[millie58]

Background: 13 yo; learning disability; ADD. He' on meds. Is it possible for said kid to forget to turn homework in? He's not organized (I'm not either but I'm getting better). I just got off the phone with his aide from school. His grades are all over the place. He sits in front of every class but there are times when he "zones out". Is this normal? He has an IEP Friday; I'm going to ask for a smaller class. Before I punish him, I want to make sure it's medical and not just being lazy.

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by millie58

Background: 13 yo; learning disability; ADD. He' on meds. Is it possible for said kid to forget to turn homework in? He's not organized (I'm not either but I'm getting better). I just got off the phone with his aide from school. His grades are all over the place. He sits in front of every class but there are times when he "zones out". Is this normal? He has an IEP Friday; I'm going to ask for a smaller class. Before I punish him, I want to make sure it's medical and not just being lazy.

Sounds like typical ADD. I'm ADD, and yes I could very well forget to turn in homework---I didn't do homework when I was in school, so turning it in was never an issue . If something doesn't interest me, I can really, really, really try, but as soon is its not in front of me I its as if it doesn't exist. Punishment is irrelevant---consequence irrelevant....frankly, in order to avoid punishment for not doing a task you have to actually remember that the task is out there to do.... And I have to say, I'm worse when I'm stressed or anxious. If I thought I'd be punished, I'd be even mor scattered. For me, once the idea, task, whatever passes it ceases to exist. I have learned work arounds. Working on a computer helps me focus. At work, I make sure I have specific patterns I follow for every task...and that I create at least 3 reminders. Even then I sometimes miss things. Its not lazy....I think to an extent its not even organization.


Perhaps at the IEP meeting you guys could talk about strategies that he can employ in the school setting.

[millie58]

thanks!!! I wasn't sure if it was ADD-related or teen rebellion!!

[alys1]

He doesn't need to be punished, he needs to be motivated, if such a thing is possible, AND he needs tools to help him "scaffold" (support) getting his work done. Did you see the thread a while back where a lot of ppl spoke up who never did their homework? At any rate, I often/usually didn't do mine, or didn't do all of it. I was bored, and couldn't stand it. I just can't abide doing things I'm not interested in. The alternatives existed -- to give me interesting work, but they existed only in theory, not in reality.

You mentioned that ds has "learning disability". Is ADD what you meant by that? Or other LD (learning disability)? If he has other LDs, then you need to find the ansawer to the question: "Has he sort of given up because he has no clue what they're talking about?" Teachers, others, learning specialists at the school should be able to help you with the answer to that. Do you have his IQ? If not, it might be wise to try to discover that. A child with a 90 IQ trying to succeed in school is totally different from a child who's 145. The 125 is also different.

If it is *only* ADD, he may be very smart, lots of ADD kids are. If that's the case, he may be bored to tears with school. That means doing the work would be boring, listening would be boring. Imagine telling a high school child: "We're sending you to preschool again, and we expect you to pay attention, do all your work, and get along!" That child is going to build up frustrations and you will be very unlikely to find a way to motivate them to enjoy building with blocks with the other children.

I"m looking for a link I've theoretically stored, which has an amusing video about all this, but enough for one post.

[alys1]

What the ADD/ADHD/ forgetful person needs to accomplish: Lists! Charts! Reminders! Like the pp said. ADD people can run businesses and be highly successful, most of them invent strategies like this.

For the child in school, make up a chart (a table in Word on the computer that you can print out, or with ruler and paper that you can copy). Vertically down the left side, list the classes:
Math
Science
Band
English
Swimming

Across the top list as headings for places to check boxes.
Homework yes. Homework no. In back pack? Showed mom Did part of homework Finished HOmework. Back In Backpack Gave teacher.

*Every single tiny step he has to do has to be on this chart. He has to check the box with pencil or something, if he has a favorite color, he can get a pen that color and use that(maybe better for girls, but hey. For the "easily bored", adding colors can help, and I'm *not* kidding.)

Now your job. When he DOES check the boxes, you make a big fuss about it. Just the simple fact that he's cheking the boxes. WAY TO GO, FRANK! You remembered to check the boxes! I'm so proud of you. Yes, that's if he even checked half of them. Please note also that I put things on there he's not likely to have homework for. If he checks off the boxes that there's no homework, it's like he's accomplished something. He can see those x's or checks marching across that page, that's a satisfaction.

Your job: if he gets home with 2 of 4 homework assignments, trust me, it's a victory! You praise this! Way to go! I'll bet you can do better tomorrow! Let him overhear you praising him on the phone, "Marje, you won't believe how many of the boxes Frank is getting filled in, and how much of his homework he's bringing home! I'm so proud of him."

In my personal opinion, if you try to hold him accountable to do all 8 or 10 steps right every day in the beginning, both of you will be stuck in failure. Where you are now is: He's blowing it bigtime, if what you wrote is accurate. So figure on taking some time to teach/support/ get a grasp on all the steps happening daily. Understand that you're asking him to do something like run his engine backwards to do this. If he had an inborn ability to do this stuff... he'd be doing it already.

