[farn23]

Iam trying my best not to get caught up in missing up for lost time. I do have other commitments in my life and as long as I maintain those while continuing my visits and relationship with my birth family then everything will fall into place eventually. I dont seem any harm in visiting every month or so for the time being. I also want to make sure Im not crowding them, but it seems like she and the kids enjoy me being around.

[farn23]

Thank you FC for you advice and responses

[adoptedmoesly]

I think that at first when you meet your birth mom and family it is like any relationship...everyone is on their best behavior. Over time you will see the real person and they will see the real you and you might not like what you see and make different decisions or you may love what you see. Just take it slow one day at a time. Listen and follow your instincts about how you are feeling...those instincts won't betray you but lead you in the right decision.

Good luck.

[snuffie]

Things do get more "normal" as time goes by. This is such an exciting, life altering experience for us that I too could think of nothing else for a long time. When I think back, the first year of being reunited was one of the happiest times in my life.

I've been reunited for 8 years now. I have 8 birth siblings and my relationship is different and unique with each one of them. I can't remember a time when I didn't "know" them! But as we live far from one another, our contact is limited to emails, cards, and phone conversations. I think our relationship has evolved into what a normal one with sibs I'd grown up with would be.

It sounds like your adoptive parents are concerned for you and maybe a bit concerned for themselves too. They may feel a bit insecure. They sound as though they love you very much and maybe a bit of reassurance could help.

I wish you much happiness in your reunion.

Snuffie

[farn23]

Its funny because I only found out about 2 and a half years ago that I was adopted and its difficult to think about how I felt before I knew I was adopted - it seems that new emotions take over and its hard to remember older ones. Its strange because everything in terms of my reunion is going well but I do not feel that happy about it. I try telling my adoptive parents that the relationship I have with them is special and you cant compare the two. I think they feel I should just be visiting my birth family for special occasions instead of just to spend time with them.

[rainmon]

It is very sad that you cannot feel totally happy about this....I kind of sense that you may be feeling guilty because your a-parents are making it difficult for you to be completely happy over it....it seems like they are trying to control the situation... and you, by making you feel guilty if you feel too much joy over it....
Someone else on this forum brought up the fact that; If you do not make them feel guilty about having other family members, or try to tell them how often they should see them or how much love and time they may give to "their" other reletives....so why do they feel they have any right to come between or have any say on what your relationship will be with "your" relatives and how often or how much time you need or want to spend with them. why are they trying to control you with guilt and manipulation?
I hope you will start allowing the joy you deserve to come through....If they Love you unconditionally, they would not put a damper on this for you....
they would want to see you happy.

if you don't mind me asking....why did you just find out two or so years ago that you were adopted? how did you find out?

[farn23]

Thanks everyone for the comments. Things with my birth familly are progressing well and Im working on trying to make this into a happy experience and not overthink it all in terms of how often I visit. I just hope everything will fall into place as time goes on.
I'm not sure why my parents waited to tell me I was adopted until so late. I think they never were going to tell me because they thought I would be better off not knowing. I was told by my mom one night out of the blue when she was going through some issues with me. My dad and asister were not present. It was not done in the best way, thats for sure.