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Originally Posted By the birthmother

Yesterday, I received a thank you in the mail from my son'a-mother.
I did give her a photograph of our son and she seemed genuinely appreciative. She wrote:
Dear [me],
I wanted to thank you for inviting me to meet with you. You are a very beautiful person and it was my pleasure to get to spend that time with you. A special thank you for your gift. What a deeply thoughtful and generous act of kindness for you to share that photograph with me. I am praying, as I said I would. God will indeed be faithful, of this I am certain.
My very best to you and your family,
Love, [his mother]

I am encouraged that she did not write a formal stiff note. I ended up a good thing.
When we were together, I did cry, I never said my son, I politely listened and politely told her of my loss. She had never given it much thought, therefore it was a new concept for her. She knows now and it is good for her to know that I lost much. When she told me that she was surprised to hear it this way, I told her I'd be a shmuck if I felt anything less.
Anyway,...thank you all for your input and listening to my stuff.

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Originally Posted By amom Lin

I was so glad to hear everything went so well. I know that my little girls BMom loves her very much-as much as I do. I wish and pray every day she will take an interest in her. I would love to communicate with a BMom to see if she would have some insight into why my BMom(I mean my daughter's BMom)can't, or won't stay in touch. I feel that contact will only make my daughter's life and experiences fuller. I have a little confession-that could be a selfish feeling on my part. I don't want to explain to her when she is old enough to ask....where is my BMom and why don't I see her? Anybody have any ideas? AMom Lin

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How about your CHILD'S loss? Does that ever enter your silly mind?

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I would imagine that child is full of wondering where is her Mother. That is something you will have to explain. Why YOU have someone else's child and you just don't have an idea where the Mother is! Typical abductor!!!!

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Originally Posted By aMom Lin

WHAT??????????????????

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Originally Posted By Oh plezzzzz

You have just had a personal hit & run in w. Sandra. Ignore her, she has nothing of value to say. I am sorry that the birthmom that you work with is not holding up her end of the deal. All too often, birthmom's, run after giving birth. She wanted to get on with life and is not concerned with being a "mom" to your child. Raise your child and don't worry about the what if's! The time will come when she is old enough, and you can explain to her that her birthmom or the woman that carried her in her tummy did what was best, she wasn't ready to be a mom.

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Originally Posted By aMom Lin

Thanks for your advise-thats what we are doing. I'm glad that the only response I got wasn't "that persons". I refused to dignify her "sick post" with an answer or explaination of our circumstances. I came on this board to ask some advise about something thats been bothering me since my daughter's birth. I didn't expect to be attacked. Is there anyone that can answer some questions from an aMom because she has the upmost respect and love for bMoms, and a bMom is the only one that CAN give me some insight. Thanks again for your advise!

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Originally Posted By Rene' a b-mom

Lin,

I feel really bad for you, for your daughter. I yearned to be with my son every waking moment, yet I needed distance. In order to carry through with my commitment, I did the following: kept a distance.

My adoption was closed as closed gets, however, I could
have played the system, found him and even gotten him back. I did not want to put myself in a position of wanting to steal him OR put him in a position of being torn from the only family he ever knew.

My distance was not a reflection of a lack of interest or love. I had and have a deep love that can not be broken by anything. Perhaps my bent will give you insight. My guess is that it is painful to have contact. It most definitely would have been for me.

I am not making excuses, I am just being honest. I do not know where your b-mom is at in life.

Regarding your question, I think you just need to be honest to the degree that will satisfy your daughter and not paint a negative picture. There is a bright side, Sandra is not her b-mom. I assume she is the one writing to you.

My confession is that I do feel for your situation and I think it precious to hear that your concern is motivated by your love for your child.

Blessings to you,
Rene’

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Originally Posted By aMom Lin

Thanks so much Rene. It not only is out of love for my daughter, but her bMom also. She is my niece. I love and worry about her all the time. I sometimes get caught up in the "something must have happened to her"- that's why she doesn't call. Hearing from a bMom that she possibly is UNABLE, for emotional reasons to call/visit gives me some hope, that maybe she is safe! Thanks again Rene. Lin

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Originally Posted By HIT AND RUN

The child will find out the truth. The child will one day KNOW. The Mother was "WORKED" over good and probably has no idea that she is being deamonized. Watch out when she does KNOW.

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You are not a mom. You are an adopter.. a thief. A baby stealer. A liar.

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I should think you would be concerned with your niece? Ever thought about asking mommy dearest?