[Archive]

Originally Posted By marie

Hello everyone. I have 2 children through adoption. 1 is 12 and we have a semi open adoption with his bmom, we sent letters and photos and recently he wrote his first letter. we also have a 7 year old through adoption. we had a very open relationship with her at first. of course ryan sees me as "mommy" but he knows and understands how important it was that she gave him life. for the past 2 years, she's been not returning calls and cancelling every meeting we set up. once we bought her a plane ticket, went to the airport, she wasn't on the plane, she "forgot". last night, we were supposed to pick her up at the bus station. she said she was afraid to fly with the terrorist attacks, which i understand. she is a no show again. i called her and finally got her and she basically had no exuse. do i give up trying with this woman? she is hurting ryan. last night he told me her hates her because she lies. anyone else had this happen?

[Archive]

Originally Posted By me

I would make an excuse for her and not tell him anymore of the anticipated visits. He needs to be protected. Unkept dates and meetings are detructive to children. Time to a child is EVERYTHING! He will draw his own conclusions. Try to stay unbiased. If you are remotely negative he may resent it down the road.
Helpful? I tried.
me

[Archive]

Originally Posted By to me from marie

You're right, i shouldn't let him know of planned meetings. i just try to prepare him. but i really shouldn;t from now on. i hope she gets her act together soon. thanks for the advice.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Shannon (Tyler'sBmom8-31-2000)

If you can get her to have a conversation wuth you again it may be helpful to tell her how much she is hurting him. Be very firm in telling her that if she continues to hurt him then the visits will not even be scheduled anymore until she can decide if she is going to show up when planned. I don't mean to sound harsh. But as a birthmom myself I would and do expect the same level of honesty from Tyler's parents. If I were doing something that hurt him I would expect that they would tell me. Yes being a birthmom comes with a lot of pain BUT your number one concern still must be for the child you gave birth too. If a birthparent hasn't come to a point in the process that they can do that then they need to step back and take some time to get their head together without hurting the child. Only my opinion. Sorry if it offends anyone, but I've always been very vocal in what I think. Many hugs to you,
Shannon