[thanksgivingmom]

Background: On my last visit with Cupcake and her Mom I mentioned while taking pictures of Cupcake how much my friends loved seeing the pictures and hearing about the visits. She knows that friends IRL don't know and that forums are my support and that my friends in adoption are from cyberland. She knows I blog, she knows I'm here, and she knows I'm Thanksgivingmom. Bottom line, she could find me - maybe she has, (Hi D!) Anyway, I quickly interrupted myself and assured her that I only send pictures to people that I "know" very well or make sure that they're password protected and only give passwords to those I'm very close with. She looked at me and said, "TG, they're your pictures of Cupcake and you can do whatever you like with them. She's beautiful, share them however and with whomever you like!"

I know I've read on here that a lot of aparents might not want their child's first parents posting pictures on public areas (Myspace, blogs, etc.) and at this point absolutely everything that I have like that is VERY private and hidden away lock, stock, and barrell.

So, I guess my question is this: If given permission from her like that, can I post Cupcake's pictures? I'm not even sure I want to or anything, but I do sometimes get so jealous of aparents that can show off their kids as they please, or bparents that DO have the relationship where they know it's okay. I know that if I ever did choose to publish them anywhere (here, blog, etc.) that they would be pictures that couldn't be traced to a location or anything (not in front of some recognizable landmark) and would be perfectly normal, appropriate pictures and wouldn't be connected to me doing anything crazy or harmful in any way.

For me, the only people in the world that know about Cupcake and her place in this world as my daughter are people I don't really "know" - or have had the fortune of meeting once. It's my greatest joy to get to share that with them! (YOU!)

Okay, I'm really rambling on now...so opinions please. The lines are now open

[kelceesmom]

TGM if she is letting you know that she is perfectly ok with it than I don't see a problem. If you are reading her right then go for it. If Kelcee's mom wanted to show her off, which she should be very proud of her too, I wouldn't mind as long as it is in the right areas and safe.

[loveajax]

Tmom, I personally would be upset if DD's pictures were posted (by anyone) on a public site. I don't care who DD's birth mom shares her pictures with (as long as it is password protected, etc.). I know I am a "nut" (I have never posted pix of my DD publicly, not because of adoption but I just have represented too many creeps.). I think before you did this, you should definitely run it by DD's a mom (who it sounds like won't have a problem with it, but why run the risk of upsetting her unnecessarily if she did, you know?). Good luck!!! (Maybe I'm jaded because I have seen some beautiful pictures that I am so glad you have shared with me!!!).

[thanksgivingmom]

I am pretty sure I would check with her specifically with whatever I was thinking about doing with the pictures (blog, here, whatever). And like I said, I'm not even sure I WANT to put up pics that aren't password protected or anything! It would almost feel good enough just to know that she trusts me enough to make good decisions about something like that, you know?

And I don't think you're a nut....well, not because of that! haha

[portlowski]

Soon after my son was born, his bmom posted pics of him on her Facebook page (we are facebook friends). At first I felt a little weird. I didn't know how to react. But anyone with access to the page has to be accepted as a friend, so I decided to give it some time before I talked about it. She continued to post pictures and I soon stopped worrying about it. There was no private info about him or even his name (she used her nickname for him). Nobody was going to track him down based on a photograph. Now I feel a tiny bit disappointed when she doesn't update his pictures (she does it far less frequently now). One thing i have learned from OA (as an aparent) is that just as boundaries sometimes have to be set, sometimes they need to be stretched as well. If something makes me uncomfortable I really try to examine why before I say no to a request. Upon examination, I often realize that a fear is unfounded.

These of course are MY feelings. Your daughter's mom may feel differently. I would talk to her and just assure her that your child's safety and privacy are imprtnat to you as well.

[SamIAm2]

Hi TGMom Although I read your blog, I've never asked to see the private pictures. So, your unsure of posting them and I'm unsure of asking to see them...wouldn't we make a craaaaazy team....LOL!

[finallyamom0310]

TMom, I am on the opposite side with a similar situation. My DD's bmom has hid the adoption from her family so posting pictures of all of us together was something I had to ask her. She was fine as long as they were password protected.

I also assured her that I don't post pictures unless they are password protected of my kids anyway and only those that I know email for the password from my blog site. I want the whole world to know our DD and our entire new family but until she talks to her family I will keep things more private.

I hope you choose to talk to her more about this and share your pictures as you want instead of hesitating.

[thanksgivingmom]

Okay, seriously, if anyone wants pics of Cupcake and I "know" you from around here (or if you're just regular and I don't think you're a crazy person ) just email me - thanksgivingmom@hotmail.com and I'll be happy to send you some!

Finally, my family also doesn't know about DD so that's why I'm pretty private. I wouldn't put a picture of DD's Mom in the picture unless she was comfortable with that either. (Although of course people know she's DD's Mom! haha)

If I ever did post I absolutely would use her nickname and make sure that there were no identifying landmarks and stuff, just because even password protected around people you know...you never ENTIRELY know

Thanks for the thoughts!

[SamIAm2]

Hi TGMom...I sent you an email

Oh, and to answer your original question...judging from her comment, I think Cupcake's Mom trust you to share the pictures in a safe manner with whomever you like.

[bprice215]

Hey come on TGM your an adult, do what you want to do.
bprice215

[TxMom65]

I'm not in an open adoption (I read this because I do wish that we could) but if I were, I would just anyone who posts pictures to use the same judgement that I do. My sister has posted pics of my daughter on her myspace and it took my breath away when I first saw it. I'm not sure why.

I think she has realized that you have good sense and won't post names, cities, ect just willy-nilly.

[kelceesmom]

Brice,
Yes she is an adult that is why she is acting responsibly. She doesn't want to cross any bounderies so that her relationship with Cupcakes mom can continue. Can you understand that?

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

I think you and Cupcake's mom have such a great relationship that you should post them if she said "do with them whatever you would like"

Some aparents have posted about finding pictures of their children on websites with the bioparents and the bioparents attempting to pass off the pics of the bday party as the party THEY threw for the child, or the house in the background as THEIRS, or more lies like that. It's almost as if they have told all their friends that they have this child and are acting like to the world that they never lost custody, or in your case, placed the child for adoption. Some aparents have biofamily members of their child who could be dangerous to their family and would not want pics posted out of safety concerns.

None of these scenarios are you.

You would never do anything like that and Cupcake's mom know this and trusts you. I would take her words at face value and not second guess them.

Heck....make Cucpcake's pic your avatar and we'll see it ALL the time. LOL

Kim

[thanksgivingmom]

Thanks Denise, that was my thought too

And thanks Surrounded - definite little confidence boost there!

[agathaj]

It's funny that everyone is sooo protective bout this and yet by the time the children are 13/14, there's probably a 90 percent chance that they or their friends will have put photos of themselves/where they live etc all over the internet on Myspace and Facebook etc. WE can only control these things for such a short space of time...