[tanzy]

Three years ago I found my half sister. Her brother is my half brother also. I have a good relationship with my sister. I never contacted my brother because my sister told him about me and he doesn't want to accept me. She knew about me for five years before we met and he never knew about me. She tells me she thinks one day he'll come around. Sometimes I wonder if maybe he's upset because I didn't go that extra mile to contact him myself. She thinks he'd get mad if I did contact him. I don't understand why he would feel so angry with me. I don't want anything from him. I'd just like to talk to him. Even though I've gotten to see him from a distance it still kills me that I can't talk to him---just once. What should I do? Life is so short and we keep getting older. Must I just live with this? Is there anything I can do to convince him that I'm a good person and I mean him no harm?

[txrnr]

First of all, I don't know that I'd blindly take my sisters advice on this. If you feel the need to contact, and he's of age, go for it.

Remember, not all adoptees, or siblings feel the need for contact. He has the right to feel that way, and you shouldn't think it's because of anything you did. He isn't rejecting your personally. He doesn't know you.

[tanzy]

Thanks for your advice. I'm 45 and my brother is 51. It's hard because it took 42 years to find them. My sister says she's talked with his wife and she says she tried to talk to him about me and he just gets angry with them. My sister gave him my phone number. His is unlisted. My sister is afraid that if I tracked him down myself she'll get blaimed for giving out info. about him. She won't give me his number or address. I paid one of those sites to get the info. I have. I know I should just be happy I got to see what he looks like and I know where he is, sorta. At first he wouldn't believe that I am his half sister. I have all the proof he needs. We all have the same mother. She left their father to go with my father. They stayed with their father. I was adopted out when I was 2. (I am lucky that I got a good adoptive family and that they told me all the info. they knew about my bio. family.) She got killed in an accident 3 weeks later. My sister thinks he just may be afraid that it will hurt his father if he bothers with me. My sister already told their father about me. I guess I must just accept it if he won't see me. But I want so bad to let him know I'm not like our mother was. I was hurt too by her. She didn't just leave them. She left me too. I've considered writing him a letter. I'm still not really sure if I have the right address for him and my sister won't tell me. She could give the letter to him for me. But then again that gets her involved. He's already mad at her for looking for me. But we were both looking for each other. I found her post that was 5 years old and that's how I found her. Anyway I'm so confused. I wish I could just meet him at a get together or something without him knowing who I was, but she has pictures of me around her house so he knows what I look like. I don't know why this is so important to me, but it is. I've found all my other half siblings on my fathers side. We've talked but are not close at all. I'm only close with this one half sister. But at least if I see the others on the street I can say hello and it's no big deal. Maybe I'm just being really silly about this.

[cksmom]

I think you should write him a letter. Even if you don't hear back from him and don't end up meeting, at the very least, you said what you want to say and then the ball is in his court. If sister is worried that he will think she gave you the contact info, make sure he knows that ANYONE can be found if you have a full name.

I'm happy you have a relationship with your sister and hopefully your brother will come around. Good luck!