[October8]

I was born in Cambridge Mass. in 1960. I was adopted and grew up on Long Isand. My adopted brother died in 1986 and my adopted parents died 6 days apart in 1990.
I was fortunate that my adopted father told me as much as he knew about my birth mother and father. I have my adoption papers with my birth mother and father names on it. I used the adoption connection in Mass and they found my birth mother. I have a 1/2 brother on her side. I had a relationship with her for 11 years and we are not in contact any more.I do have a great relationship with my 1/2 brother. For a long time I looked for my birthfather only to find out that he died in 1992. I did however find that he had a son. I found him, he is a LT Col in the US Marines and also a base commander at Camp Pendleton. I sent an email to him with no response. A friend suggested that a fellow marine contact him to see if he was receptive to a letter. She unfortunately went into some detail(much to my dismay) and he got angry and told her that she was out of line and hung up saying he was not interested at this time. I am fairly sure that he does not know that I existed prior to her phone call. I also have no idea if he got the email? Anyone know if a base commander reads his emails or does someone else see thatm first?
I would love some help as to how to proceed Thanks so much!

[Dickons]

Sometimes it takes time to come to grips with the fact that your parent had a child placed for adoption. Sometimes that can take years.

No advice on what to do except wait.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[October8]

I do understand that information like this can thow a curve at anyone. He might be angry as to how he was told about me. How would you proceed?

[kakuehl]

You might try sending a letter to him marked personal rather than an email. You could then apologize for the over zealous phone call and given him your information. Let him know you are interested in getting to know him, but are willing to wait until he is interested. (Did your friend contact him at work?)

[SoniaRose]

People often react negatively when given sudden news.

I agree with kakuehl -- after a little while, I think you should write a very sweet snail mail letter marked "personal", apologizing for the way the news was delivered, and telling him that you will always be available if he ever wants to get to know you. Write a paragraph about yourself and maybe enclose a picture or two. Make sure he understands that you don't want anything from him, and that you won't intrude on his family life if he doesn't want you to.

It might be good to send the letter "return receipt requested" or certified (don't know the post office lingo) so you know that he received it, but I don't know if that would scare him off. Maybe you could send the first one regular mail; then perhaps you could follow-up at a much later date with a certified letter if he doesn't respond. I know it's very frustrating when you send a letter and don't know if you're being ignored or if the person never got it...

As Dickons said, sometimes it takes a long time to come to grips with such news. Don't give up on him -- he may come around. But give him lots of space. (He also might have been having a very bad day when he was approached).

[Xdad]

...you are also dealing with an Officer in the Marines... Someone who is used to being in control, and this may be one of those touchy situations where he may not be willing to open himself. In the military, it is often BLACK or WHITE.

[October8]

Thank you all for your replys. I found him right around my birthday. A lot of feelings were bubbling up from all over the place. I am less upset today than I was a few weeks ago, my emotions had taken over. I will try again in January after all the holiday hoopla. Keep your fingers crossed!

[October8]

I can not believe what happened to me yesterday! I went to buy wine for Thanksgiving and there was a tasting going on. My birth father is from France and worked for Kobrand a liquor distributor in Chicago. I looked at the wine bottles and saw Kobrand on the label. I said to the man pouring that my father worked for Kobrand. He asked who he was and I told him and if you can believe he told me that he knew my father very well, I almost hit the floor. I of course asked if I looked like him and he said that I did. I live in NY and this man worked with my father in Chicago. I have a picture of my 1/2 brother (the marine). He gave me his email and I sent the picture to him to see if he looks like my father
(btw my birth father passed away in 1992) I keep checking my email waiting for a response.................
arghhh adoption is so hard sometimes!

[Dickons]

They always say we live in a small world. Perhaps this chance meeting will turn out to be an avenue to provide you with a glimpse into the life your father led.

Kind regards,
Dickons