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  #1  
Old 01-21-2013, 11:25 AM
utadopteeinca utadopteeinca is offline
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Usage questions

I am adult adoptee. I registered on the adoption registry last week. I found a birth mother who gave birth to a male on my date of birth in the hospital in which I was born.

I clicked the "Send PM" button, and told her that I was born on the same day as her child, in the same hospital, but that I was not 100% sure she was my birth mother. I told her I was nervous and uneasy about this, and asked if she had any ideas about what to do next. Within a minute or so of me sending the PM, she added me as a contact.

I sent a message the next day asking her to confirm if she is receiving my PM's. I also saw more detailed information on her profile. Our hair color and eye color match, and the attending physician is the same. Given all this, I am much more confident that she is my birth mother.

The next day (day three since the first PM), I sent another PM telling her a little about me.

Since the first day that I sent the message, I have received no replies and the number of profile views for me has not increased.

Now my questions:

Is there a way I can tell if the messages I sent were read?

Did I do something wrong by using the PM button to send?

Is there a recommended way to make first contact?

Thanks to all for info and help!
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  #2  
Old 01-22-2013, 11:03 AM
identicaltwins identicaltwins is offline
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Can't you go on to her profile and see when she was last on the site?
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  #3  
Old 01-22-2013, 11:30 AM
utadopteeinca utadopteeinca is offline
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I registered twice on adoption.com: Once for the reunion registry, and once for the forums (here). I used the same username for both. When I look at my profile here it does indeed show my last online time. However, the reunion profile does not show a last online time unless I am not seeing it on the page. (Which is a very real possibility.) I looked at how the forums list user profiles and tried to construct the URL for her, but I got a 404. I searched for her name in the forums and there were no results. Sigh.

Last edited by utadopteeinca : 01-22-2013 at 11:40 AM.
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  #4  
Old 01-22-2013, 04:02 PM
Dickons Dickons is offline
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Perhaps post a new message in the Tech forum. Believe you will find it under the Community forum.

For all any of us knows the making you a contact may just be an automatic linking to you for future reference.

How old was the posting? Many of the older ones have out of date contact info in them. Could you choose email or address?

Kind regards,
Dickons
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Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Old 01-22-2013, 06:32 PM
utadopteeinca utadopteeinca is offline
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I did a little testing and found that when one user sends another user a PM, the sender is automatically made a contact of the recipient. Hence, my msgs may well be sitting in limbo. I hope the possible Birth Mother checks back at some point. She created her profile 9 years ago and I am not sure if she's still checking.

Also, I found that message notifications went to my spam folder.

Thanks for the replies and suggestions.
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  #6  
Old 01-24-2013, 08:33 AM
L4R L4R is offline
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I'm so sorry. It must be incredibly frustrating to feel as though you might be so close to getting some answers, and yet you cannot reach the person who has them.

The good news is that it seems like she wanted contact nine years ago. Hopefully, she still does.

Good luck in your search. It can be incredibly frustrating at times.
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  #7  
Old 01-26-2013, 01:35 PM
utadopteeinca utadopteeinca is offline
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Thanks for the encouragement. After the initial surprise/angst, I have calmed down and will just keep checking back to see if there is contact.
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  #8  
Old 01-26-2013, 06:39 PM
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kakuehl kakuehl is offline
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I found my son through the registry. He didn't answer my messages and the phone number/address he left there were out of date. He told me later that he had registered about 5 years earlier and not been back when there was no match. Luckily he left enough info that I was able to locate him. Good luck!
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Kathy,



Birth mom to D (10/4/72)
Mom to J(7/6/76) and S (7/26/78)
Nana to: D's S, I, Z, A; J's R,B,J1, J2, M, M2, C, N ; S's AJ and E


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