[melianncrav]

As many of you already know I was reunited with my birth daughter several months ago.We have had a close relationship since. This past week end, I had to go home for a family emergancy. My uncle on my dads side passed away. My mothers brother adpoted my daughter. Well, knowing I was home he asked me to take her for the week end.I felt that at 10 she was old enough to attend services. Plus it was an oppertunity to see her again. Well, when I took her back home I got the shock of my life. Her dad was hung over and all he could talk about was he was out of his pills.The house was nasty to say the best.My daughter said to me since she was gone the house dont get cleaned. Well I had no choice but to leave her there ( with a heavy heart). I live 6 hours away and when I got home I called a sw friend and ask her what would happen if I reported this. Well she said that the little girl would be taken away from the home and put in foster care.And I wouldn,t be allowed to see her consdering I have no parental rights.I would have to apply for adoption just like anyone else if dad was considered unfit.The chances of me getting her were not very good.She stays with family members alot when Daddy is "sick". I just don't know what to do . Please Can anyone help me?

[Sharon]

As dificult as it may be, I think in your situation I would report this. If it's this obvious even to YOU that something is wrong, if the problems are this visible even on the surface, chances are there may be even worse underlying problems that you aren't even aware of. You must call and report this matter for your daughter's sake. Possibly it will be looked into and steps will be taken to resolve it; a-dad will be forced to seek treatment, the family will be required to clean up the house, etc. Usually, removing a child permamently from the home is a last resort. Also, you may still be allowed some contact with your daughter even if she is placed in foster care. Legally, you are still a relative... you are her neice, or first cousin, or whatever. If it's at all possible, I think you should try to get a free consultation with a lawyer and try to determine what, if any, rights you have in this situation. I know that many children in foster care and foster adoptions still have contact with their biological family members. But if you feel your daughter is in a bad situation, possibly being neglected or mistreated, living in unhealthy conditions, you must for her sake report this. Even if, worst case scenario, the state takes her away and does not allow you any contact with her again... well, she'll be an adult in seven or eight years. Being related to her a-parents, you KNOW her real name and identifying info, and thus should have no trouble tracking her down. Hopefully as an adult, she'll understand that you did what you had to do out of love for her and concern for her safety. Finally, I believe you can file a report anonymously. The a-family does not need to know that it was YOU who reported them. Maybe the home situation will be looked into, and it will be determined that nothing all that bad is going on. Maybe the drinking or pill binge is a one-time lapse on the a-father's part. Maybe the house is usually not that messy. In this case, nothing more would need to be done. But I think this DOES need to be looked into by a professional to determine whether or not your daughter is truly safe in that home. I simply can't IMAGINE that your daughter would be placed permanently with strangers when she obviously has many family members willing to take her in. You mentioned that other relatives often keep her when dad is "sick". More than likely, custody would go to some other family member (although probably not you) and then hopefully your daughter would be better off and your visits with her could continue as before. It's a tough situation. My thoughts are with you. ~Sharon