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Originally Posted By liz

we are just trying to adopt. we have sent out our b-mother letters and we are waiting. Now that I've read through these messages, I am alittle nervous.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By amom to Liz

It must be scary reading these posts. I, too, have a very difficult situation with bparents, but I am here to tell you that I have tons of friends with excellent relationships with their children's bparents. Be yourself, be honest about what you are comforatble with and know that relationships with bparents (with anyone!) change over time and there are no guarantees. Your love for your child will guide you toward making the best of any situation. Don't let these posts scare you off, it is just that there are not many places for those of us with challenges to talk about them. Best of luck.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Kaybean

If you are working through an agency this is what worked for us: We exchange letters and pictures through the agency. We have not provided any identifying info, ie last names. This is semi-open and it is comfortable for us. We have access to the important info we need and the info that will be helpful to our daughter when she gets older and asks more questions.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Tyler'sBmom8-31-2000(Shannon)

Liz,
Some of the posts here are a little scary, even for me as a birthmom. But there are good stories for all of the bad ones you here about. Placing Tyler was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it has come to be one of the greatest growing experiences in my life too. I love his parents with all my heart. They are so full of love and understanding. Our relationship like any other has had it's ups and downs. But by being honest with each other we've come a long way. I have phone calls, letters, emails, pics, videos, and had 1 visit when Tyler was 6 months old. Another visit was offered to me but I turned it down. We had a great time and I loved holding Tyler. But it just didn't feel right to me. I felt as if I was intruding where I didn't belong. It was also uncomfortable for his parents. So we have since agreed that we won't have face to face contact until Tyler is old enough to make the choice for himself. And more importantly old enough to understand what it is he's choosing. So there can be good from open adoption. It takes a lot of trust and honesty. I have seen some situations where it doesn't work though. So each person has to make the best decision for themselves and their family. Many hugs,
Shannon