[tinascratch]

I've never been on this site before, so hello all.

I was adopted as baby (I'm now 35) and over the years have had some vague curiosity about my birth parents but never enough to actively pursue finding out about them.

Then today I received this handwritten letter:

Dear Christina,
I am a stranger to you, but received your name from the organization TXCares. I registered with their organization in an effort to locate my birth daughter.
At this point you are welcomed [sic] to toss this letter. Though I would love to meet this child, I have no desire to interfer [sic] in any way with her life.
I have some medical information to share, and since the death of Karen Spicer at Catholic Charities I am very disappointed in filing new information.
If this could be you & you do not respond, I understand.

This child was born on 12/30/1971 at Duncan Memorial, located at the Gladney Center in Fort Worth. She was adopted a few days later.

If this can be you and you wish to pursue it, I can be reached at 817.###.####.

Sincerely,
S___ N___

While I'm somewhat excited by the idea of meeting my birth mom, I'm pretty stunned and a little wary as well. And while I actually did find information about this woman online (she teaches at a college close to here and lives in the town just west of my own), I can't find anything about TxCares other than that it did exist at some point and was helpful to adoptees with searches.

I really didn't think it was easy for birth parents to find Catholic Charities adoptees. Does anyone here know anything about TxCares? And I couldn't help but notice that she says "if this could be you" - is this a carefully non-pressuring word choice or do you thing there is a good possibility that it really isn't me?

Any advice on how to handle this? Right now I'm leaning towards contacting her next week.

Um, I am freaking out a little here.

Thank you for reading,
Tina

[Jackiejdajda]

Any advice on how to handle this? Right now I'm leaning towards contacting her next week.

Hello Tina

The woman may be terrified.. I know I was when I was putting messages out there to try and connect with my bson. I relinquished in 1965.

I just wanted to know how he is and was doing.. I did not want to invade his life..

I hope you contact her.. and I hope you come back here and tell us how you are doing..

Jackie

[jrainbow]

I agree, Tina. This woman is probably terrified. In adoption because you usually have no proof of identity, she may not be absolutely sure about it either.

I wouldn't worry too much about how she got the information and focus more on how you will be able to prove that she is actually your birthparent. I received an email a lot like this as my first contact and I sure understand about you "freaking out" I sure did. And my first thought too was - could this be a scam? Is there any danger? Do you have information that no one else but her would know? In my case, I proved it by the name on my adoption papers - the name she gave me - because, in MO, no one has access to those papers. Then, after I got her story, I compared it to Non-Identifying information from the state and it matched.

I just met my bmom in June. I have been amazed and overwhelmed by how much this has meant to me. I had a good childhood, never thought I was missing anything, and, although I always wanted to find my bmom (never really did much) - I thought it was more to reassure her that she had done the right thing and to thank her.

Good luck. If you would like to talk to someone who has just recently been in your place, feel free to PM (Private Message) me with your email. I talked with another woman who had found her bmom just before me and it really helped me.

Take care,
Jill

[txrnr]

Tina,

Can you call the Gladney center and see if they can help? They may have an intermediary willing to help since this woman contacted you.

I'm in Fort Worth, but was adopted in IN, so I'm not as familiar with the TX adoption laws. There may be a registry that if both of you request a release of information, and it's a match, they'll open your records. I assume that may cause you to wait a few weeks.

My guess is this woman is sincere, and isn't entirely sure she has the right person either. I have all my maternal birthfamilies info, and I'm not 100% sure it's right, even though so many different things match up. I think until it's confirmed, it's easier to acknowledge that there's a chance you're wrong.

I'd encourage you to at least write her back and let her know you're thinking about it. You don't owe her that, but I'm sure the waiting is driving her nuts. Of course, that is entirely up to you!!

Good luck

[Sylvan]

Hi Tina:

I too began my reunion journey based on a totally unexpected letter from a Birth Mother who i never expected to hear from. Like you, i had always been curious, but never enough to put much effort into finding her.

