[janetleigh78]

I posted this before in the "before adoption" section on accident and felt it would be better to post it here.

Hi, I'm the Bmom. The Bdad wasn't around during my pregnancy. He was given no way to contact the adoptive parents. We recently got back in touch and he wants to meet our daughter. I asked the Aparents how they felt. The Amom said "not until she asks about her bdad" and the Adad said "NO!" emphaticly (I believe he won't forgive him for leaving me). Adad said he would not let me see her again if I brought him up anyone in the family again. I don't want to jeopardize my situation with my daughter but I don't feel that he (Adad) is being fair to the Bdad who is very ashamed of his actions and hurt that he may never meet his daughter. He is a great person who simply made mistakes in his youth (as we all have).
I thought it might be a good idea for him to start correspondence with the Aparents via standard mail and be clear that he does not wish to overstep any boundaries they set but would like to keep in touch with atleast the Aparents and if possible eventually our daughter (of course leaving me out of the situation to protect my interests).
MY QUESTION: From an Aparent standpoint, what advice do you guys have for trying to open up communication with the Aparents???

[moominmama]

Well, I don't know the whole situation and why the Aparents are being so emphatic about this. I guess I would ask them if they are interested in any info to pass on to their daughter. I mean, they must value openness, right? So maybe they would be willing to receive some measure of info about Bdad?

Personally, our daughter's Bdad has chosen not to be a part of her life and I'm sorry about this. If he came forward, I would want to be cautious (because of his track record) but I would also want to find a way to make it work. I would definetly be open to cards and letters at the least and then see how it goes.

I wish I could be of more help. I hope that this works out to whatever would be the best advantage for your birth daughter.

Good luck,
Dawn

[shylagirl]

From my expriece men in general are not will to try any thing new right away Give it some time Most Aparents only want whats best for their Kids.