[Mel in NEPA]

Greetings,

Wow this is the first time I've ever posted on this forum, I usually hang out in the foster parent section! LOL.

Briefly, I received a call from a young man who thinks he is my half brother, we share a bio dad. Seems like a terrific guy, we were trying to start building a relationship. It was fun, I was encouraged. I was starting to engage, and despite my better judgment I started to feel.

Well I heard from him again yesterday. His mother is now saying that there is a possiblity that we don't share a bio dad. There was another man in the picture for a one night stand. So new brother doesn't know anymore if we're related. He would like a DNA test.

Ok, I am perfectly happy to help him out with the DNA testing, I understand completely his need to know for sure. I am not disputing any of that in anyway. I don't blame him at all for this disruption, it was clearly out of his hands. But how do I deal with this emotional whiplash? I feel like I have a broken heart, and feel quite foolish about it since this brother has been in my life for a week. I would appreciate any insights any of you may have. Thanks so much.

[Mel in NEPA]

Wow, 28 views and no one has any words of advice/comfort? =)

[bprice215]

Short of DNA testing I'm not for sure what can be done. Affairs of the heart or one night stands can be a lasting event with many repercussions, it's very hard to pin down. Can anybody pin down the odds of our youth. Hopefully you'll find out. Good luck.
bprice215

[mlassi]

Sorry you are going through this Mel. Its tough I wish you the best in this.
Mary

[irisheyes33]

Hi Mel,

Would it help if I told you I think your emotional whiplash is normal?

When I found my birth relatives, I felt an instant bond with them. I think that's a very natural reaction. If I got a phone call like you did...heck, I could see feeling just like you.

Hopefully you can do the DNA test soon...that will solve a lot of this dilemma for you.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself...distracting activities are a good thing!!

[kune]

Hi Mel
Short of the DNA test, no....there's no way of defining who the father is/was. But..you are step-siblings ??- you share a mother in common?? Am I reading your post wrongly?

I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time handling all the emotions. My only suggestion is to keep busy with your own family. Try to do something different every day so you are focussed on making every one count. It's easier to exercise the body than exercise patience.

Keep posting. There is always someone here who could give you the words you need to understand your feelings and lend a helping hand.

Ann

[bprice215]

Was good hearing from you. I've been very busy with my family, in the words of John Lennon,"Life is what happens to you when your making other plans". It sounds as if a whole lot of life has been happening to you. Lot of truth in what Kune said. We are all here for you, keep us informed Mel.
bprice215

[Toolate]

Hi Mel,
I can understand how the uncertainty of this is creating conflict for you. Searching and reuniting can be very upsetting and rewarding indeed. If I were in your position, I would assist my brother/friend with his research and even do the DNA test. You will either have a new brother or a new friend. You're two souls who came together for a good reason and you could have a life-long friendship. When I was in the early phase of my adoption research, I wrote to someone who I though was a brother. He turned out to be a cousin to my half-siblings and to this day we still don't if we're related but we refer to each other as "cousin" but he's more like a brother to me. We even spent part of Christmas Day together. He told me that even if we're not related, we have a connection. Either way, this could be a blessing for both of you. I wish you both the very best!
Bob

[Mel in NEPA]

Originally Posted by kune

But..you are step-siblings ??- you share a mother in common?? Am I reading your post wrongly?



Ann

Hiya Anne, we share a bio father that neither of us ever knew. He wasn't a good man, so it was fortunate that our paths took us elsewhere.

Mystery Brother hasn't told me he ordered the tests yet or not.. seems very optimistic and light hearted about it. I just wish there was a rule book about how to act or feel in situations like this. =)

[kune]

MEL
I can understand how frustrating it is waiting for a definitive answer, and not knowing if it as important or a priority for others. Do you try to hurry it along or let things go at their own pace?? In the end, you have to have that patience that everyone talks about, and a belief that what you want will happen sooner rather than later!!! Because we can only control our own actions. THAT RULE BOOK - is everyones wish but......!! Women are like those little terrier dogs. They sink their teeth into a problem and then shake it morning noon and night until they eventually find some sense or an answer - but guys have the ability to shelve things and ponder them when they find a quiet moment or two - so you'd have to write it from both gender; with very different time periods and expectations.
Did it feel like June 2006 had 60 days instead of 30??? Time seems to stand still when we are in a hurry???
And....I don't know if it will help you, but when my shoulders and neck started to feel like there was an iron rod in there, I'd walk. Exercise seemed to take out all the tension and give me some peace. Thinking about what could be or what should be happening is easier when you are moving. And.....you have to take deep breathes .........all good. Plus...if you can't force some action or a decision, you can loose a few lbs.

Hoping you hear soon........hoping you hear what you need to hear.......and keeping my fingers crossed for the two of you.

Ann