[JR_outside]

I am a single LDS woman and I have decided to adopt a foster child. I'd love to know if there are any other single adoptive LDS parents out there.

I believe that the Lord would rather see a child grow up in a loving LDS home with just a mother than in the foster care system without any parents. However, I don't know any other LDS people who have adopted as singles.

[calogero]

Well I have to agree with you about your belief that a child is better off with one parent than in a child care system that neglects them. I am also single and looking into possibly adopting. I don't know how eager and willing an adoption agency will be to place a child with a single person, and especially in my case a male single person. But I hope to find information from anyone helping me to know if it will be possible. If you have any information on this I would love to have it.

[JR_outside]

I have heard of successful single male adopters. I don't know any now though! I do know of a very successful foster parent who happens to be a single man in CA. I think it is very possible. YOu will have to work VERY hard to prove that you are of impeccable character, harder than a single woman would, but I do know it can be done. A few months ago either Adoptive Families Magazine or Foster Families Today did an article on a single man in Texas who foster adopted a sibling group of 6 kids. The article was called "Not Exactly the Brady Bunch."

[calogero]

Do you know where I would start? I am completely clueless about where to go and who to talk to. I am 27 and am very stable financially. I have a couple businesses and have people that work for me, I dont do a whole lot these days because of my unique situation. Adopting a child isnt a way for me to pass the time, I have always loved children and want to be able to give a good life in a good LDS home to a child in need. I will someday get married I am sure, but when that will be who knows... I was married once but she liked guy friends a little too much. But if you have any idea or if anyone does on how I can start the process or any phone numbers I would be very grateful.

[JR_outside]

Pull out the yellow pages and start calling all the agencies in your area.

You will need to do some research on whether you want to adopt domestically or internationally and about what age child you are interested in adopting. Then start interviewing agencies. You want to find one that is ok with you being single and one whose philosophy matches yours. Ask for references. Ask them if they have any other single fathers who have adopted through them. Once you pick an agency, then you can get a homestudy done and start looking for a child.

International may be more difficult since many countries have restrictions on who can adopt. Your best bet is likely to be adopting a slightly older boy through a public agency. On the other hand, that REALLY depends on where you live! You may find that a private agency is able to move faster and is more flexible.

[calogero]

Would you suggest using any of these online agencies? Or would going local be a better choice? Thanks for your info, it helps a lot.

[Heather5458]

I am a single mother with a beautiful adoptive daughter. I had no problems with being single when I adopted. I did have lots of problems adopting. Being a single mom, even with the most supportive family, is difficult. My daughter is 5 and in kindergarten and I assume it will not get any easier. Being a single mom in the lds culture does not make it any easier!! I am willing to answer any questions you may have.

[craigery]

I am a single adoptive parent of three boys, all under 6 years of age. I went through a local county in California. The advantage of a public (county) adoption is the costs are nill, and in some cases you may obtain some support for difficult-to-place kids. I hadn't expected to adopt three kids, but the birth mother kept having kids! I am not LDS, incidently, but am LDS-friendly (I've stayed at Nauvoo, etc.).

Most schools in our area have before and after school programs for kids, so if you can afford it, and if your child is capable of staying with the program, there isn't too much difficulty being a full-time employed, single working parent, at least during the preschool and elementary years. Daycare is not cheap --- $800 - $1200/month or more for infant care, so plan accordingly!

I have a good friend who is a single mom who showed me how to be a good single parent. There are some advantages -- for example, of the parents in my oldest son's original daycare, probably half have now divorced or split up (professionals say that having kids often puts extreme stress on many marriages).

[aimeemarie]

How come the Lds prefer a child to have two parents? I never really understood why they feel the way they do. I figured this forum would be the best place to ask. Do they believe God knows times have changed and that single people can be good parents?

[craigery]

As a single parent, one thing that really concerns me is what would happen to my kids if something should happen to me. With two parents, that option is a bit more settled. One major, major inconvenience for me is if my work requires me to travel (which fortunately hasn't happened for awhile!), what do I do with my kids.

