[DCMomLady]

Somewhere around Raleigh, North Carolina, there's a family agonizing over the disappearance of their twin toddlers. The FBI is searching for the children and their birthmother, who was allowed to take the children "for a brief holiday visit." It is believed she may have taken them to Canada.

My heart breaks ... for everyone involved in this sad story.

[BrandyHagz]

The children were recovered and the birthmother arrested in Ottawa Canada either today or yesterday.

Its important, when discussing this, that we discuss all of the facts.

This was a contested adoption, that has been in battle since the day after the children were placed - the children were on a court ordered visit - not just a visit allowed by the adopting parents.

While this doesn't excuse the case - I want to make sure this doesn't turn into something its not...

[DCMomLady]

Sorry, Brandy. My morning newspaper obviously failed to deliver the whole story in the two paragraphs they gave it. I am very relieved to hear that the children are not still missing.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the Contested Adoptions forum?

[BrandyHagz]

No no

Its fine - I just wanted to add some of the other information.

I don't want this one, very complicated and very un-normal case, to mold peoples idea of Open Adoption - because that isn't what open adoption is about

This type of thing rarely happens, but I'm so sad it did - those kids must be so traumatized...

[DCMomLady]

I have to say that this story did scare me. I have a nagging worry in the back of my mind that my niece and her mother are just crazy enough to try something like this. And who knows about the missing biofather? He's crazier than both of my relatives!

In our case, the birthparents are both criminals who were involuntarily TPR'd -- facts I just can't ignore. And both birthparents are known to have kept certified copies of the baby's original birth documents and her social security cards. I've wondered why they would refuse to relinquish these documents unless they had some idea that they might need to use them? I'm worried they would easily pass inspection at a border crossing -- and the Canadian border is only a couple of hours away!

I love my niece and I'm trying very hard to make her a permanent part of our family; but I don't really trust her 100 percent. When she and her mother told us at Christmas that they are thinking of moving to Mexico, my husband and I both felt a little shiver of fear.

We don't allow unsupervised visits, but there's no way to protect our daughter every minute of her day. She knows them and would not hesitate to go to them if they approached her when our backs were turned. So, it's a nagging little fear in the back of my mind that I wish would go away.

[lonni]

I heard she asked for them back 12 hours after she placed them.I don't know if that was within the window of legal revolk or not.
If it was,then my opinion of the ap's is not good either.

[BrandyHagz]

This is a very a-typical story.

The entire story is just heart breaking...

[DCMomLady]

I know that my situation is not typical of open adoptions -- or contested ones, either; but am I the only one who worries that the "Stranger Danger" out there might not be a stranger?

[BrandyHagz]

I dont think your concerns are unique to adoption.

Divorced parents struggle with this.

Single parents struggle with this.

Frangmented families struggle with this.

Any time there is somone else who is close to the child (emotionally or physically) I think it ads a layer of fear to the other emotions involved.

Of course, Lifetime TV and the Media glorifying these horrific stories as 'normal' don't make it any better.

[MrsHoot]

Please do a credit chek on the orginal SS# at least once a year if you have any concerns that it might be used. Within the last month or two Montel had a guest who's father used his SS# without his knowledge and as a result the son is now having enormous troubles...including getting financing for college - so IMHO it might be worth just keeping an eye on her SS#'s...if they have criminal backgrounds...well, after watching that show I don't put it passed anyone right now.

To put your mind at ease a blittle more durring unsupervised visits you may want to check into getting a cell phone with gps tracking on it...if you have to right phone/services you can pinpoint the location of another phone either on you computer or even your own cell phone...hers only has to be turned on to locate it...I have it for me/my teen and LOVE it!

[DCMomLady]

Now that we finally have the amended birth certificate (after finding out that our application went missing for almost a year), we plan to ask the SSA to issue a new SSN for our daughter. We are certain that her number and identification will be used (or sold) for criminal purposes because identity theft was reported to be one of the birthfamily "businesses".

My secret worries are more about my daughter being stolen. I think now that I should have changed her names so her original documents wouldn't look so genuine to someone like a pre-school teacher's aide or playground attendant.

[SchmennaLeigh]

This article reminds us that this kind of thing is very, very rare: Charlotte.com | 12/28/2006 | 10:33 am | Twins and birth mom still missing

Of course, that article was written before the children were found.

Rare or not, this story is so very sad. My heart breaks for those children.

[MamaS]

I have been following this story and I wondered why it did not get more prominent mention in the news section of this site. Of course I know open adoption is highly encouraged here, but this example (as rare as it may be) is exactly what would scare adopting parents away from open adoption.
My cousin adopted a baby through a closed adoption, but their attorney failed to black line the address when the document went to the b-mom for signing: five years later she showed up at their house, and was arrested for trying to lure the little girl out of the yard and into a waiting van to "go meet her brothers and sisters" -- all six of whom had been adopted to different families! Before she got out of jail my cousins and moved to a new home in a new school district and gotten an unlisted phone.
I have recently adopted my daughter's son. His birth father contested the adoption and lost. He knows where I live, what kind of car I drive, what my regular routine is and where the child goes to school. My house is for sale, my car is for sale, I have changed grocery stores, hairdressers and churches and I am looking for a new preschool for him. If it were possible I would move to a new community, but I have elderly relatives here who rely on me. Maybe I am paranoid, but "just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!"

[BrandyHagz]

It didn't get more mention because adding news to our site is a manual process, handled by a person who works normal business hours.

Additionally, all of the news stories featuring adoption get the exact same amount of space on our site - no adoption story deserves more 'face time' - they all get the same.

Adoption.com doesn't support one type of adoption over the other - we just support adoption, regardless of domestic, international, waiting child, open, closed, semi-open/closed or kinship.

Adoption.com doesn't have a position on what type is better/worse - only that we are pro-adoption!

[lonni]

Charlotte.com | 12/31/2006 | Court fight frustrated mom, sister says
This talks about her unexpected illness during pregnancy(which was invitro) and asking for them back just hours after she placed them.
I support open adoption whole heartedly but I do not support refusal to give them back MERE hours after placement.I could not live with myself if I kept a child who was voluntarily placed and then shortly revolked and I sure would not think much of my adoptive parent's either.I do not like seeing this case associated with open adoption at all.
JMO,but there are many guilty parties here and open adoption is Not one of them.