[bange]

HOLDING BACK A GRADE...?
We have adopted 6 children - three different adoptions. Our oldest we held back to repeat 5th grade. He struggled somewhat with grades but truly was very immature for his age. Now a sixth grader - he is still in remedial math but is excelling in all his grades! We know this was right for him. Now his younger twin brothers face much the same situation in 5th grade. Although they struggle to maintain the grades. They are both small in stature. But, their birth days will make them significantly older than other 5th graders should we retain them. Anyone with any experience on retaining adopted children, please advise. The school does not look favorably on retaining children... Studies have shown retention can also lead to drop out in high school. (???) Unsure whether to let them go forward or retain them again in 5th grade. (6th grade starts middle school in our county). (BTW - the twins and their older brother are all ADHD)

[lovemy6]

How old are the kids? How far behind are they with their grades? What seems to be their problem? Have you considered getting an IEP for them instead?

[bumblebeeskies]

I think I'd be more concerned with whether or not you think your sons will be mature enough to handle middle school. A big thing is switching classes all day. Can they handle remembering where to go at what period, time management in getting to their lockers or going to the bathroom in between classes and getting to class before the bell rings, taking the right book class, etc.? Middle school is a huge change, and unfortunately, it seems that many schools leave kids to sink or swim.

[MamaS]

Bumblebeeskies is right. Middle School is a Big Transition. If they are smaller physically and immature, then this is the right time to hold them back. But BOTH of them - don't let one go and one stay back.
As to the relationship with dropping out, the statistics also include children who were held back because of attendance. Their parents didn't make them go to school and when they got old enough, they quit. When the stats are corrected for grade retention only the correlation is not as clear.

[Bamamom07]

My son is in the 11th grade, and I struggled for several years about whether to hold him back. Eventually I let others convince me to let him pass or fail on his own. I did do everything else possible to help him (IEP, meds, tutor, my time, testing, best teachers, etc, etc). He is a good kid. But he is handicapped further because I did not do what I knew I should have-- retain him a grade to have more time to master concepts and mature. Gather all the advice you need, but in the end, DO NOT minimize what you know in your heart is right for your child. If you feel like it's what he needs, do it early, and don't let anyone talk you out of it. It is FAR better to master 4th or 5th grade well - academic concepts as well as social ones - than to have him suffer the consequences of never being able to grasp the concepts well, but just make it, like my son did.

[bange]

THANK YOU... I truly appreciate your candor and honesty!

[burple_cloud]

Harvard did a study on rentention and concluded its an humiliating experience for older children. As an adoptee myself, I would find it another thing to get past should it had ever happen to me. Your children's peers are used to your children and vice-versa. Unless your children are just beginning school, the age of memory is around 9. Not everyone may be as mature as when other thinks they should be, however, that's what makes us individuals. Besides, are they not happy with their classmates? Good luck on what you decide upon.

[Shesalmost18]

I'd retain them but put them in a new school where they can make new friends for fifth grade. I teach high school and taught middle school. Retention is unpopular, but if kids are immature, I would do it before middle school.

I wish my FD had been retained in elementary school. I think it would have been a great thing.

But you know your boys best so trust your intuition.
You know what to do.