[Steven_A87]

I was told yesterday by my mother that my father is adopted. When I asked why I hadn't been told sooner, she said that he refuses to talk about it and only mentioned it to her once, before they were married 25 years ago. She says that he knows nothing of his birth parents, and has never expressed any interest in finding them. Is there anything that I can do to try to find anything out about this if he won't help me to look? The main reason I want to know is because I have had health issues nearly my entire life and some further family history may be helpful. Also, my (adoptive) grandparents are both deceased so I can't ask them for further information.

[Dickons]

Touchy situtation, on one hand you have the right to search but your dad also has the right to his choices...but what do you do when the two collide and the potential issues that can come from that. Make sure you have thought it through from both sides.

As to what you can do...

1. Search the free registries on the internet using your dad's birth date and place of birth. This site has a registry. Post your search on the same registries.

2. Understand the laws in the state your dad was born in. Do they have open records? A state run registry? A process they help you search?

3. Google your dad's info, follow the trail if any.

4. Find out if the birth records for that state are open access and available on ancestry sites etc. Search the message boards there as well.

5. Consider a Y dna test (pretty sure it is the Y). Males can find their surname group and follow the trail from there.

6. Keep a record of everywhere you register. Keep your contact info up to date. Check the same registries on a scheduled basis for matches.

7. Understand that details of your dad's birth may be slightly different that the actual details. Peoples memories fail as well so a near match is worth following up on. DNA can confirm or deny.

8. If your health history is a major concern you may be able to petition the court to open your dad's records. You will probably need a note from the doctor to include in you request.

Carefully consider the consequences to your dad, yourself and any relationship issues that may arise. If you could talk to your dad it would be good.

Kind regards,
Dickons