[rescuegirl04]

Hi

I am new here but I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and hope that there is some support here.


I am the product of a marriage that did not end well-divorce and b dad not around to contest it or my adoption by step dad. Flash forward about 6 ish years to when I was about 12-13 and lo and behold stuff did not add up so I went on a search while parents were out. Found papers that did not specifically say I was adopted, but mom had a passport with a different last name, dad was in school in a different place when I was born....hmmmm. So I did the worst thing possible and waited til I was in trouble for something and of course, after getting yelled at I responded with "what do you care-you're not even my dad". Well-all hell broke loose and I explained how I figured it out and was told at the time that my bfather was a lout, horrible, rotten, didn't care and never to speak of it again. Forget asking where he was, or if I could call him-I was forbidden to speak of it. Then, my rebellion started. Naughty and pushed the envelope my entire adolescence. Fast forward to college and being on my own for the first time-trying to figure out who the hell I was. Rocky relationship with parents did not help-and as I tried to ask about my history-I was shut down. Frustrated, I concentrated on me, fun, trying everything and figuring out who I was.

Enter my 30's-more stable, better relationship with parents due to me getting older and more mature-a death in the family brought mom and I back to where I was born and she finally told me I had her permission to look for bfather. I was elated, but got no help from her and the one person who could help me was the one who had recently died. I was happy enough to know I could look, but many dead ends and it didn't help that we lived in a totally different country. So I day dreamed a lot and picked away at it without getting anywhere.

Mid 30's-the internet and I became close friends as genealogy sites were all over and I thought I had found him, but fear of interrupting another family overtook me. So I was happy with posting messages asking people to contact me if they knew him. I was afraid to make the first move-remember I was told he was a horrible and mean man when I was a child.

Lo and behold-39.9 years old and planning a fab vacation with mom and other relatives at a resort, and then a week back at home base, where I was born. 3 weeks before I leave, I get an email from a genealogy site with a message from a girl claiming to be my sister! And she is my sister, plus there is another and 2 brothers. We make arrangements to meet when I am back at birth home, and it was brilliant. My 2 sisters were with me for my 40th birthday and we had a great time. Find out that b father was not in their lives much at all while they were growing up, and that he only really came back into their lives when they were grown. Did they know about me? One did but thought I was her imaginary sister and the other one did not, and her recent knowledge of me prompted her to start looking and there I was-a posting on a genealogy site. Now we email several times a week and get along well.

This last weekend, I traveled to yet another country to meet grandmother and aunt-nerve wracking, but a great time and have bond with aunt that I have not had before.

In the middle of all of the meetings, b father has called, and we are slowly getting to know each other-via telephone. So far so good, and we plan to meet over the holidays. Am excited. I don't care about the past, and what happened 40 years ago-want to concentrate on the future-which has made all of this much easier on all.

Now-mom was initially so happy for me, and so were step dad and half brothers from this family. Now that it is happening, mom has cut all ties with me and one brother has stopped speaking to me. Step dad says I am not playing fair with her emotions and because it was a very hard time on her back then, I am "disrespecting" her feelings. Stepdad's side of family and mom don't speak to each other at all and relationships with them have been very strained my whole life. I have told them none of this as I don't want to deal with the repercussions from my mom-she has kept her past a big secret all these years.

So, here I am, all alone with no support at all, boss is supportive, but it is not the same. Best friend is supportive, but I know she has issues with her childrens father and is siding with my mom. NO ONE understands at all and my sisters, father, aunt and grandmother recently reunited with are continents away. I am very lonely in all of this, and now, one sister I feel is starting to pull away-which I learned is one of the stages of all of this. I don't want to spoil any of it, but I may be too persistent in keeping up the relationship. All of this started in April, and now it is September. It has been both the most wonderful time of my life and the hardest thing I have ever been through. I need support and I need it from others that have been there. I have spent more time crying than laughing this summer and people near me say I am not the same person I used to be-which was generally happy go lucky and now I am an emotional rollercoaster, I need some help and have no one to turn to.

Well-in a nutshell-that is my story. Anyone out there in the same boat? I could sure use a shoulder right about now.

Sorry for the novella, but there are so many twists and turns, it is hard to encapsulate any more.

[txrnr]

I'm not in the same boat (I'm still on land wavering on buying the ticket), but wanted you to know I heard your story, and you'll find a ton of support here.

Welcome.

[Longtimewaiting]

As a bmom, Im cringing. Im wondering if my daughter is having problems with her aparents.

Im sooo very sorry that you are going thru what you have. But on the wonderful side of it all, you have found some blood relatives that have accepted you. You amom is feeling threatened right now. Since I dont know her I cant give you any "motherly" advice on how to handle her. Maybe there is no way to handle her.