[danap2]

FONT="Comic Sans MS"][/font]Well today a letter arrived from the grandmother Me Maw and I am not sure of what comes next The second sentence "But things need to be said so you can go on with your life."

"She at 16 had to walk out of the hospital leave all behind and make a new life for herself" "She just can tgo back to having to see you and live through thta night mare again" In regards to her death " Donna has strickend when she new you wanted to be at my funeral;" You cant. "I made agrrangemts for you to visit the gravesite and I have made arragements for you and your family th have somethings"

"now for you & I if you can still want to keep in touch with me I would be happy"

Yes this letter had brought a sea of tears and uncertainty of what I shall do next. Yes I will write her back but I dont know if I will ever be able to call her again. SHe is a wonderful person and if only looking out for her daughter and family. Yes a I am the granddaugher but was given away years ago and maybe should have stayed away. But I will never be able to forget meeting her and never give up on the thought of meeting Donna on day. The may be selfish but I still feel I have some rights in all of this.

I also feel that maybe something is wrong with her health even though I am told everything is fine when we talk she is 91 and thinking about the end of your life at that age is not uncommon.

I did not want to open up wounds that will never heal I just wanted to know my family. I am not bi polar but soemtimes think that this realtionship is.

When things were running smoothly everything was bright and then this dark cloud has settled in like a cold winter night and you can not find away to be warm.

I am not sure of what to do next do , I contunie on with the grandmother knowing that my heart will be broken again, Do I abide by her wishes and consider her age, do I write on last letter telling her about my feeling and finding the birth father or do I do nothing.

As for everyone that post on this site we are looking for anwers and support, since we are the ones that have lived through this. Advice that can not always come from your family & love ones. THis is a time when some one lookign in can with their open mind see things from a different light.

May everyone have a wonderful holiday season and enjoy the people around them

[heidibay66]

I am a 41 yr old adoptee, haven't found anyone YET. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Adoptions and emotions are so scattered that it is difficult for everyone involved. I understand what you say about the bi-polar aspect. It is in and out, even when you haven't found anyone. I am up and down and not clinically bi-polar. Some days are inspirational and others are so difficult I have to remove myself and concentrate on other things.
I suppose that is how they are feeling about contact with you too. Maybe it is up and down and unsure. Maybe there is a fear that she will not live up to your expectations or you will be sorry that you found out. I have a few friends that are Original Mothers and they go up and down just like me. We all seem to watch what we do and feel that we are being watched because of that uncertainty. We wonder what would they think? What if I am not enough? What if they expected me to do more? We all have our fantasy, whether we admit it or not, of what the other part of our lives might be. Maybe this is all that she is feeling, is that unsure part, and by writing and keeping just a little distance, she is testing the water. They obviously feel that you are a part of the family or they wouldn't write, they wouldn't make arrangements for you or even tell you where the grave would be, or make sure you had anything.
These people love you and maybe it is just the pain or love lost in the past and the possibility of love lost in the future, that is causing the slow progress. Be patient and stay open to the possibilities of Love found in the future.
(((())))

[Longtimewaiting]

As a bmother and a person who works on genealogy, I say go for the relationship. Even on her terms. Get to know your grandmother, she is elderly and wont live forever. Too many people wait, and you cant make up the time after someone has passed away.

You can even start working on your family tree, starting with her and working backwards, get pics from her, Im sure she has pics of your bmother, her other children, her parents etc, and you might be able to find out who your bfather is that way. I realize that its a "round about way" of finding out who your bfather is, but you would be surprised what you find out when working on genealogy.

[danap2]

In reference to the birthfather I was able to find him he knew nothing about me and welcomed me with open arms. I had a great relationship with him for almost 2 years before he suddenly died of a heart attack. I have 2 1/2 brothers and one that I talk with once a week. The other brother I meet for the first time at his funeral he lives in another state and was a 1/2 brother to the other brother. We are quite the family on my birthfathers side. But everyone welcomed me with open arms. After our first meeting in Feb 3 years ago that July 4th my Granny hosted a party for everyone over 125 in attendance. I could not keep up with who was who.
Id so strange to me the person that knew nothing about me & his family was and is so open with me.
And the family that knew about me has been so guarded expect for MeMAw.
The only thing that I have not done that I want to & dont want to is to tell the birthmom side that I know the BF side & was welcomed with open arms.
Plus I have not told my adoptive Mom That I know anythign about anyone.
What a tangled web this has weaved. And as much as I would love to have a famiy tree, I have no clue of where to begin plus I dont know of a tree with enough branches..lol
Dana

[Jackiejdajda]

The only thing that I have not done that I want to & dont want to is to tell the birthmom side that I know the BF side & was welcomed with open arms

.

Dana
I spent some time this morning reading your story again..
No words.. other than I am so sorry..

The secret keeping of the sixties are horrible.. A legacy that keeps on giving..
I keep watching the show Cold Case and they always remind me of how awful it was for some women..

Jackie