[revherb]

I am sorry it took so long for this update and for not replying to the gracious replys I received in my last post in this forum, however I needed to sit down and do some soul searching. I needed to find out why I was so intent on trying to force my bmom to decide not to go through with the reunion.

The reason why? I was scared!

All of my life, anytime some one has attempted to get to close I have pushed them away. Every job I have had, as soon as I would receive a raise and told that I was going to move up the company ladder quickly, I always ended up leaving soon after. Most of the friends that I have had, I pushed away even though they had done nothing to offend me.

After sitting down and thinking about it I realized that for some reason, I have always felt deep down, that I didn't deserve to be happy (Are those violins I hear?).

Anyways after talking to my sister who was also adopted I have decided instead of continuing to build walls around me that it is time to start tearing them down.



Last Thursday morning my bmom picked me up and drove me over to her house to meet my half brother and my grandfather.

When we arrived at the house we walked into the kitchen and my brother came up stairs, we shook hands and sat down at the kitchen table. My bmom pulled out some photo albums and they both told me a little about the family history. After about 40 minutes I went to meet my Grandfather who is bed ridden. We talked for about 15 minutes he kept on telling me how much he liked my Woodstock T-shirt. After that my brother and I went downstairs talked and listened to some music for about an hour & a half.

If you looked at up side by side you wouldn't see too much resemblance. However we share so much in common it is scary. My little brother is huge! Over the years we were both constant pains to our parents, we like the same foods, like the same sports, have had quite a few of the same habits, the only soft drink that either of us will drink, is a Mountain Dew.

While we were talking he was telling me about this place in Canada that he always goes to and wanted to know if I wanted to jump in the car go this weekend. I don't have the money to be going on any getaways so that made me feel uncomfortable.

I went upstairs and my bmom was showing me a map of their cabins and said we should try to get up to one of them soon. My brother came back up and my bmom told me that she had heard that the only state I hadn't been to was Alaska. I replied yes and she replied that my brother and I should take a trip there.

I'm on disability which I talked about on the video and when I met my birthmom as well, so all these talks about trips was making me nervous because I can't afford to go on any vacations and even if she is willing to spring the bill I am not comfortable with having someone else pay my way. As well because of how hard I tried to convince her to back out of the reunion I do not want this to look like I did this for financial gain. I have always paid my own way for everything. If I can't afford to do something or buy something, I don't get it!

All in all it went very well, I spent around four hours at their house and then they drove me home. My aDad was home so I invited them in to meet him. Dad walked up to my BMom gave her a hug and welcomed her & my Brother into the family. I gave my Brother the nickel tour & my BMom invited us over to dinner on Tuesday.

Tuesday: My Dad and I arrived at my Bmoms house shortly after 4:00. My Brother met us at the door, gave him the nickel tour, then we sat down and just talked for about 45 minutes. We then introduced my Dad to my GrandFather. My Bmom told my GrandFather that they were adopting my Dad and my GrandFather looked at him for a minute and asked her if he owed back child support.

At that point my Brother and I headed downstairs for about 15 minutes then it was time for Dinner. We had Roast Beef with potatos and carrots, their was also fruit, and for dessert we had frozen cream puffs and eclairs.

After Dinner my Brother and I left my Dad and BMom upstairs to trade war stories.

My Brother was again pressing me about going on a trip.
I think I'm going to have to have a talk with him and explain why that is something that is going to have to wait until I climb back out of debt.

Anyways I told my Brother we would go and shoot some pool Friday, however when he heard that my Dad & I were closing the pool down on Thursday he volunteered to help. So I will see him later today.

I still don't feel any connection to my BMom or Grandfather. Well hopefully in time.

[Jackiejdajda]

Thank you so much for sharing your reunion day with us.
I was incredibly uncomfortable the day I met my bson.

And I also say.. if you are uncomfortable with traveling to Alaska.. say you are.
A good lesson on standing up for yourself and your pride.

I know I (as a birthmom) really worried that I had pushed my bson too far or had said the wrong thing.

Tell her.. tell them.