Families are changing. Altho in LDS culture, having large families may be the norm, in my work and home environment, most of the families and couples I know have zero, one or possibly two kids --- usually not three or more! (I live in an urban-suburban setting, where living costs are quite high). People just don't have large families anymore!

Also, in many if not most cases in my area, both parents work. Many times the woman earns more than the man. Sometimes the woman works longer hours than the man. In one family across the street from me, the dad stays home with the 4 year old, while the mom, who is an attorney, works.

So family trends now are for smaller families, with both parents working, and a very high divorce rate (up to 50% of all marriages may end in divorce!). One high schooler I spoke with said that he had zero friends where the kid lived with both birth parents!

I suppose that family structure has always been in a state of flux. One hundred years ago (and even more recently in other societies) the norm was the extended family, where the parents, children, grandparents, and even other relatives often lived on the family farm. Now the nuclear family is the norm; with elderly grandparents living separately; sometimes even RV'ing across the U.S.! (one friend sees his step dad about once a year when the dad parks his RV across from his condo!).

I have found that single parent families fit in quite well now. With a 50% divorce rate, many, many kids will be in a single parent family at least once during their lifetime. Families are smaller with fewer siblings around.

Are the changes good or bad? I'm not sure, but with increasing living costs, family structure has been forced to change. Many moms can't afford to stay at home anymore.

Rather than focusing on the negative, I think it is well to work with what we have --- what God has given us -- and create the best growing and living situation for our children, whether we are couples, singles, divorced, remarried, adoptive parents, whatever! --

Anyway, just my 2 cents worth! ---

[ladybuglady]

Hi,

The LDS church is a strong advocate for families with 2 parents. The church believes in marriage and strong family ties between the man and the woman. They beleive that children need a father and mother figure in their lives as parents and that parents need each other just as much as they need kids. Now, that does not mean that the LDS church beleives that single parents are bad, it just prefers for the family to have a mother and a father. There are many single parents in the church and in the world that are excellent parents who are having to fill both rolls. The church supports these people and has many programs in place to help them and offer resources. The church is just an advocate of forever families, with a Mommy and a Daddy.

I think that children need to have different perspectives available to them in parents so that they can see how they work together and resolve differences. However, I know that all marriages do not have that and that in many cases, the children are better off with one good parent than a good one and a bad one. I agree with the church, I believe that all children would be better off with two good parents, a male and a female, who love each other and their children. I realize that is rare in society today, but it would be nice.

I hope that answers some of your question, it is a little hard to put into words. Feel free to ask any other questions, this forum is very helpful and we will try to answer your questions!

Happy New Year!

LBL

[lifesong]

In regards to the question about LDSFS, my experience is that they are not just about finding children for homes, they are about helping birthparents find the home they want for their children, if that makes sense. Two separate needs - LDS married couples and LDS birthparents, that they are trying to fulfill with each other. Most LDS birthparents will want the family that they cannot provide.

[Krispy]

We have a women in our ward who is; very active, never married, temple worker, and a single mom of a soon to be adopted child. She is amazing! The boy came into her life while she was living in another part of the country. He is almost 12, and they are a family. She is in the process of adopting him and it should be completed soon. She is sad because she cannot be sealed to him in the temple right now, but feels the Lord creates eternal families. I don't know of anyone thinking anything of it. We all just love, and support her. Best of luck!!

[andersat]

I am also beginning the process to adopt as a single LDS woman. I am 33 years old and interestingly enough, work full time as a counselor for women in substance abuse treatment trying to reunify with or maintain custody of their young children. I am already finding it (adopting alone) a goal with a lot of impediments. Sadly, it seems like it would be an easier process if one was independently wealthy and the money was not a factor. I would be interested in talking to anyone who is the the same process or has already adopted as a single mother. Goodluck JR.

[politicog]

Originally posted by JR_outside
I have heard of successful single male adopters. I don't know any now though!

Well, I'm not so sure about the successful part yet But I am a prospective single adoptive father. I'm just starting the homestudy process.

Roger