[ticchick]

I posted on here a while back- about 20 years ago my mom found our (I have a twin sis) bmother. She called her and talked to her and at that time she had 3 other children and had not told them about us so was not ready for contact. She said maybe someday though. My mom would never tell me her name because she promised she wouldn't.

Now I have found out her name and my other siblings names also and where they live, etc. I was just visiting my family on vacation and so my mom called her and told her that I had found the information now and that I was hoping to make contact with her in some way. I guess she was pretty curt to my mom and did not sound very enthusiastic. She did listen to my mom though and did write down her phone number and said she would have to think about it.

Now I am wondering, is it appropriate to follow this up with a letter to her? I am not sure what my mom told her (I was not in the room, wanted to give her privacy) and would like to reiterate that while I would love to meet her that is all up to her and I would be happy with a letter or phone call with some medical history information, especially as I am writing a letter to my own bson and would like to include medical history in that for him. I would then leave the next move up to her. Does this sound acceptable or would it be too much?

Thanks

[josh1788smom]

I'm a bmom. I think it would be great to receive a letter from your child. It doesn't sound like you are expecting too much from her. It sounds perfectly acceptable. 20 Years was a long time to wait. Good luck to you.

[InBlindFaith]

Write that letter!!! A letter would be less intimidating and I would include a few pictures with it.

Good Luck!!!

[lahdh4]

I say write a letter as well.

[Peace.]

I've been through similar. (without any intervention from a/mom) My b/mom also had 3 others after me, I found her 13 years ago and had an awkward meeting- she also hadn't told anyone about me. We had 13 years of exchanging cards once a year, then She finally told them and we met again and got to know each other. The 1/2 sibs are now all looking forward to meeting me.
I think you should make contact gently and encouragingly! Hopefully she will be eased into a meeting for both your sakes. If you are feeling the need for contact then that need will eventually win out. You will possibly become obsessed with getting some kind of contact with her.
I've felt a huge weight off my shoulders since my second meeting, all the anxiety I've felt over the years has vanished. At first I thought I just wanted med info and to have a look. But now I realised that I needed to get to know her, it was important that I could find something good about her, luckily I found that I do like her as a person (which seems to have had the double bonus of making my like myself better too)
You have the advantage of actually being in her shoes as a b/mom and must have a lot of empathy for her.