[eastendmommy]

Hi All. Just wanted to let you know that I finally started on my list of 120 names that's been staring at me for the past month! I am searching for my son who was placed for adoption 25 years ago in Louisville, KY. I have had this list of names of boys born on my son's birthday for a month now -- just keep looking at it every now and then get overwhelmed my the mere size of it and put it up for awhile... I got a burst of enthusiasm today and started to whittle it down to a more workable size. I was surprised at the pace with which I was able to sort through them, putting them into categories of yes, no, or maybe! I eliminated 53 names off the list just today and am down to 67 - much less daunting than 120!!! I am eager to work on it some more, especially since I had such great success today! I even got bold and e-mailed one of them whose name keeps popping up everywhere I go lately. I thought, "Maybe somebody is trying to tell me something about this one boy in particular!" So, I sent him an e-mail, telling him I was doing research (which I am!) and asked some questions of him. I hope I hear back from him and he doesn't think I'm some cyber-space weirdo! I tried to word it as non-intrusively as possible, asking other 'important' questions besides the ones thrown in about his birthdate and..........um.......oh, by the way.........are you adopted? It's a slim chance that he's the one, but then again, they're ALL slim chances, right? His name just kept being in front of me at odd times, and I didn't want to ignore a 'sign'!!! Eventually, when my list is whittled as far as it can be whittled, I will send out letters to all of them and sit back and see what happens. I just kind of jumped the gun with this one, though!

That's where my search and communications are right now! Just starting a thread, in case I have lots to write about soon!!! I hope!! Take care, Tammi

[xocobra]

sounds like you are doing well in the process. Congrats on getting the list narrowed and I hope all works out!

[Shoshana]

That's cool, Tammi. I hope it works! Just curious, what criteria are you using to sort through the list?

[Tink1965]

Sending you lots of cyber luck Tammi!! Wow, you have your worked cut out for you but you can do it!!

Tink

[Meggy_3990]

Congrats and good luck, I hope that you find your son, there is nothing more comforting then having a birthparent back in a life. Take it slow, and remember to give it time. GOod luck!

[eastendmommy]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. After spending another EXHAUSTING day working on this yesterday, I am absolutely thrilled to report that I have my list all the way narrowed down to 6 boys!!!!!!!!!!! The two that have popped out at me over and over again since the beginning of compiling "The List" are still on there. There is something so fishy about their birth records, it's not funny... I have come to the conclusion that I think that they're BOTH adopted children. 2 of the boys live out of state - 1 in TN., the other in FLA., the other 4 live right where I am in Lou. KY. I am exhausted from the past two days (I spent 18 hours working on it Monday and 21 hours working on it yesterday...!) and need to take a break from it today to catch up on my neglected 'duties' and give my mind a rest from staring at figures and names and ....................

Also, today is my daughter's birthday!!! I am baking her cake while I catch up on the forums (housework be danged!) and then it's PARTY time when she gets home from school!

Oh, when I told my children that I had my list down to 6 names, they were so thrilled! They will be so welcoming to their big brother. I hope I find him soon!


Elizabeth : you asked how I was narrowing my list down. I have to pull up each boy born on my son's birthday in the state of KY. Then, I cross-reference it with his mother's maiden name listed. That should pull up any other children she had, so you can then see how close together in age the kids she had are. I can enter another database and determine ethnicity, so I was able to eliminate a whole bunch off of that database! I was looking for older moms, especially if they had no other children, or had one child who was much older when this child I was investigating was born. Big red flags. I was able to eliminate alot based on how young the mother was at the time of birth. You couldn't adopt in 1980 (in Lou., anyway) if you were under a certain age. I was also able to cross off any child who had the same last name as his mother, as single mothers weren't allowed to adopt in 1980 (again, in Lou.). So, it really went quite smoothly both days. If a mother had several births, all in a stair-step fashion, I crossed that name off because she just looks like a busy mommy to me! I am planning to mail out letters to these 6 boys, now to just find the right words... Thanks for caring! Tammi

[Shoshana]

I wonder if this would help.... When I searched, my first stop was the courthouse in the town I was born (happened to be the state capital, Indianapolis IN). I looked at the records of births -- when I found my name, the coding on the record was different than for non-adopted births. Of course, those codes referred to the "locked" record which I haven't seen to this day (even tho' I'm an adult, I have my parents permission, first mom's permission, etc. aargh). Well, it's just an idea...

Another idea -- could you look at the newspapers for birth announcements for the children you are considering as possibilities? If the birth announcement was never placed, or if it was placed later than normal that might be another clue.

[EvieBmac]

Good Luck Tammi, now just the wait for a response (hopefully 6 responses). What kinds of things did you write - did you tell them about yourself and include any pictures? My husband and I just sent a letter to his birthmom and I wonder how similar the feelings - the sentiments are. Like you don't want to be too gushy, emotional (like a scary person who's going to be stalking them or something - you know?) but you don't want to sound detached either. It's a hard mix...
Hope it turns out beautifully!!