Jackie

[revherb]

Thanks Jackie. I have decided to sit down with my brother today if he comes over tomorrow. If not I will talk to them someday next week. My Bmom cannot leave the house for long because my Grandfather is bed ridden so instead of cooking dinner for them at my house I will be cooking dinner over there(Leaning towards City Chicken, Mashed Potato's, Oven Roasted Grape Tomato's, Cucumbers & Sour Cream, and for dessert probably a Banana Split Trifle).

[Jackiejdajda]

Banana Split Trifle?

Can I have the recipe?

Jackie

[revherb]

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

Banana Split Trifle?

Can I have the recipe?

Jackie

Hi Jackie, No Problem. First of all you might notice the Heavy Cream. Last time I made this I forgot to pick up enough milk. However I had a couple of pints of Heavy Cream. So I decided what's the worst that could happen? So I used it. After trying the pudding I decided right then & there, to always use Heavy Cream when making anything that calls for pudding .

Trust me on the heavy cream, it's what makes this dessert.

Banana Split Trifle

INGREDIENTS:
1 (3.4oz) pkg french vanilla pudding
1 large package Jello instant chocolate pudding.
4 cups Heavy Cream, divided
1 Box vanilla wafers
3 bananas, sliced
1 Bottle Hershey's Chocolate Syrup
1 (15 oz) crushed pineapple, drained well
1 (8 oz) frozen whipped topping
1 Pint Strawberries(Slice each Strawberry into thirds).
10 maraschino cherries, drained and halved
1/4 cup finely chopped pecans


PREPARATION:
Cook pudding using 2 cups Heavy Cream(Each Pudding Package), following package directions. Refrigerate and allow to cool.
Arrange Vanilla Wafers at the bottom of the bowl & around the sides(Continue to add more wafer around Dish or bowl as you complete each layer).
Spoon vanilla pudding over wafers.
Arrange sliced bananas over pudding. Drizzle bananas with 3/4 Bottle chocolate syrup.
Add layer of Strawberries over the choclate syrup.
Add chocolate pudding.
Add layer of Vanilla Wafers.
Add 1 can crushed Pineapple.
Spread whipped topping over pineapple, spreading to edges to seal.
Cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate 2 to 4 hours. Before serving.
Arrange cherries over whipped topping; sprinkle with pecans(optional).
Drizzle a bit more chocolate syrup over top. 8-10 servings or less depending
on the size of the servings.

[Juliana13]

Okay... the Banana Split Trifle sucked me in... Mmmmmm... I have cut and pasted and printed. So I am good to go! (But how does it fit in with my goal to lose weight this winter?????? I will have to come up with some pretty ingenious rationalizing! LOL!)

I have not personally experienced reunion, but from what I have read and heard, and seen - It seems to me that lots of adoptees don't feel that "instant connection" to their birthmothers. Some do, but others simply don't. It doesn't mean anything is wrong, or that you won't become close as time goes on. But just because someone gave birth to you, which is beautiful and bonding for her, it doesn't mean YOU have that emotional bond. She is, in essence, a stranger to you (even though she's your closest genetic relative).

I am glad you gave this a chance, and hopefully it will be a good thing for you. She seems nice, and I bet it feels good to see your two families getting along.

But whether or not you become close friends, no matter how this moves forward, I hope you know - in your heart as well as your mind - that you DO deserve to be happy. I have a history of being a wall-builder, too. And it is hard to change one's nature, especially if there is any doubt form that inner child that you deserve it... But I have a good support system, and I have found that the myth that I'll get hurt more without the walls it simply that - a myth. You and I both know that you can hurt plenty from behind a wall. But the joy and satisfaction of healthy, good relationships can only be experienced without the wall. It's a long process, but seems to be worth it so far...

Good luck in your wall-demolition projects, and in your reunion!

[Jackiejdajda]

I love the recipe.. Martha Stewart just spoke about the different kind of creams on her show.

I am going to make it the next time my daughter comes to visit.. she loves this kind of food.. and she loves coming home and having mommy make them for her..
I used to make a cookie for Christmas that used cut up marshmallows and chocolate wafers and canned sweet cream..
And coconut..

I have lost the recipe but make it up now..

I am cutting and pasting..

And I also say good luck on your reunion.. I wish I lived close to my bson and his family.. I know we would meet up more..

I would make your banana split thingee for them.. for the grandbabies..
My husband loves banana splits and we go to dairy queen for a treat..

Jackie