[lovetoadopt]

My adopted foster son has been diagnosed with ADHD 1 month ago. We are still adjusting meds. His teacher called me and we were talking about his behavior/personality. She said he always plays at recess by himself. This just breaks my heart. Do any of you know what I can do to help him make friends?

[bennett/kevin]

adhd personality makes them stay to themselves
he may prefer this for now..
as long as the kid respect this
but....you can role play with him
or bring him to the park and work with him on
how to join in..what to say to a child...
as he gets used to this ..he will do it himself.

there is plenty of time so go slow

and again...he may be more comfortable being alone for now

have the teacher try to get him playing with another
quiet , shy child...

all he needs is one friend.....he can grow from there

good luck

[MNlady]

My son has 'friends' but they are not very nice friends. He seems to pick others that have issues which breaks my heart!

The suggestion my son's doctor made is to get him into social activities that will give him outlets for new friends. My son was just diagnosed a couple of days ago with ADD (and several other issues) and the meds haven't started yet.

[hopeful mama]

would you concider having a just because party? let your son invite whom ever he choses and discuss with him a head of time if he wants a special theme. how old is your son?
My son is 12 and also is adhd plus ed.so it is very hard for him too but keep strong mom and keep introducing your son into places that there are lots of kids.like the park invite neighbor kids over to play in your yard,go skateing or sledding where ever there are kids.just be patient mom it will happen.
good luck to you and your son!!!!

[lovetoadopt]

Hello all! I have thought of putting him in sports, but he is so immature. His kindergarten teacher called me last week and he is at risk for having to repeat kindergarten next year. How do I know if meds are working? He can now still still a little and finish papers in school, but the attitude and defiance are horrible. How would I know if he had some other diagnosis? Or is this just his "personality"? Anyone else out there dealing with these issues? Thanks in advance!

[Sharon]

I can definitely relate to MNlady; my son will be 12 in two weeks and has ADHD. He has friends, but not the friends I would've chosen for him. He seems attracted/ attractive to other kids with issues. I have tried the "wholesome activities" route... he spent the summer in a karate daycamp, and met some nice kids; but now that he's back in school he's hanging out with the same troubled group. This hurts me because although I see my son's wonderful qualities, I am aware that his behavior and attitude make it difficult for others to recognize what a special person he is. I can only hope that as he gets older, he will branch out socially and meet some other kinds of people. Meanwhile, I try to keep a close eye on his activities. I've learned from experience that forbidding him to hang out with this friend or that friend is more or less futile, but at this point I still have some control over where he goes and what he does. I can sympathize with any parent raising a child with ADD/ ADHD... my only advice is to encourage any and all friendships, because in my opinion almost ANY friend is better than none. Predators generally target lone children.
Best of luck to all of you, ~ Shar

[MNlady]

I did a just because party in October, called it a Pumpkin Patch party. We baked cookies (cut out) and frosted them, painted pumpkins, played games. Each one of my three kids got to invite one friend. The friend son invited is a nice kid who has a brother with handicaps and he has taken son under his wing since he came home 1 1/2 yrs ago.

I like to encourage this friendship because this boy is a nice kid and likes my son.

Today, son brought home a birthday invitation from this kid.... HE GOT INVITED TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! Son was thrilled, I was thrilled and I told him as long as he got most "above the line" marks on his behavior sheet from school, he could attend the party. So, now I will make a big deal out of getting the gift and let son make his own card.

Maybe I will plan to do a movie or bowling with son and his friend on a Saturday afternoon real soon?!

[francie169]

HI lovetoadopt,

I found your post wonderful, you must be such a loving mother. I am a female adoptee. I am 19 years old and have been diagnosed with ADD and several other learning problems. I know adjusting to medication can be one of the hardest things for a child. I myself had the hardest time doing it, and I did loose a lot of friends at the beginning. I saw, as more of my friends were diagnosed, that being on medication for ADD or ADHD definatly affects one's social skills. Even as a college student I find it hard to socialize on my medication. While taking medication for ADD or ADHD can have its downfalls, it does have its perks: when i was in seventh grade and began taking the medicine i was able to learn important skills that I would need in high school and college. But, as an eight grader and wanting to just have fun i began "forgetting" to take my medicine, or throw it away once given to me. As a freshman i took my medicine on and off and when i was a sophmore i quit cold turkey. Consequently, I was on academic concerns list and almost kicked out of school. Junior year i began taking the medicine again and I finished my high school career with at 3.0 and acceptance into a very good college (luckely i had connections). Now as a college student I take my medication when I need to, and have times when I dont and just have fun. Plus, recently I got accepted into the Honors Program, and got on the deans list with a 3.8 GPA, who would have thought!!!!!

So.. long story short. Having ADD/ADHD is no picnic, its hard. My own advice would be to only have him on his medicine during certain classes that he struggles in, or during tutoring (if he has one). I dont think it is necessary for young ones to be on medication alll day! Talk to your doctor see what he or she thinks. I think this way a child can adjust to the medication gradually and learn how to balance play and work, and be able to develope social skills even on medication. (just a thought)

GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!