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Originally Posted By thankfulmom

my husband and I adopted our son almost 2 years ago internationaly and would love to do so again but now i am a stay at home mom so we can't really afford too. Saturday out of the blue my husbands uncle called my mother in law to see if we would be interested in adopting a child that he and his girl friend were expecting. They are both in their 40's and have kids in their teens and early 20's and do not want to have a baby at this time in their life. They say they do not want contact with the baby in the future and we do not see them often, it has been years. I really want to do it but the uncle has a drinking problem and i worry that he will show up on my door step drunk after we adopt. any thoughts?

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Originally Posted By amom

If you are interested in exploring the possibility of adopting this child, I would recommend asking them to see a skilled adoption counselor at your expense so that a neutral party could explore their expectations and desires and help them make sure that you are all on the same page. Just an idea.... I am not in an in-family adoption situation, but a non-relative adoption is so emotionally charged that I can imagine it is doubly so for a familial adoption. It seems like a neutral person might be able to reassure all of you about the decision you are making. I wish you the best.

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

Do you want a closed adoption? If the uncle were sober & wanted contact would that be OK? Please read the Primal Wound.

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Originally Posted By thankfulmom

I would rather have a closed adoption for some personal reasons, in this case it seems to be what the birth parents want too. They are in their mid 40's and do not want to disrupt their life. I wouldn't object to sharing photos and letters and such but they say they do not want even that. I do not know about the birth mom but the birth dad, my husbands uncle does not have much to with any of his other children. He needs alot of prayer to get his life turned around. My oldest brother is also adopted and because of his age (36) his was a closed adoption also he is very secure but mostly i think because my mom did a wonderful job of teaching him that his is a wonderful story of love by two women and not something to hide. My mother says you only hide what you are embarrased by. needless to say he was raised knowing he was adopted and that his birthmom loved him enough to do what she felt was best for him. I plan to do the same with any of my children. What is the Primal Wound?

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I do not know about the birth mom but the birth dad, my husbands uncle does not have much to with any of his other children

WELL,HON,DUH,YOU CAN HARDLY HAVE A CLOSED ADOPTION IF THE "BIRTHFATHER" IS THE YOUR HUSBANDS,UNCLE. BUT YOU CAN LIE TO THE CHILD AND NOT TELL HIM WHO HIS PARENTS ARE. MANY DO.

I WONDER WHY YOUR MOTHER HAD TO HIDE HER ADOPTEE FROM HIS MOTHER? AFTER ALL,IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO "HIDE" WHY ARE YOU HIDING IT?

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WONDER WHY SOMEONE WOULD CONTACT FAMILY MEMBER,SUDDENLY,THAT THEY HAVE NOT HAD CONTACT WITH IN YEARS,TO SEE IF THEY WOULD LIKE THEIR BABY???? HMMM
FUNNY HOW SOME BABIES JUST SEEM TO "FALL" INTO ADOPTERS LAPS,AND SURPRISE EM!

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Originally Posted By Conmom

You are a very negative person. Do you just sit at home and fester in your own negativity. Grow up, take your medication and leave us alone. If you lost a child to adoption, it is probably because you were "unfit".

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

(The Primal Wound) is a book written about whats it's like being an adoptee in a closed adoption. It is a very popular book with the adoptees. If you go onto their boards they will give you a review on it. Another of my favorite books about closed adoption is (Being adopted- the life Long Search for self) These books will help you understand what it's like to be in their shoes.