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Originally Posted By LAURA

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND THERE ARE DIFFERENT REASONS FOR ADOPTION. MY HAPPENS TO BE A POSITIVE ONE. I DIDN'T HAVE SHELTER, JOB OR WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN LIFE. HOW COULD I RAISE A CHILD! I GAVE MY DAUGHTER UP FOR ADOPTION, FEBRUARY 21, 1984. SHE WILL BE 17 IN THIS NEXT YEAR. WE HAVE A SEMI OPEN RELATIONSHIP. WE SEND LETTERS AND PICTURES(IT TOOK A WHILE FOR THEM TO FEEL COMFORTABLE). WE ARE NOW ON A FIRST NAME BASES SINCE THE BEGINNING. THERE ARE HAPPY BIRTHMOTHERS AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE REUNION FOR ME. DON'T GIVE UP, IT WILL WORK. SINCERELY, LAURA

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Originally Posted By Barbara

Dear Susan,
I am a birth mother. My son was born December 1972. The attorney who handled the adoption promised to keep me informed on my baby's welfare and progress. This lasted about 4 months, then he refused to give me any more info. However, when I gave him up, there had been some very highly publicized cases of birth mothers taking their babies back. I saw the pain of the children involved and the adoptive parents, too. I vowed when I gave him up...I was giving him into God's hands and I would never try to get him back.
Now, I just want to know what kind of man he is at 28 years old. I kept my vow. I feel in my heart that his adoptive parents were wonderful people and he had a good life.
May God help you find a child. May God bless you and your family...and all children who must be given up, even when given up with sadness.

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Originally Posted By JoNell

Not all of life is roses, Im sorry if it makes you umcomfortable to hear to hear the negative of adoption but it is out there and that is reality for some of us. you sound like to me that you have had the blessing of a sheltered life and I pray for you that it will go the way you want it to. but they say what doesnt kill us makes us stronger,and I have had to shut down a large part of my heart because of my loss and make myself stronger,and even a little colder.you have to be aware of the whole picture in life and often times that involves seeing things we wish we didnt see, and learning about things we wish we didnt have to know about. but if we dont then we will never know about the injustices in life such as slavery in Sudan, Jews in WW2,and it goes on and on... I hope you get what you want out of this process,I had 2 different rich families fighting over my baby girl,and they lied, misrepresented themselves,and thought their money could buy them what they wanted and it did.I tried to withdraw my consent,with the "minimal" aid of a pro bono atty. needless to say, no one listened,everyone was too impressed with the social status of these people and only thought of the financial and material they could provide her. after I lost her,my ex-husband,who wasnt the bfather,used it against me to support why he should have my other daughter and he has physical custody of her.I had a guardian ad liedem tell me" she would never dream of giving up her child for adoption" it crushed my daughter,who didnt understand why I gave her baby sister away.I wish so badly that I would have held on thru those temporary storms of my life and kept her,because things are better now only my heart and arms are empty.Even the judge-an african american- man stated in court that he had 6 children he'd raised.I let alot of people down w/this decision and have to live w/it.I invalidated myself as a mother,you dont pick and choose which kids you'll keep.

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Originally Posted By WinansFamily

We just went through a very sad situation for our family. We went to great trouble and expense to host a birthmom from Idaho who was very interested in open adoption. She moved here to Ohio with her two dogs around July 4th and gave birth in late September. After having the baby in our home for 4 days she backed out and took the baby home. In nearly every way imaginable we felt betrayed, lied to, and used by this young woman. Whatever you do, put up a lot of emotional barriers between you and the birthmom, especially if you already have a child. Our daughter will bear emotional scars for life because of this birthmom who did not know the meaning of keeping a promise. My advice is to not introduce the birthmom as a birthmom, but as "a friend." Wait until the papers are signed and the promise is kept and then tell you child about the new baby brother or sister. This has been one of the worst experiences of our life, 180-degrees different from our first adoption, which was, ironically, open.

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Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

That is one of our reservations about adopting again. My broken heart can heal, but what about my son's heart? We have a semi-open adoption, so the Bmom never stayed in our house or anything. Still, if we went w/another semi-open adoption, I would be afraid of bringing a new baby into the house and then having to return him or her. I could (and would) recover, but I would be afraid of the scars for my son. I am tossing around adopting internationally or out of foster care next time. Of course, both of those options raise different issues.

Being removed from the situation, I can understand how it can be enormously difficult for any Bmom to go through with an adoption. I don't know your situation, but I would imagine she didn't set out to "lie" or "use" you. The bond that a mother has with her baby is amazingly strong, and many women just can't go through with the adoption when it becomes a reality. That being said . . . as a mother, my heart breaks for you and your little girl. The mother in us wants to protect our children from hurt.

Maybe you could turn this experience into a positive one for your daughter. Her Bmom experienced similar emotions but loved your daughter so much that she chose to carry around a hole in her heart to give your daughter a life with her Aparents. I would imagine that her Bmom would say that placing her for adoption was the hardest thing she has ever done. (All of the Bmoms I know say the same thing -- that knowing it was the right thing to do didn't make it any less hard.) Your daughter has now seen firsthand the deep and difficult emotions involved in placing a baby for adoption. Her Bmom's love for her was so strong that she was able to go through with the adoption. What a positive message to send your daughter!!

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Originally Posted By Leigh

Winan's family,

A pregnant woman has EVERY right to change her mind after her child is born. And I am sickened that you are more concerned with having someone keep a promise to give away her child than to do what she really feels is best for her and for HER baby.

You invited this woman into your home. She got to see your family and see you interact with your child. For whatever reason she chose to parent. While I do realize that you and your child suffered when she chose to keep her baby, she had every right to do what she did. If you choose to financially support a potential birthmom, you do so KNOWING that she can change her mind and does not owe you any money in return.

I think had she chosen to place, living with you would have made things easier for her, post-placement. I do think that you probably should not have gotten yourselves and your daughter excited about a new baby when the birthmom still has a right to change her mind.

As an "almost birthmom" who thankfully came to her senses during pregnancy and decided to parent, I must admit that your tone is very upsetting, as you seem to think that you were owed this woman's baby just because she stayed with you. I pity the next woman who considers placing her baby with you, because you do not seem to have any clear understanding of the pain a woman in a crisis pregnancy endures.

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Originally Posted By Cindy

I could not agree with you more. We had a bad experince w. a failed adoption too. We covered our tails by telling our dau. that we were just babysitting! I hope that you and your family recover and find another baby to be loved by all. Remember that you owe it to your family first, not the birthmom's!