[SoniaRose]

I've been thinking about my earlier post. I probably do sound like an obsessive stalker. But I'm a naturally curious (nosey) person. I look at real estate on zillow in my own neighborhood because I like looking at houses; I enjoy taking those "virtual tours" as one of my late night activities.

One useful part of zillow is that it helps to verify possible addresses -- some of the search engines will give outdated addresses, and zillow tells me when the house was last sold, so the site can help when trying to find someone (to send a letter, for example).

I realize that I'm an open book too. My family has an uncommon last name, and my husband and kids are all over the Net -- newspapers articles, etc. Anyone googling our last name could come up with what my husband does for a living, his donations to an alumni assoc., etc. Anyone can find out all about my kids -- where they went to school, their achievements and awards, their athletic scores, etc. They're on Youtube as well. Yes, I have "snooped" on my own family just to see what's out there.

But I hope I'm not a stalker -- just a very curious adoptee. I really wanted to see what my half-sibs looked like in high school since I have never seen a picture of my bmom. I was just looking to see if they looked like me at that age and to get an idea of my bmom's facial features.

Sorry if anyone thinks I have crossed the line.

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by SoniaRose

If people post pictures on their websites, they are there for all to see. Yearbook photos are also public since many libraries carry the books.

Yes, I know that it is a little creepy, but as an adoptee, I have an overwhelming need to see a connection with someone who is related to me. I have spent my life feeling like an alien around "relatives" who are not related to me.

I get that...but not the real estate listing, etc. That's kinda beyond to me.
*shrugs*

Just glad I'm savvy enough to keep us from being followed online.

[melissa_bear003]

We posted at the same time, lol

I think everyone has their own idea of boundries, whats ok, and whats not.

For me, I tend to be very private, so the idea of one of dh's bsibs checking out how our home was decorated, etc would send me over the edge. Then again, I'm VERY cautious about whats online and where. I go through and delete pics *note to self, there are pics here to get rid of* and keep everything set to private for that very reason, so people can't snoop without my knowlege.

Just the idea of someone eavesdropping on my life would bother me immensely. If you want in my life, then ask. But I also expect a 'no' to be respected, kwim? Someone checking us out online/etc after being told no would feel like an invasion.

But, as I said, I'm very private and protective of my family.

[wishfulthinker]

I really don't think it's creepy at all to by nosing around the internet at pictures of members of your bfamily. I wish I had names and access to pictures online for my bfamily - I'd be looking for sure. If pictures are posted on the internet, then they're there for the public to look it. There's nothing wrong with that.

I can imagine that it would be possible for the looking at pictures to become an obsession. I would just say to limit yourself to looking maybe once a day or something so that you don't drive yourself crazy.

[BrockBaby]

The whole point of facebook, myspace, ect is for people to look at it. If you don't have it on private, then you must know that people are going to look at it that you might not know. If she knows about you, then she knows you might look her up...maybe hers isn't on private in hopes that you will find it!

I do not think you are creepy at all!!!!!

[SoniaRose]

I am actually very private also. We all need to be savvy in protecting ourselves.

I recently found out that our Amazon wish lists are visible to anyone who types in our name or email address. So we need to be careful about not listing any embarrassing titles. LOL. I also have been able to see what people I know have purchased on eBay (now that's really creepy), so I keep my user ID to myself and have a separate email acct.

A search for me on Google will reveal innocuous facts such as my attendance at parent meetings for the high school music dept. My son recently responded to a silly question in his college newspaper, and his quote now comes up when googling his name. My daughter's work ID photograph also appears when searching images under her name. There is no privacy anymore, especially for people with uncommon last names.

The information is out there -- to pry or not to pry, that is the question...

I'd be curious to find out what else other adoptees have done to search for facts on their bfamilies. I'm sure I'm not alone.

cksmom,
I like the suggestion by bethVA62 about posting a message asking your sibs to contact you, but I'm not familiar with how facebook works, so is that possible? Do they have any idea of your name?

[winter444]

I don't think it's creepy at all, you are curious, that's it.

Plus when people put stuff up on the internet they should already know if it's not set to private, anyone can see.

You say your bmom wants to keep you in the background, (that alone hurts, I know) you can always write to her and let her know you would like to contact your siblings, at least you are letting her know and giving her the chance to tell them. Then go from there, if you don't get a reply I would contact them then. I know how difficult this is, we second guess ourselves all the time and worry about everything.

PS: Meant to say that after giving your bmom time to come around then contact her about your sibs.

[BethVA62]

Who could blame us for wanting to see even a glimpse or a clue of what has been forbidden for so long.

maybe the snooping is kind of like porno - a little might not hurt, but all the time could be big trouble LOL sorry
maybe the creepiness comes from looking at the forbidden or censored.

But it is not forbidden online, it's public info if you can see it.
Like tax/property records, live close up satelite images, they even have videos of "what's next door" now in many suburban and city neighborhoods, workers comp records, individuals state court records, certain types of credit reporting, professionals search engines, awards and ceremonies, classmates, ancestry, birth, marriage and death info, big brother has arrived..... i'll think of more, it's been a while for me, I'm all snooped out, I've seen everything for real now!

My daughter checks out every guy before she goes out with him online. She says check at least 7 search engines, at the minimum! Nothin wrong with that.

I don't think it ever hurts to be prepared, knowledgeable and as informed as possible about people, places or things you are about to come into contact with. Especially those that you have a real interest in.

think about it, they may be your sibs, but they are strangers. stranger danger and all of that. it could be kind of dumb going into it blind if you don't have too.

Looking a little never hurt anyone, as long as it doesn't go further than looking, I wouldn't worry about it.

I don't know much about facebook or if it's possible to be found as private or whatever. Maybe you could open a new public site just for bsibs to find, that way when they are snooping, they could only find out so much, or only what you wanted them to see first about you.

try spending time looking up ancestry or a lost friend, anything to keep away from your sisters page for a while LOL

wishing you all the patience you can muster and then some
hang in there

[cksmom]

I understand where Melissa is coming from. I am well aware that It could be deemed as creepy, hence this thread. But Melissa and I mean this with the utmost respect, unless you are an adoptee/bfamily that wants contact, you have no idea how this feels.

My bmom never said she didn't want me contacting my siblings. She said that they would probably want to meet me someday. I am not sure if they know my full name. I wonder if she was forwarding my emails to them to read. She mentioned some feedback bsister had given her regarding me. if that's the case, she would obviously know my name and email.

I know that bmom was shocked that I was able to find her using the internet. I don't think she had any clue how much information you can get. She was really shocked that I had read her dad's obituary from 10 years ago online.

I have thought about making my profile public for this very purpose. Anyway, I am definately going to give this some more time. My priority is bmom and that relationship right now.

[melissa_bear003]

You're right, I don't know how it feels, exactly.

I did search and find my bdad, and bbro. I did search for my dh, and found that his bdad was deceased. So, I know what the search is like.

I also know from the opposite side of the fence, of those not wanting contact but potentially being searched for. That's why I spoke up, because I know how my dh and I would feel about it, and to kind of give you a heads up. I don't want you doing something now that might pose a problem in a potential future relationship. I know that for us, the idea that someone had been watching us online for a while without contact, it would definately have a negative impact on the budding relationship, and I just didn't want you to possibly be in that position.

I totally understand the curiousity and need to search. I really, truly do. Had it myself, for myself, and for my dh. So I do get it. Honest.