[kcrisg]

I've been in touch with them both via mail since this summer, and they gave me their phone number long ago, but until now i've not been ready to call. I'm ready now but don't know how to do it. what to say. what not to say. i'm often lost for conversation. I'm not good on the spot, not to mention that i'm kind of freaking out. Please please please help me. if you have any suggested topics of conversation let me know. thing to say or not to say...just let me know. i really really need any help you can give me.

please help

[lovemy2boys]

What if you write them a letter to that effect?

You can tell them that you're at a point where you'd really love to speak to them over the phone, but you are afraid that your nerves will get the best of you...Tell them that there are so many things you'd like to say, but anticipate being so emotional that you'll be at a loss of words, and ask for their understanding.

Then what I would do is make a list...A list of everything and anything you'd like to talk about...Personal stuff, inconsequential stuff, funny things, serious things, WHATEVER!

And when the time comes that you make the call, be armed with your list...and if you find that there is a lull in the conversation, or that you are having trouble grasping for things to talk about, look at your list and open a dialogue.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself... This will be the first of many phone conversations...Make this first one light - and if if "feels" right to go a little further...a little deeper, then do so.

I'm not adopted, nor am I a birthmom...I'm an adoptive mother; but we recently met my young son's birthfather for the first time...and that first call, which came out of the blue, was surreal. We were both so unprepared, and it was very stilted in the beginning...

But eventually, I pulled to mind some of the things that I always imagined asking/telling him, and things started to move a bit easier...And each phone call with him, or between he and our son, gets more and more "normal."


((Hugs)) to you. Let us know how it goes...and this is a great place for support.

[snuffie]

Oh, I can soo relate. I am very shy. Not to mention all of the emotions that go with talking to our bfamily.
At first I would make a list of questions I wanted to ask or funny or "unique" things that had happened in my life.
Now I just sort of go with the flow but it did take a while for me to feel comfortable and not to second guess everything.
I think what helped me was thinking that my bfamily are just simply human too and I don't have to be anyone but myself with them.
It does get much easier as time goes on!

Please keep us posted and imagine a hug coming from us here on the forums to "support" you while you are on the phone!

[jrainbow]

How did it go?
It sure takes courage - congratulations.

[winter444]

I now exactly how you feel! I was so sick to my stomach when my bdad called and left his number for me to call him back!! I did write a list of what to say then completely forgot it, I left it in the kitchen and phoned from the sofa!!!
All I can say is I should never have worried, he was so easy to talk to and the conversation just flowed and flowed.
If you honestly don't feel up to calling them just yet, let them know that, one day I'm sure you will just pick that phone up and call!
When I made contact with one of my 1/2 brothers he emailed that he wanted to speak on the phone to me and I actually shouted out loud, Oh god NO!!! I can't do it!!! I ran around the house all weekend like a nut and finally just picked up the phone and called him! He was so sweet and my guess is you will get the same response and never forget they must be wondering what to say/ what not to say to you too.
When you are ready and only then give them a call, try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself, it will be okay I promise.