[irelady10]

I'm in an open adoption (well, almost adoption!) relationships with my fs' birthparents.

Some background- I've has baby since he was 10 days old. Bios didn't visit until he was 6 months old. They relinquished when he was 9 months old. We've had visits since then about once a month, usually at a Wendy's in birthparent's neighborhood (bios have no transportation, no $ for bus to meet at mall).

I've never had a discussion with them about groundrules for our visits (my rules would be that they must be sober and no lieing). Recently, they told me a really BIG lie about their new baby that left me feeling drawn into their dysfunctions, disappointed, and most of all, worried about this new baby.

Does anyone have any suggestions about how to go about discussing groundrules with them? I want to do this respectfully without offending them; but, if I offend them, so be it. My baby's safety is my 1st priority, not their feelings.

I'll admit- I'm pretty angry about this lie and want to distance myself from them; but, if an open relationship is in my baby's best interest, I will keep our relationship.

BTW- in my state, open adoption is not enforcable by court- its private agreement between adoptive and birth parents.

Any advice?

[FostAndAdoptMom]

I would write down what you will agree to. Then right after the adoption is finalized I'd have the SW sit down with you and the Bparents (not the child) and go over the list.

The SW should be able to present the guidlines in a non-offending way and to be able to say "this is how it usually goes" and take some of the blame off you.

I'd talk to the adoption SW about it now, but have the meeting after finalization.