[cksmom]

so I need someone to tell me that I need to stop checking my bsister's facebook profile every ten minutes. I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally, in the heat of the moment ask her to be my friend. LOL

I had found her husband a few weeks ago but his profile is private so I can't see his page. bsister's is public and I'm hoping it stays that way and she will post lots of pictures of them. I am so hungry to say them all.

someone please tell me to stop be so compulsive! lol

[melissa_bear003]

I don't know the history, but what would be wrong with sending a friend request? Better that than lurking in the shadows. If she says yes, then wonderful, if its a no, then you won't be spying on anyone.

[SWGAgirl]

You will never know unless you ask! That's my motto ya know.

[lisa138]

Originally Posted by cksmom

so I need someone to tell me that I need to stop checking my bsister's facebook profile every ten minutes. I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally, in the heat of the moment ask her to be my friend. LOL

I had found her husband a few weeks ago but his profile is private so I can't see his page. bsister's is public and I'm hoping it stays that way and she will post lots of pictures of them. I am so hungry to say them all.

someone please tell me to stop be so compulsive! lol

THEY ARE ALL RIGHT...YOU KNOW THAT IF IT WAS ME I WOULD ASK FOR A FRIEND REQUEST AND I'M ON YEARBOOK.COM

[cksmom]

As much as I would really like to be her facebook friend, I think it's too soon. I just found my bmom in August and she isn't wanting contact right now. My bsister and bbrother have known about me for years. But that doesn't help me fear their rejection and for them to want to "protect" their mother. I guess I am also afraid that it will be the certain end of any chance of a relationship with bmom.

gawd, I hate this...

[Blessed2x.]

If she knows about you, she's probably checking out your profile too. It's a "safe" way to get to know each other during the initial cautionary phase.

Good luck

[melissa_bear003]

I've been thinking about this thread...and my advice would be to either put in a friend request, or stay away.

I'm just thinking that I'd be really bothered to find out that someone was lurking around to see whatever's posted without announcing themselves somehow. Better to be upfront about it than to have it come out in the future and possibly have a negative reaction then.

Course, that's why I keep everything on private, lol!

[cksmom]

Thanks Melissa. I hear what you are saying. I'm sure someone will tell her that her profile is public and she will change it. Mine is private because I want to know who is looking at my page. It's just hard to not look when I know I can. I will have to really think about the friend request. It's not that easy. I could be making a huge mistake by asking or it could be the best thing ever. I have no idea what she and my brother think about all this.

[melissa_bear003]

If she reacts negatively, then she will.
If she reacts positively, then she will.

But at least by asking, you're being honourable and above board with everything...not hiding in the shadows, hoping to catch a stray crumb here or there, kwim?

[cksmom]

You are exactly right. However, I have been in the background so long and bmom wants to keep me there. I'm not sure how to act otherwise.

[melissa_bear003]

Send a friend request. That way, you'll know for sure.

[SoniaRose]

Since you are in such a new (and rocky) relationship with your bmom, I would wait before contacting your half-sibs. I would concentrate on getting to know your bmom first and trying to establish a level of trust. If that eventually fails, then I would contact your sibs.

There's nothing wrong with snooping in the meantime. I would presume that your sibs don't know your name -- so they wouldn't be likely to look at your myspace page?

I have become quite a snoop myself. I have seen pics of my half-bro and his daughters on his company website. I went to his old high school (in a nearby county) and saw his yearbook photo. I look at homes on zillow and see how much they paid. I even saw interior pics of my half-sis's home on the realty site when her house was being sold. It helps that my half-bro has an unusual last name; my half-sis's married name is very common, and I haven't been able to find any pics of her family members. I also couldn't find her pic in the yearbook -- maybe she went to a different school. I think it is all just a part of the curiosity to find out more about the people to whom we're related.

Oh, I am so terrible. My kids say I've become a stalker. I think we're all entitled to snoop -- we just shouldn't get too obsessed. Snooping is just something I do late at night when I don't feel like going to bed. You shouldn't be in a great hurry to contact your sibs unless you find they are selling their homes and moving out of the country. As long as you know where you can always reach them, I would wait for the right time.

On the other hand, I am bothered that my half-sibs apparently have never looked at my personal website of my artwork. I don't get a lot of traffic, and I can track IP addresses. I don't understand why they don't want to look at my art since it is such an extension of who I am. I guess they don't really care. (If you don't know my story from other posts, my bmom is deceased and my older half-sibs definitely know about me but just want to keep me a secret.)

But I know how you feel. I see the online pics and I just want to reach out and give them a hug...but I can't...it's all so hard.

You know they're there, and someday the time will be right.

[melissa_bear003]

My dh is an adoptee who chooses to have nothing to do with 4 of 6 found bsibs. I can tell you that being spied upon would completely creep us out, and finding out that it had occurred would most certainly guarantee that we NEVER had anything more to do with them, and did everything possible to ensure that we hid even more.

Being a bsib doesn't give someone the right to track from afar, imo. It just doesn't. I can completely understand and empathize with wanting family history, medical info, and general curiousity...but spying on someone repeatedly is just plain creepy to me, and I honestly can't think of anyone in my life that would find it a positive at all.

[SoniaRose]

If people post pictures on their websites, they are there for all to see. Yearbook photos are also public since many libraries carry the books.

Yes, I know that it is a little creepy, but as an adoptee, I have an overwhelming need to see a connection with someone who is related to me. I have spent my life feeling like an alien around "relatives" who are not related to me.

[BethVA62]

I'd try not to snoop too much, I know it's hard lol
I've snooped in every way possible online, hey, it's all public information.

I'd give mom some more time, if she doesn't come around in a reasonable waiting period, then it might be time to contact sibs. Trust is usually a huge issue during reunion, if mom has asked you not to contact them yet, I wouldn't, yet.

Meanwhile, I would post something on your private facebook where anyone could see it, if you can, saying something like "If you are my sister or brother and you are looking here, Can we be Friends?"