Set up a series of *rewards*, zero punishments, I agree with pp that all the punishments in the world Will Not Help, for how many boxes he has checked off. That is, one small reward for having a few boxes checked in the week, a medium reward for having more boxes checked, and another reward for having 90% of the boxes checked, whatever that number of boxes is. **IF you ask him to ck all the boxes, ever, you're asking him to be another child, and it's highly unlikely he'd be able to do that.**

In theory, if the LD is just ADD, and he graduates, he can find something to do that really lights his fire, and then he'll work 10-14 hours a day on it, with no one asking him to. It's just getting him to that graduation point that's the challenge!

Did the above make any sense?

[chloroxsis]

Alys1,
I'm going to try this for my child who has ADHD, a lower IQ (71) and some possible dyslexia. Thanks!

[millie58]

alys: thank! He has a ld along with ADD. He's being tested by a ped neurologist in a few weeks. I'll use your ideas. Thanks again!!

[mothertwo]

I agree. Create a chart or schedule for your child. Both my boys have ADHD and they have schedules and charts to keep them organize. After they finish homework they put it in their bag. At school the teacher lets them know when to put it in the homework tray. I would not punish him if he forgot one time. He is human and will forget whether ADHD or not.

[boymom]

I have a 14 year old with ADHD, w/o hyperactivity. I was told by his teachers for YEARS to have him tested but I didnt because I was misinformed about ADD. I thought since he could sit still and focus on what he wanted, that it was him just choosing not to pay attention to things he didnt want to, like school. One of his major issues was not turning in his school work. I would struggle at night to make sure it was done, then send him off to school where he doesnt even turn it in? So here he was getting bad grades all because of homework. His tests and state testing were off the charts, even advanced in some cases so clearly he was absorbing the info. Here is what I did. And keep in mind it took about an entire school year to really become part of his day and start helping. Every day, every class once the bell rang, he had to go to his teachers (he was in middle school by this time) and he had to get a signature from the teacher that he #1 turned in his homework, and #2 wrote down the homework for that night correctly. Sometimes he would remember, sometimes he wouldnt. I had short term punishments for him. If he didnt get the agenda signed that day, no tv, video games (although it was limited, even if he got it signed) then he would try again the next day. If signed, he got what he wanted, if not, then punished one more day. The school counselor recommended the short term punishments instead of long term because if it was long, then he did not have incentive to change his behavior quickly. It was more of an instant gratification for remembering. The first year of this (7th grade) was a struggle, 8th grade was alot easier, and now, he started 9th grade and before school started he came up with his own plan to keep track of homework. Without being asked! i almost fell over and I did check him for a fever. LOL, anyway, its a slow progression. they cannot help the ADD and trust me, I thought we could overcome it without meds, and I learned my lesson. He is on a low dose of Concerta and it did help. By evening time its worn off and a lot of parenting is still needed, but thats what I am there for anyway. So my suggestion is take baby steps, and see what works.

[millie58]

thanks!! He has a notebook to write homework in; teachers or paras sign it. I also sign it. I'll so try to come up with a chart. Problem is I'm ADD. Go figure!!

[qs mom]

You mentioned that he does better in some classes than others. My son is ADHD, but he also has CAPD.

He was just re-evaluated for CAPD. The audiologist made a great suggestion that I never thought of. He should be seated in the 2nd or 3rd row because he needs the visual cues from his fellow students because he isn't processing the auditory information as quickly as his peers. He has always been seated in the front row because of his behavior problems - looking at the kids behind him for visual cues.

Could seating and auditory processing be a part of the problem?

[urban]

as an ADHD kid myself, no he cant help it. I love the suggestions that you guys gave.

There is a myth that ADHD kids cannot focus, trust me, thats not the problem, the problem is actually just the opposite, we focus on everything which makes it diffulcult to focus on just one thing, unless we are REALLY interested in it.

As for seating in front of the class, that all depends on the child. I had to or Id be focusing on what others were doing and I would be so distracted.

However, if its some kind of processing issues, or has some social issues, the child needs to see how the other kids respond or he/she will be totally lost.

I Knew a kid who joined some military thing and the only way he could 'march' and learn the 'steps' was to have other cadets in front of him. Whehn he was in front and they tried to teach him the drills, he just couldnt do it.

I do agree with alys1 but make sure its not complicated. Pictures worked best for me.

[Samson71]

I have been a teacher for over 15 years and your child is probably as frustrated as you. I worked with many of these wonderful children, they are a challenge, but there are little tricks to help them focus. Try making a small checklist for the child and put it in the same place everyday and the child is to look at it everyday before leaving school or home. Mark folder one side to be done work and one side marked finished/turn in work. Diet can also be a huge factor and help- not sure if you have looked into the child's diet, limit sugar and any stimulants. I would set timers for my children as they worked and they had to work until the timer rang then small break and set timer again (beat the clock game). I would be happy to give more suggestions if you ever need any. Hopefully the teachers are providing suggestions and are willing to do what it takes for the child to succeed. These children are not lazy but usually wired differently and need a new and different study technique. I know you are doing your best- it is difficult, but stay positive.