[ox62]

found birth mother, was told was not my concern but would not tell me anything my adoption (it was done by private lawyer) i live in ny what eles can i do?

[InBlindFaith]

Who told you it was not your concern? Do you have the information to actually make contact with your birthmother?

[thediva320]

I second that Roni, who told you it was not your concern? If you have the contact information for bmom, then I say write a letter or call (whichever you have, if you have both, start with a letter.) And take it from there. A lawyer may or may not tell you the answers you are looking for. Bmom may not either, but you should have the opportunity to ask and she the opportunity to tell you.

[angel_island1622]

Ox, I feel for you, as this was probably not the response that you were looking for. I agree with Faith and Diva to make contact through a letter if you have info. If not, I would register with as many websites as you can as well as with any registries in New York and ISRR. You may never know, maybe your birthmother is looking for you, and if not her, there may be other relatives that know of you, or may one day know. Try not to get discouraged, though I know it is hard.

[InBlindFaith]

Please do not get discouraged by someone telling you it is not your concern. It IS your concern!!

Keep searching and Registering and never give up hope!!

[ox62]

bmom is the one who told me it was not my concern . we have meet a couple of time thats where i am at know still looking

[dmca]

Ok, now I'm really confused. Did your natal mother tell you the circumstances of your adoption aren't your concern or your father or what?
dmca

[ox62]

my aparents told me when i was old enough to understand them helped me search and have always been supportive i have meet my bmom and meet all the family two older and three younger brother and sister when i asked bmom about bdad she told me it was not my concern the lawyer who did the adoption has passed away and can not find the paper work. and in ny you only get general info so what can i do????

[InBlindFaith]

Your Bmom may not becomfortable just yet to talk about it. If you are building a relationship with her I would work on that right now. She might be afraid you would judge her or it might be too painful. Once she confident that you will not fade out of her life then she may tell you. There is the possiblity she is trying to protect you from getting hurt. In the meantime try to see what you can find out on your own.

How long have you been in reunion? How is your relationship with your bmom progressing?

[zxczxcasdasd]

It's sometimes hard for parents to remember that their history with the birth of the child is also the child's history- not just their own. If they see it as their own history, and it's something they would rather forget because of a variety of reasons (embarrassment, shame, humiliation, pain, anger, sadness) they can just put up a wall they don't want to let anyone through. Even my DH who is a wonderful loving father, has a very hard time speaking about or opening up about events surrounding the birth of our son and subsequent events with my DS's bmom- even to me and our son who he's raised his whole life, and we have a very intimate loving relationship and are very close as a family. Remembering and exposing mistakes, regrets, wounds, etc. is a hard thing to do for anyone. Since you and your bmom have only just begun a relationship, she is clearly not ready to "go there."

You can continue your search and you can continue building a relationship of trust with your bmom. It may take time or she may never be willing to open up, but you can do your best to make her feel safe doing so. She may think that what you don't know can't hurt you, but what she knows and doesn't want to tell will hurt either her or you or both of you. Maybe you could ask her to at least try to explain her reasons for her silence- or to give you some non-identifying info that could answer some questions for you.