[Desari]

I am somewhat new to this site...i was subscribed before but never posted anything. Now, however, i need legal advice. I am white and i had just recently given up my 2 year old biracial son. Needless to say my family is furious, which was expected. Now they are taking me to court for custody of my son. There are far too many fine details to mention here but if there is ANYONE out there who is willing to help me get my son to the loving family i had picked out for him please, please, PLEASE, help me. I am desperate for any advice people can give.

[Sharon]

Do you have a lawyer yet? As far as I know, relatives do not have the legal right to prevent a mother from placing her child for adoption. That decision is entirely up to the mother and father of the child. I know this is the case with newborn adoption. In your case, since your child is older, I'm not sure; different rules may apply. The thing is, it will be very traumatic for a child the age of your son to be removed from all the family he has ever known and be placed with strangers, no matter how wonderful and caring. Unless none of your family members are fit to raise him, I can't see how this would be in your son's best interest (being given to strangers, when there are biorelatives who are willing to take him). And if in fact none of your relatives would be suitable guardians, this will probably come out in court. Even with relative adoption, I believe a home study is still required.
Perhaps you, your family, and the potential aparents can work out some sort of compromise; such as allowing the couple you've chosen to adopt the child, but still allowing family members to have contact and visitation. It truly isn't in a two-year-old's best interest to be cut off completely from all the family he's ever known, except in cases of abuse or mistreatment.
My advice would be to speak to a lawyer and find out exactly what the laws in your state are, regarding this situation. I don't know if your relatives have a case or not. If it turns out they don't, and you are free to go ahead with your adoption plan, I would strongly recommend an open adoption involving contact with all family members. They apparently care about your child, and he has bonded with them by now, and I think some sort of ongoing contact with his bio-relatives would be advisable, and would make the transition much smoother for him.
Best wishes, ~ Sharon

[DianeS]

I'm afraid we're going to need some of those "fine details" that you mention. How can you have recently given up your son, and yet need help in getting him to the adoptive family? Those two statements do not usually go together.

You definately need a lawyer, whatever the situation is.

Family members have been known to take people to court because of the person's intentions for a child, but rarely do the family members win. Courts almost always respect a parent's right to make plans for their children, and to carry them out.

If you've already chosen a family that is approved to adopt, and they have a lawyer, it may be work to have their lawyer fight the case. After all, they should be willing to fight for the child they wish to raise.

Good luck.

[bwinks]

Without knowing any of the details my suggestion to you would be to go to an adoption agency and tell them you want this couple to adopt your child. The reason I suggested an agency instead of an attorney is because I would rather let the agency handle the your families unhappy threats. I know because my husband and I did do transitional care for a private agency I wanted to say that adoptions for what ever reason do happen for children at this age and the children they do great. Of course it is very hard and confusing for them at first. But it isn't our job to judge others because we never know what it is like to walk in ones shoes. You are right though if it is to the child's best interest that he or she continue to have family contact then she or he should. But on the other hand if the family is not of good moral character and was not there for the child before than no they have no rights. As far as legally I am not a layer but I do know as long as they have not been supporting the child then they have no rights. In any adoption I do hope that in the least pictures and letters will be sent several times a year. My preyers are with you and your family. Most of all I pray that God will protect and watch over your little boy. God Bless