My one and only attempt had been in my late 20s when i filled out a registry and requested non-identifying info from the agency that handled my adoption.

I was as shocked and confused as you seem to be when i got a letter from her 15 years later.

I agree with all the fine folks that have recommended that you contact the adoption agency and see if they can help to assure you that this woman is in fact your birth mother.

It is very frightening to contemplate what to say or what to do when the woman who relinquished you at birth is suddenly there again. I know i shook like a leaf when reading and re-reading her letter.

My B-Mom also gave me her phone number in her first letter, as well as her physical address and e-mail. At first, I felt more comfortable communicating in writing. I wasn't ready for a phone call yet. E-mail or snail mail are an avenue that allows you to say exactly what you want and review it before sending. We corresponded by e-mail and post for about 1 1/2 years before we both felt comfortable enough to talk on the phone and then finally met in person.

This can be a wonderful journey of discovery and the beginning of a good friendship if you both go about it without anger and without feeling like one or the other of you owes the other anything.

Take it slow and be cautious. Not everyone has the same reasons for searching and contacting. I know my DH's first reaction was "Tell her we have no money and no spare organs" We laugh about that now, but it was a very real fear at the beginning of this journey.

Trust yourself and your instincts. If it feels right, it probably is. If it feels wrong, keep your guard up.

Anne
Reunited 8/29/2007

[Sniffles]

Originally Posted by tinascratch

Does anyone here know anything about TxCares? And I couldn't help but notice that she says "if this could be you" - is this a carefully non-pressuring word choice or do you thing there is a good possibility that it really isn't me?

Any advice on how to handle this? Right now I'm leaning towards contacting her next week.

Tina,

The organization is called TXCare and they are wonderful at finding people. The search angels there were able to get my b-mom's name and address for me. They had done so well that they started a new registry for all the states and not just Texas. Adoption Registry

She is probably trying to be careful, the search angels do their best at finding people, but they sometimes get it wrong. In fact, I had someone contact me about my brother, who is registered there, and it turned out not to be him. I knew one of the search angels on the site and we were able to help her locate her son.

I say go ahead and try to contact her. You and her can exchange info and your adoption agency should be able to verify if the info is correct. If you have any questions, please feel free to pm me.

Angela

[tinascratch]

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for your replies. I think I will write to her rather than call - that's an excellent suggestion. I like the idea of trying to establish the connection with as much certainty as possible before jumping in feet first.

Reeling.

Bear with me, I'll follow up when I'm able to get some research on this accomplished. I'm so glad you all are here to ask these questions of.

Tina

[disolveme]

Good luck, I hope it goes well for you. I think checking and going slowly is the right approach.

My bmother contacted me via letter. I waited a year before I felt up to meeting her and then I stayed clear for a long time, though we wrote and she phoned a couple of times a year. We are closer now, but I had to come to terms with her 'issues' and my expections not being met.

[Gwen Berndt]

Hi Tina,
I think you've gotten a lot of great advice, but even so, this has got to be a very stressful, exciting, and confusing time for you. Lots to think about. If I were you, I'd try writing back and forth. If it seems the two of you are probably a match, you can always do a DNA test for a couple hundred dollars (I know that's the cost for paternal DNA testing, not sure if maternal is the same cost). Maybe you could split the cost. Or, as someone else suggested, you could both write to the agency (or state) and see if they'll confirm for you that you're a match.

Ask her to send a picture of herself! You never know, you could be the spitting image of her and a DNA test wouldn't be necessary. I found a photo of my bmom online and I look just like her, there's no way she could deny that I'm hers. (I wrote a letter to her 6 months ago, and she hasn't replied.) Just a thought - it would be kind of you to write back to her very soon - it's hell to wait for a reply! ;-)

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by tinascratch

I've never been on this site before, so hello all.

I was adopted as baby (I'm now 35) and over the years have had some vague curiosity about my birth parents but never enough to actively pursue finding out about them.

