[mckenna]

i have been posting on these boards a couple of months and have gotten really excited about the possibilty of an open adoption for my soon to be son. ( i have been his foster mom for the past 21 months). it was not something i had really considered until the bmom asked about it and i started reading about the benifits it could have for my son. i have hit a brick wall recently. missouri dfs states they do not provide anyone to help facilitate visits from this point on, as mom has terminated her rights. i do not feel comfortable with bmom knowing my phone number or address (due to past history). i am comfortable with the maternal grand parents. a couple of months ago, i sent them a card giving them my address and phone number and letting them know i am excited for my son to maintain a relationship with his birth family. there has been no response. as my son's birthday draws near, i know that his bmom wanted to see him. i have been trying to reach the birth grandparents for a while to see if they would be willing to help me facilitate visits with "tommy's" bmom, their number is either busy or i get an answering machine. so, yesterday, i went ahead and left a message on their answering machine. i know it has only been a day, but i have not heard from them, so i assume they are not willing to do this. i will not contact them again, as they know the door is open and have the needed info to contact us and i don't want to harrass them any further. sorry this is so long, i am just really sad about the whole situation. i don't know if anyone will have any suggestions, i just needed to vent.

[Jensboys]

Adopted through DFS in Missouri as well. When the swer found out that we wanted contact with bmom (we werent foster parents and hadnt ever met her) she tracked her down for us and facilitated contact for us initially. Now, admittedly things were slower going through an overworked social worker but they did work out. Eventually we did exchange addresses directly but after the first several months of using the swer I had a friend that was in another state be our address with teh bmom - she sent stuff to them and we sent stuff directly to her. So, keep trying! Its worth it!

[4x4ski]

I have an idea. Maybe you could get a p.o. box for the birthmom to send letters and such to you and also get her address or one that she would like for you to use. Also if you are going to visit, just meet in a public place, like a rest. or a park for the visits.

Hope all works out well for you
keep us posted

[Sharon]

This may be a naive question, but can't you and the birthmother just take the initiative and do this yourself, if no one will help you? I understand your not wanting her to have your home address or phone number, but what about an e-mail address or p.o. box? As long as the birthmother keeps you posted with her contact information, won't you be able to do this without a facilitator? I think this is great, and very generous of you to consider. I hope it works out, and I wish you all the best of luck! Sincerely, Sharon

[mckenna]

it would be very difficult to do this through e-mail and mom never has a stable address, but the po box is a good idea. the hard part is getting in touch with one another to plan to meet somewhere.

[Janissb]

It can be fairly cheap (like $25 per month) to have a second line added to your phone. Actually, I recently got an toll free number through Costco, $3.10 per month and 6.2 cents per minute. The phone company simply forward all calls from the toll free number to your home phone, or cell phone in my case. There is no additional equipment needed nor need for a tech to come out to your house.

If she doesn't call your out the cost of a cup of coffee a month. (okay a Starbuck tall non-fat mocha)
If you decide to add another line to you existing phone, check into having a different ring for that number. That way you'll know it's her who is calling.

I'm a telecom tech for a company in seattle.

Other wise a PO Box is a great idea. Good luck.