[bprice215]

Yes me and my adopted daughter are in reunion, if you could call it that. Please don't get me wrong I'm far happier today than I was yesterday because I now know she's okay, and she was raised by two wonderful human beings that truely loved my daughter. That bothered me to know end, just wanting to know if she was okay. I see she was happy and had a full life with her new family. A life I had no idea existed, until recently. I have so much I'd still like to share with her and so much I'd still love to learn about her. My problem is she's still young, and I dare not run the risk of driving her away. Although we still email from time to time, I'm finding it very difficulit to learn anything more than what I already know, which isn't much. I was wondering if anybody else out there was in a similar situation as I find myself in. I need to tell her I love her unconditionally and that's forever, but I can't for fear of driving her away. So what am I to do?

bprice215

[Jackiejdajda]

Love is a verb.. its an action.. and if she is not ready to share more.. or be more.. then give her the time..
Find a support group is my suggestion..
Us?

I find writing my stuff up on boards like this or private birthmom boards that do not have an agenda helps..

Watch out for the agendas..

There are so many stages of reunion.. so many things to learn and sort..

Jackie

[snuffie]

You could write your feelings in a letter to her. You don't need to give it to her just yet. You can wait until the time is right.

[Patti3]

Hi! I'm an adoptee in the reunion process...reunited now with my bmom, and hopefully with my bdad soon in the future. I'd like to say that I'm young too, but since I'm 28 I don't think I count as young anymore! I certainly can't speak for all adoptees, and obviously each of our situations are different, but I would imagine she would like to know how you feel. I grew up in a closed adoption and with a bazillion questions, mostly if my 'parents' even remembered me, let alone loved me or cared! It would probably be wierd to hear at first, but I would LOVE to know how bdad feels, and would be thilled to hear of his feelings. You probably don't need to go too indepth right now, specially if she is young yet, but it might be nice for her to hear.

I think sometimes it's easy for adoptees (for myself anyway!) to think that the bdad probably just ran from the situation, especially when we have no knowledge of what happened, not a single answer to any of our questions. And who could blame him if he were young...not sure what your situation was, but I guess we all try to rationalize somehow. To know that he even cared, or LOVED! would be such a wonderful thing to hear

Sorry about the rambling! Just thinking about it all makes my hands shake! I am very excited to hear about your reunion, and I hope that only the best comes from it all. Good luck!

[quilliam]

In this case, he's not young at the age of 54. My fiancee' has been in reunion with his Bmom for five months now and last week for the first time she told him, "that she loved him." It made him feel much better, as he always wondered if she did love him. He's just not ready to say it back to her, although he has already admitted, that he does love her back.
In a little over three months we will be married and we have already asked her and her husband (not the birth father) to attend and they would be very happy to do so! It's going to be a Very Special Wedding Day.

[lisad70]

That's tricky. As a reunited adoptee, I found hearing that my mother had an unconditional love for me to be very reassuring. I had been the one who found her, and I had feared rejection, so that eased my fears substantially.

However, I am 37 and a mother myself. There is so much more that I understand now, that I wouldn't have if I were let's say 18. In my younger years a statement like that might have thrown me for a loop...I don't think I would have known what to do with it.

I think you are wise to bide your time expressing those feeling directly to her. Could you work more on the "learning more about her"? Express how much you've wondered over the years and ask direct questions. Maybe think of some things that she may have wondered about you & share them...about when you were her age perhaps?

Just a thought...every situation is SO different, I think you need to go with your gut instinct on this. And remember, all you can do is your best! It is impossible to predict the reactions of others!

[rainmon]

yes , to tell her you have always wondered about her and her life would be nice, also asking if she likes music. what kind? Art? what kind? sports,what kind? and what is her favorite subject
in school, does she like to read, write, and any other hobbies, what does she like to do on week-ends.. etc...
kids have a lot of energy so she may be involved in "lots" of things you can talk about.
and see if there is anything that you were interested in too at her age...
Adoptee's love comparisons with birth familys.
How old is she? I'm not sure you said.

[rainmon]

well, I just read back some.... and see that your daughter is an adult now....but you could still ask her some of those questions, if you have not yet and like I said before, finding comparisons in each other is always great !! if you have her address, getting little thinking of you cards in the mail are always nice to get. have you shared any of your childhood pictures with her? her Grandparents ...etc....
family stories, history that she may someday want to pass on also? if it is written down she will always have it. sometimes it is hard to remember everything someone tells you in person, especially when your nervous.

[rainmon]

but, maybe not ask all these questions at once, but everytime you email or send a "thinking of you" card in the mail ...ask a couple of them. just say , by the way, what is your favorite color ?.... favorite flower, favorite ethnic foods, type of movie, movie star, entertainer, music...vacation spot.. etc.....it shows that you are interested in her, and you will slowly get to know her.

[bprice215]

Thanks to all, I really need to hear what you guys said. I just emailed my daughter and asked some specific question. Even told her it was okay to tell me no. I'll let you know her response. Again thanks.
bprice215

[rainmon]

bprice, so... any word? have ya heard back yet?

[bprice215]

No I have not heard a word from my daughter yet. Still I'm hoping for something.
bprice215

[lilolil]

I know this is a little late... but i'm intrigued did u hear from her? I hope it's all working out for you!!! i really do!!!