Evie

[eastendmommy]

Elizabeth : The local newspaper didn't still print births in 1980, I already checked into that... The 2 birth records that I have serious questions concerning have obviously been altered. One wasn't even filed for 27 days (that one's the seemingly strongest possibility for that, and other reasons).


EvieBmac, I haven't actually written the letters yet. I've spent the majority of the last two days whittling the list down, and now that it's only 6, now I'll sit down and compose a carefully worded letter............. Easier said than done, I'm sure! Christi Bender ----- HELP!!!!!! Tammi

[ChristiBender]

Tammi.... Hi there honey... sounds like you need about 12 hours of continuous sleep! (I am only about 1/3 joking.. I know how on edge you must be).

I also sent you a PM.

There is a page on the pull down menu of my homepage that deals with first methods of communication and another about first letters. Have you checked them out? They might give you more questions to ponder to help you know what direction to start thinking.

But for this moment... what is your first question?? Let's take this one at a time and see if we can start to unravel the mystery of letter writing!

[eastendmommy]

Hi everybody! I've been so busy all week working on my 'list' that I have darn-near neglected most everything else! Not really, it just feels like it because it's been so all-encompassing. I was working diligently on the names when I noticed a birth record in another county that just didn't match up with the other birth numbers from that county. Each county has its own set of numbers that is exclusively for that county's use. This set of numbers was from my county! I started looking for phone numbers associated with the names I had found while digging. I called what I thought was his Aunt, only to get a recording that the number had been disconnected... I almost lost my nerve and gave up, but I dialed the next number on my list. It was his mother's number. She answered. I was shaking like a leaf! I started off with some introductory small talk, then the next thing I know, I asked her if her son was adopted. Major hesitation.....then she said, softly... Yes!!! OMG I thought I was gonna wet my pants, I was so nervous...We talked for quite awhile, asking each other all sorts of questions. I asked her if she loved him, she said yes with all her heart. That he was an answer to their prayers. I asked her if he was a happy child and had he grown into a good man?...She said he was a fabulous son and she couldn't be any prouder of the way he had grown into a man. He is 25, married, and I AM A GRANDMOTHER!!!!! I was trying so hard not to be pushy or too invasive, so I realized later that I didn't know if he had a boy or a girl... Doesn't matter! She told me that she had asked him several times over the years if he would like for her to help him try and find me, and he always said no thanks. Says he doesn't have any interest in locating me... She asked me if he had any siblings, I said he had an 11 year old brother and that his sister had just turned 10 the day before. I asked if they had adopted other children, she said no, he was their only child. That would be amazing to me, to grow up an only child your whole life, and then, suddenly, to be a big brother!!! We ended our conversation with her taking down my name and phone number. She promised me that she would talk with 'our son' (she actually referred to him as OUR SON!) and that if he wanted, she would pass along my information to him. Please, please, please!!! Let her be telling me the truth!! I can handle the no contact desire (if it's truly his decision, not hers). My heart feels at peace tonight, for the first time in a LONG time. Just hearing someone on the other end of the phone telling me how much they love my son, how well they took care of him, and hard she knows that must've been for me to give her the ultimate gift of life made me feel unbelievably calm. Now it's the waiting game, people! Time for me to sit back on cruise control and hope he calls. I am taking a much-needed break from all the databases and I'm concentrating on other things while I wait (like not smoking! still smoke free, been a month now... Argh! I really want a cigarette after this week!) Thanks for all of your encouraging words, for knowing that despite anything else in my life right now, you all are here, rooting me on, happy in my victories, sad in my defeats. Having you all here has made an enormous difference in my overall well-being. To know that you are not alone in your journey is so empowering that I am not the same person that I was when I joined your 'community'. Thank you, all of you. Hugs, Tammi

[Shoshana]

{{{Tammi}}}

I'm just stunned. How amazing. See, I can't even write. Your story reminded me of the first time I called my birth mom.

I'm so proud of you for being so diligent, courageous, and still smoke free.

Thanks for posting your wonderful, touching story.

edited to add:

I just went back and re-read your post and I wanted to tell you that I'm sitting hear crying happy tears.

[Jessiedo]

TAMMI!!! WOW!!

Congrats!!!! I know hearing your son is safe, healthy and happy is a dream come true!! Sounds like you have been blessed w/ a wonderful amom who truly has your son's best interest at heart.

I know your prayers have been answered and I hope and pray this is only the beginning of a lifetime of shared memories.

...AND you're a Grandma!!

[adoptionsearchblog2]

Wow, that's so great, Tammi! A grandma no less!

Ah, you must be feeling good tonight! Hopefully, she was being truthful and will give him the message. Think about this - many adoptees do not want to hurt their adoptive parents feelings by letting them know that they have any interest in birth family. So, maybe he is not ready yet, maybe he is. But you can hope!

For now though, you can just kick back, relax and feel incredibly happy and relieved!

Congrats!!!!

Jan - New Adoption.Com Search Blogger
http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/

[heartened]

Tammi, congratulations! Wonderful news!!