[cledwards77]

For almost a year now I have been helping my grandmother search for her daughter that was surrendered in 1960. Well, I recently with the help of a search angel narrowed my search to 5 women.
We have their names and address, but would like to write each one of them a letter asking them if they are her.
We don't want to scare them, We just want to know if they are o.k. My grandmother desperately wants to put the puzzle together before it is too late for either of them.
So, my question is this: If you were to receive a letter today from your birthmother or birth family, what would you want it to say? What would you wish that it said to make you feel more comfortable and know that the ball was in your court.
Any and all suggestions are welcome. Thank you for your time in advance. We appreciate it so much.
Feel free to e-mail me, or PM me.
cledwards77@aol.com

Thanks again,
Cris

[smorey]

I have a similar predicament only I have the possible address and phone number of bmom and bgrandmother. I do not want to freak them out. So I will welcome responses on how to handle that.
For me, if someone were to contact me it might be easier if I was approach as if someone were looking for geneology information, or something else that is not threatening.

This is probably not a lot of help, but it is the best I can suggest at this point. Goodluck to you and your grandmother and her daughter as well. God bless you all.

[patrisha]

Hi -

I believe the geneology angle has been used successfully before. Only problem is in todays world many people are down right paranoid about contact from total strangers (probably rightfully so).

An adoptee from 1960 may or may not even know they were adopted. On the other hand, they would be 43 years old and mature enough to face this situation head on.

I think that I would write the letter on my grand mothers behalf explaining just what you did in your post. Use enough (but not all) of the identifying information to prove your legitimacy.

Hopefully, one of these ladies will be your aunt.

Trish

[bajohnson]

As an adoptee, if I were to hear from my birthfamily, I would want to know that they are ok, that they thought of me, and that they were open to what ever kind of relationship that I wanted. I wouldn't want clingy, or the can't live without you's. I think your post was wonderful and agree that it would make the beginnings of a great first contact letter.
Good luck, thanks for asking.
Hugs and let us know the outcome,
Beth

[cledwards77]

Thank you all so much for your posts. All of them great, now, just how to get them all together and put together in a way that is not invasive or scarry.

I feel truly blessed by your suggestions and help.

Thank you so much,

Cris
cledwards77@aol.com

[bajohnson]

Cris,
Good luck with the letter. Most of us have written them, or some version of them. Mine was to a birthmother who hasn't wanted contact with me. It's always tough. Don't give too much info out, and just be yourselves.
Good luck,
Beth

[cledwards77]

Thanks to all of your kind suggestions I have finally come up with a draft that I think just may be worthy and I ask that you please let me know what you all think.

Is this something that would just make you freak out, or would you read it and feel o.k. ( as much as you could)

Here goes:

Dear ____________,

My name is Cris ________. I am searching for a family member that may possibly be you. This search has finally been narrowed to 5 people.

The woman I am searching for was born on June 29th, 1960 at Swedish Hospital in King County, WA. My grandmother, Jacqueline K. (Boldman) surrendered this baby to adoption through the Medina Childrens Agency. This baby was adopted into a home with a big brother that was also adopted.

My purpose in this letter is to tell you that if you choose, there are many of us here for you. Now that we may have found you, after much searching, we are ready to open the doors of communication at your discretion if and when you are ready.

You are thought of daily and we await your response.

If this is clearly not you, I apologize, please forgive my intrusion. If you are, please contact us by any of these means:
(p.o. box and e-mail) (do you think I should leave my home phone?)


So, what do you think? I know it needs work and welcome any suggestions. Thank you again for all of your help.

Cris
cledwards77@aol.com

[bajohnson]

Cris,
You did a wonderful job. It wasn't clingy or intrusive. I think it sounds good just the way it is. I think it's wonderful that you are searching. Life is just too short to miss a chance to have more people to love. I wish you guys the best of luck and I hope you get the answer you want. Please update us and let us know what happens.
Hugs,
Beth

[chemgirl]

I think that's a great letter... and I would include my phone number as well. Good luck! Let us know what happens.

[bandfan]

Great Letter! I don't know that it needs any work at all. Short, sweet and to the point!! Good Luck!! Sheila

[cledwards77]

I feel terribly blessed to have such a great system of support.
Thank you for your input. I am going to handwrite all of the letters so that it is personal, and as soon as I hear something I will be sure to let you know just how it went. Hopefully I will hear something sooner than later.

Thanks so much for your support and advice.

Cris
cledwards77@aol.com

[NancyJo]

Great letter. Keep us posted. I do think you need to leave a phone number though. Now days most everyone has cell phones with free long distance right?
If you only have 5 letters, I would even think about sending them with return receipt or something like that so you know they didn't end up in the dead letter pile at the PO.
Good luck.

[cledwards77]

Thanks to all of you and all of your suggestions and support, I hand wrote and mailed all 5 of my letters last week on Tuesday. Seeing that everyone I mailed letters to lives in the same state as myself, they have probably recieved them.

I know it may take a while for a shocked person to reply, but hopefully I will hear something soon.

I will be sure to let you all know when and if I hear.

Thanks again for all of your help

Cris
cledwards77@aol.com

[bajohnson]

Cris,
The waiting is awful! I hope you hear something soon. Let us know.
Hugs
Beth

[cledwards77]

Hi all,

Just wanted to let you know that one of the ladies that I sent my letters to called me last week. I was shaking so much I could barely hold the phone.

She explained to me that she was not the person that I was looking for, but that her sister was adopted and that she felt it was important to let me know that it wasn't her.

I told her THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! and that I respected her for calling me just to say that it wasn't her.

This journey is amazing. Everyday learning something new. Thank you for all of your support.

I will continue to keep you updated as I learn more.

Thanks again
Best Wishes,

Cris
cledwards77@aol.com