[mariarippy]

My mom relinquished me in April 1974. We reunited when I was 18. I meet my half brothers and half sister a year later.
In October 2005 two of my children and myself went to visit, during the visit my half brother age 24 died of Brain Cancer. I learned she told my husband after we left on a plane that I was "his problem now" and I needed a mental facility. Thirteen years of communication with her. A lot of listening on my part. My mom doesn't return email and or phone messages. I've told her how much it would mean to me for her to communicate. Nothing.

[bprice215]

Sounds as if she has her own set of problems, and there is nothing you can do about her not wanting to communicate with you. Time is on your side so maybe she'll make peace with herself and communicate with you. Best of luck.
bprice215

[Jackiejdajda]

I learned she told my husband after we left on a plane that I was "his problem now" and I needed a mental facility.

How difficult and sad.. When we are in grief we sometimes say terrible things.. and that was a terrible thing to say to your husband..

I was told that my son was not my son.. and I must forget.. She may have taken that to heart and is not able to bridge the gap between the traumas when she gave you up and now..

Or she may be mentally unstable..

Jackie

[mariarippy]

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

How difficult and sad.. When we are in grief we sometimes say terrible things.. and that was a terrible thing to say to your husband..

I was told that my son was not my son.. and I must forget.. She may have taken that to heart and is not able to bridge the gap between the traumas when she gave you up and now..

Or she may be mentally unstable..

Jackie

She had been outspoken to me about being comfortable with her decision to relinquish me. I felt she was comfortable (perhaps not as comfortable with her mother's reaction but she seems over that). My husband and friends constantly question my loyalty to my aparents when I speak of my mom and dad. I get it. Its hard to bridge a gap. She is most comfortable without me and my family. She is doing me/us a favor with tough love. Right?

[Jackiejdajda]

She MAY be totally messed up.. The relinquishment or before the relinquishment may have done it..

You can not change who she is.. no one can but your birthmom..
I would not take it personal.. In all the letters I have read on the net about meeting up with the birthmom your letter/post is one of very few..

Take care of you..

Jackie

[snuffie]

"My husband and friends constantly question my loyalty to my aparents when I speak of my mom and dad."

It is difficult for some of our friends, relatives and even those closest to us to really understand what adoptees go through. My kids were upset when I searched for my bfamily as they thought I was being disloyal to my aparents. But as time has gone on they have begun to understand that that is just not the case.

I agree it does sound as though your bmom has problems. It is so sad that we can't change others just by wishing it were so. Always remember that YOU are the most important person. Be good to yourself!

Snuffie

[bprice215]

Oh Jesus who can say what goes through her mind, I certainly can't, so can you? This is all up to her and what she may want or not want. Time will tell you the tale. Good luck and hang in there.
bprice215