[loveajax]

My Dh sent a letter to his birth mom about five weeks ago. It really was a beautiful letter (I thought!). He has not heard back from her and I think he is feeling a little sad/anxious.

How long did you wait to hear from a letter to a birth parent? Did anyone never hear back? If it took a while, did your birth parent tell you why? I'm still hopeful that we will hear from her, but DH is not.

TIA....

[MrsHoot]

My best friends husband recently began looking for his father, they sent a lovely letter and did not hear back for several months, so much time had passed that they had mentally written the Dad off - they assumed he didn't want contact or that he had passed away.

Then low and behold, they got a Christmas card from him. In it he briefly told them how hard this was for him to write and that he was having a tough time dealing with it all but that he welcomed to chance to get to know his son and his family...needless to say, they were thrilled!

So even though it may feel like a long time, I think there is still hope!

[Mommy24]

Did he send it certified? Are you sure she received it? I waited 3-4 days to respond to the first email my son sent back to me. I didn't want to come off "needy" or to overbearing, however, I know that I wrote and rewrote my letter so many times that it was frightening. Maybe she is just trying to "say" the right things, maybe processing some of the feelings of being found?

I hope DH receives something soon!
Good luck and keep us posted!!

[loveajax]

Thank you, guys! He didn't send it certified, but it hasn't come back (and it was fairly local). I can imagine that there may be a wave of emotions. We also don't know if his birth mom "told" her other children, husband, etc. so maybe there is that aspect as well.

I will keep you posted. I still really believe it will happen, and if not, I told DH that he gave it a "good shot" and I cannot imagine she was not happy to hear that he is alive and doing well.

[FAYE56]

loveajax

I sent my first letter and after about 1 week I decided to spend a couple of bucks on a People Search background site on her husbands name - I figured if she's 71 and still married most everythings in his name - sure enough he had one more address than her search turned up. I sent a 2nd letter (with in a couple of days the 1st came back)

Unfortunately, it turns out that she threw my letter away. I guess if you ignore something it will go away.
Not me - I tracked down the Aunt she stayed with in 1956 and she contacted her and told her she had a decision to make - I received contact only after that call.

Unfortunately again, she wants nothing to do with me (although I have confirmed that it's her husband behind all of this)

Do you have other bfamily or avenues to turn to?

Good Luck - hope everything turns out positive for you

[loveajax]

Thank you, Faye! How frustrating for you...I'm sorry!

To be honest, DH's OBC did not list any father's name, so without hearing from his mom, that will be a dead end.

He does have info on his 4 bros that were raised by birth mom, but I don't think he would contact them (at least not while she was still alive?). I don't know whether or not they "know" about him.

Another avenue is that his older sis was also adopted. I am wondering if he could go thru his agency to "reach out" to her.

I am really hoping that his birth mom at least acknowledges receiving the letter (let's hope she did...ack!). DH seems so sad about this.

Thank you so much for your support! I feel so bad because I cannot "know" what he is feeling, but I want to be supportive.

[snuffie]

There could be many reasons why you haven't heard anything. I sent a letter a couple of weeks ago to inquire about a man who may or may not be my bdad. He is deceased so my letter was sent to his brother. I hadn't heard anything and so I got up my nerve and called. Their granddaughter answered and said that her grandparents were in Florida for the winter and hadn't received my letter yet.

It is so hard to put ourselves "out there" with so many emotions on the line. My bmom rejected contact from me the first time I tried. Her husband was a huge factor in that. But, of course, I didn't know that at the time and was devastated. Years later I tried again. Sadly my bmom had died. But I reunited with my bsiblings!

It is wonderful that you are so supportive of your husband. It is a very pensive, emotional time.

Best wishes.

Snuffie

[loveajax]

Thank you, Snuffie!

I am so sorry you didn't get a chance to meet your birth mom.

I am glad you have reunited with your siblings...that's great!

I hope he hears something soon....It's the "not knowing" that I think is toughest. Thank you again for your support!

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by loveajax

My Dh sent a letter to his birth mom about five weeks ago. It really was a beautiful letter (I thought!). He has not heard back from her and I think he is feeling a little sad/anxious.

How long did you wait to hear from a letter to a birth parent? Did anyone never hear back? If it took a while, did your birth parent tell you why? I'm still hopeful that we will hear from her, but DH is not.

TIA....

She may not have gotten it right away. She may be surprised, she may be scared.

OR did you already talk to her?

She may be writing her response over and over and over, trying to get it right.

Send a shorter, I hope you are okay, and maybe your phone number?