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Old 11-06-2010, 06:22 PM
Miick Miick is offline
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Should I contact a father who doesn't know I exist?

I know his contact details, marital status etc, but he never knew I existed. If my research is correct, he is married with grown up children. Would it be fair to contact him?
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Old 11-06-2010, 11:44 PM
caths1964 caths1964 is offline
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It is quite probable that my own bfather doesn't know I exist and if I ever do find out who he is (sadly my bmother has died so I can't ask her), I do plan on contacting him. Of course, you will need to be discreet. I suspect if I find out who my bfather is and call him, I would probably say that I am doing a bit of family history, ask a few questions along those lines, and then ask him if he remembers meeting my bmother. If he isn't happy about it, I would at least say that I would like some medical history.

Someone I worked with had a friend who had a daughter call him out of the blue, he never knew she existed and he is thrilled so you never know until you try.
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Old 11-07-2010, 04:05 AM
Unknowndad Unknowndad is offline
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I say call him. He will be somewhat confused as to how it could have been hidden from him, but will be thrilled about the news.
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Old 11-07-2010, 04:17 AM
amc66 amc66 is offline
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If you don't contact him, how will he ever know you exist? Would it be fair to keep someone from their parent, if the parent wants contact with them? I realize that's a big "if," and that you risk rejection (which I had when contacting bfather), but you could be wrong no matter which assumption you make.

Rather than call I would say write a letter, give him time to absorb the information, and put the ball in his court. I think a phone call can really put someone on the spot, and you don't know what situation they're in, whether or not it's a good time to talk on the phone.

Good luck.
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Old 11-07-2010, 05:48 AM
txrnr txrnr is offline
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I agree. I'd write a letter, and be discreet in what you say in case someone else opens it for him. (family, an assistant etc...) Good luck!
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Old 11-07-2010, 06:51 AM
Miick Miick is offline
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Tanks for your responses, I'm pretty sure I will be in touch with him. I will probably go for the letter approach, I just hope it doesn't get opened by someone else first.
If anyone reading has wrote a similar letter I would appreciate some advice.
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