[paradisej]

Hi, i was adopted when I was four years of age. And I am now 32. My adoptive mother died when i was 18 and my bio mom just passed away two days ago. My adoption was the first open adoption in the state of Nevada. But it really was never as open as I had hoped it to be. throughout my adult life I spent some time with my bio mom. unfortunately I moved away because I fell in love,and got married. She was in and out of hospitals her whole life,and that is why she put me up for adoption.
While I was in the hospital my self as a patient when I was 20 I saw my her there as well.
anyway, the funeral is going to be held in Oklahoma or las vegas ,either way I may not have any money to fly to either as i'm in AZ. I just don't know how to feel all about this. My bio sister (who was not adopted) is going to go and I just don't know how to feel, any advice from anyone that has been in this position would be helpful,thanks -J

[Withay]

I've not been in your shoes, but I would think that it would be ok to attend if you can afford to. Since you did have some relationship with your mom it may help you to have closure. I'm so sorry that you have lost both your mothers.

[paradisej]

Thank you, It has been a wonderment to me all these years,why I was adopted and then had a mom that loved me and took care of me die. But everything is a blessing. I think it i a matter of affording to go then,at this point.

[momof6maybemore]

We brought our son (who was around 4 at the time) to his birthgrandmothers funeral. We had a pretty close relationship with her. It was a little awkward though, being around a lot of other birthfamily members that we didn't know and some that we had seen just a few times. In a way it felt like we were intruding on something so personal. Yet, at the same time she loved her grandson with all her heart and he needed to be there to honor her and to say his goodbyes. If you can afford it then I would go. You may also form some new connections with other relatives that you may not have had the opportunity to form yet. Either way I am so sorry for your losses.

[RavenSong]

If there is a way for you attend your birth/first mom's funeral...and you want to attend it...then I think you should go. If I were you, I'd call the airlines that have routes from Arizona to Nevada or Oklahoma, depending on the location, and ask if they offer any compassionate discount programs for bereaved family members. I know Southwest Airlines used to give discounts for relatives to attend funerals; they also gave discounts if a parent or family member was critically ill.

About a year and a half after my son and I reunited, my father died. The night he died, my son and I were both at his grandfather's bedside...and he attended the funeral several days later. I know my son was really nervous about meeting relatives he hadn't met yet, but things turned out very well. It was a bit awkward at first during the reception following the funeral, but as the day wore on, he became more comfortable and at ease.

If you're unable to attend your bmom's funeral service, you might want to do something special that day to honor her. Maybe write a story about her, or take a nice long walk and just think about her. Pick some nice flowers and put them in a vase when you get home. If you enjoy artwork of any kind, maybe paint a picture, or write a poem in her memory. Prayers or meditation can be a nice way to honor her memory, too.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself the time to grieve her passing.

[paradisej]

Thank you for your support everybody!