vanilla icecream with rich chocolate swirled in and mini peanutbutter cups in it...very addictive. give it a try! i guess we will all be a couple of pounds heavier in the morning. lol