Then today I received this handwritten letter:

Dear Christina,
I am a stranger to you, but received your name from the organization TXCares. I registered with their organization in an effort to locate my birth daughter.
At this point you are welcomed [sic] to toss this letter. Though I would love to meet this child, I have no desire to interfer [sic] in any way with her life.
I have some medical information to share, and since the death of Karen Spicer at Catholic Charities I am very disappointed in filing new information.
If this could be you & you do not respond, I understand.

This child was born on 12/30/1971 at Duncan Memorial, located at the Gladney Center in Fort Worth. She was adopted a few days later.

If this can be you and you wish to pursue it, I can be reached at 817.###.####.

Sincerely,
S___ N___

While I'm somewhat excited by the idea of meeting my birth mom, I'm pretty stunned and a little wary as well. And while I actually did find information about this woman online (she teaches at a college close to here and lives in the town just west of my own), I can't find anything about TxCares other than that it did exist at some point and was helpful to adoptees with searches.

I really didn't think it was easy for birth parents to find Catholic Charities adoptees. Does anyone here know anything about TxCares? And I couldn't help but notice that she says "if this could be you" - is this a carefully non-pressuring word choice or do you thing there is a good possibility that it really isn't me?

Any advice on how to handle this? Right now I'm leaning towards contacting her next week.

Um, I am freaking out a little here.

Thank you for reading,
Tina

This is the internet age, anything is possible.

She sent a letter, she didn't show up on your doorstep, she didn't call. She sent a letter, that gives you time to think and process this information.

She is a college teacher, not a bag lady, that is good to know.
How she got the info isn't as important as that she might be your bmom. In WA state the registration numbers on the orginal birth cert are the same as the ones on the amended. As bmom she may be able to get the orginal, you have an amended. Or maybe you can get your file opened to see if she is the right person, a CI can do that.

Freaking out is ok.

I found my bson becasue I got his aparents last name out of my medical file. The doc had written it there at a time, 1964, when we normally didn't have access to those files. The laws changed. I had my non-ID info with first names from the county I live in.

First names, last name, It still took 9 months to find him. A copy of his amended birth cert, then the search was on.. He was looking for me too. He had also called the doc trying to find me. His amom was filling out paperwork to find me. I just found him first.

Our reunion is wonderful. He has been here for the last two thanksgivings.

Good luck

[kakuehl]

I found my birth son through this site, because he had registered. I was still cautious, but how many babies (male) could there have been born on that particular day in that particular hospital who were placed for adoption!! (The very little non-id info I had also matched.) He, by the way, is now 35 also. It has been a joy for me to get to know him and his family. I wish you as much joy!

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

I found my birth son through this site, because he had registered. I was still cautious, but how many babies (male) could there have been born on that particular day in that particular hospital who were placed for adoption!! (The very little non-id info I had also matched.) He, by the way, is now 35 also. It has been a joy for me to get to know him and his family. I wish you as much joy!

A particular day?

My birthson was born in a small hospital in north Seattle,
on 2/29/64. There was only one name to pop up when I did the 800 search thing. Only one. HIM.

That still didn't get me an address, and his phone was in his wife's name.

[kakuehl]

Actually Scarlett, what I came up with was actually his dad's name and address. I contacted R by email and that got the ball rolling.

[tinascratch]

Okay, here's my update!

I called about two weeks after I got the letter, left a message, and waited for a reply. And waited. Nothing.

So I fretted for another two weeks or so, tried to write a letter about fifty times, couldn't get through it. So I called again. This time she answered. Apparently their machine is on the fritz and they never knew I had called. She's very excited and was very nice on the phone. I'm excited too.

I think we'll talk on the phone a few times and then possibly meet for coffee somewhere near the college where she teaches (it's close to where I go grocery shopping; I go there on the one day of the week that my kids aren't with me, which happens to be one of her teaching days).

Oh, and someone kindly provided the birth number linked to her name - it's the one on my birth certificate. So there's not much doubt there.

Thank you for your good wishes - this is VERY exciting!

[jrainbow]

Congratulations!