[susanasully]

Hi there! I'm an adult adoptee in reunion with my BMom for over 7 years. I have not yet searched for BFather, for many reasons.

I am compiling a list of things to think about and/or do before searching (could be a potential article... imagine if I got it published?). I'm primarily aiming this list at adult adoptees, but I suspect some of the same things might apply to birthparents searching for their birthchildren.

Here are a few items straight out of my head. I appreciate any comments and suggestions!

1. Read reunion stories - find books in your local library, on Amazon, and in online forums like this.
2. Talk to your adoptive parents and adoptive family members - you may be surprised at how much helpful information they have, and they may be a source of emotional support.
3. Write down what you hope the result of your search will be - medical info only? A relationship? Personal information about why you were placed for adoption?
4. Think about the image you have of your birthparents - what do you imagine about their life, their reasons for placing you for adoption? Now, imagine you find out the story is completely different - how might that make you feel?
5. Prepare for rejection - sometimes, birthfamily members just are not ready for contact.
6. Assemble a support system - searching ain't for the faint of heart. Don't go it alone.
7...... Help me out here!

[Jackiejdajda]

1. Read reunion stories - find books in your local library, on Amazon, and in online forums like this.

And read books on how to be solid in self.. Maybe sort the primal wound.. and get right with it.. understand that this is real and needs to be looked at and or grieved..

And on terms of the birthparent (some) sort the grief that was not sorted when baby was first relinquished..

2. Talk to your adoptive parents and adoptive family members - you may be surprised at how much helpful information they have, and they may be a source of emotional support.

And know that some of the information may be wrong..
Someone may have written something down and then changed it.. or translated it wrong..
Or was making a judgment when a judgment need not have been made..

3. Write down what you hope the result of your search will be - medical info only? A relationship? Personal information about why you were placed for adoption?

And also learn about being open to new things.. new information.. Keep an open mind..

4. Think about the image you have of your birthparents - what do you imagine about their life, their reasons for placing you for adoption? Now, imagine you find out the story is completely different - how might that make you feel?

Learn how to understand that the fantasy reunion is probably not going to happen.. and get solid in self in case there have been problems..

5. Prepare for rejection - sometimes, birthfamily members just are not ready for contact.

Learn about what keeping secrets can do to a person.
Learn about what it was like at the time of the relinquishment.. the history.. the moors of society.. the rules.

6. Assemble a support system - searching ain't for the faint of heart. Don't go it alone.

Find folks that have walked the walk.. but do not let them take over.. be in control of YOUR reunion..

Jackie

[jrainbow]

Be open for surprises and open to feelings you never expected.

Expect a rollercoaster of feelings no matter what kind of reunion you receive or how much you prepare.

If you were adopted from an unwed mothers home in the 50's, 60's, 70's - read The Girls who went Away to get some perspective on what your mother might have gone thru.

Journal - your thoughts, your feelings, your discoveries.