[radmom65]

I was adopted by my paternal grandparents when I was three years old. I also had a brother who was one year younger than me and he was adopted by our paternal grandmothers sister (we grew up as cousins). There was also a sister, only months old, who was adopted by a maternal aunt - I never met her. The birthmom was abusive and neglectful and her children were taken from her - she did however go on to have two more live births. One stayed with her the other with our birth father.

I found out about my adoption by my birthmom as I stood outside my school - I was 11 years old and had no clue. I was also made to promise not to tell ANYONE that I knew about it - because they might take me away. I told my niece - who told her mom - who told my mom - who panicked and sold our house. For the next 8 years I was told horror stories about my birth mom and the abuse she not only delivered on me, but on the others as well. I was told how my birth father never cared what she did to us because after all we were "her children". I was also given the task as EVERY family get together to make sure the 4th sibling never told my brother (the one who was a year younger than me). I was made to distruct and dislike her because they all made her out to be just like our birth mom. Then, when I was 19, one of my adoptive brothers was killed in an auto accident. He was my best friend and I was devestated. It was then that my brother, now 18, found out about me. A year and a half later, my adoptive mother died, then my brothers adoptive mother became ill and she made sure he and I had a relationship before she passed away. Then his dad died. Then another adoptive brother died. Then my adoptive father died.

2 years ago, my biological brother died. I was 41. and 2 months after that, my birth father passed away. My birth sister had gone to my brothers funeral and at that time, she gave me her phone numbers. Now realize, I'd known her all my life and at that moment my entire family as I knew it was gone - I felt alone and she offered something that I wasn't sure I wanted. I didn't want to get close to someone again - they all die. After talking to her, I also found out that the little sister that had been adopted when my brother and were, was also gone.

There were only 3 of us left - me, her and the youngest brother. He lives out of state and I've only seen him twice in the last 2 years. She has what I no longer have - a family. A husband (I'm divorced), two kids (I have my daughter and she IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE), two step brothers and two step sisters-in-laws. Her step mom, a brother - the whole thing and I just feel like I just don't fit in. I feel like there's nothing in common and I'm a third wheel.

What do I do? I don't know how to let go of all that I used to know about her and the family and everything and I don't know how to let her in.

I'm sorry this was kind of long but would completely appreciate any thoughts, ideas or advice. Something to help me move forward.

[Jackiejdajda]

I am so sorry you have had such a difficult life..
My suggestion would be to just start over.. start with today and go on from there..

Pay attention to right now..

Jackie

[TxMom65]

I really don't have any advice, just wanted you to know I read this. It was something I needed today to see the importance of birthfamily relationships.

I don't know if you have tried counseling. It won't make all of this better, but will help you to get your feelings sorted out.