[smithlinda]

I posted on here almost a year ago when I was discussing the possibilites of us becoming adoptive parents. We completed all the paperwork, letter to the birthmother, and collage and mailed it in this past Friday (9/7). Now I am waiting to hear back from our case worker to make sure everything is okay and we can continue w/ the homestudy. Anyways... this is when I started reading some of the suggested reading they gave me. I started with the Ensign articles b/c I could get them from lds.org pretty easily. As I was reading the ones from the birthmothers I realized how much they go through. I hadn't really thought hard about it before. I knew it was hard but I hadn't realized all the emotions and internal battles they are faced with. It really humbled me. It made me realize how much I need to do to become the mother that she wants to raise her child. I am not a bad person; there is just plenty of room for improvement. I feel very prideful now for not even thinking hard enough about this. Anyways... I just thought that I'd share my thoughts.

[aspenhall]

it is an immense responsibility for sure, but also, putting too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect can destroy relationships....I've had to learn with my dd, that stepping back and letting go sometimes accomplishes more than dilligent observation and intervention...

Bmoms are just women, sisters in every sense of the word....and just as we aren't all angels, they aren't all martyrs....No one in the triad likes to feel undue attention based on circumstances...

Getting to know bmoms here and in real life has given me a real appreciation for what they go thru, but also it allays the fears I had...and helps me not feel so nervous around them. One of my best friends in the whole world is a bmom, but I see her as just a regular woman, married with 5 kids. She's a mom period. I am one of 3 people in the world who even know she is a bmom. Not even her parents/siblings/kids know she is.

But she is just my friend and I forget she is even a bmom half the time. I found out when we adopted our dd...It brought all these emotions back up for her, and seeing me and my experience on my side of the triad completed the circle for her and she was able to get some resolution...by the same token, hearing her story completed the circle of understand for me as well, and I could let go of silly fears I had.

[smithlinda]

I never really thought of them as martyrs. I just realized how much they go through in trying to make this decision. It impressed me. I know I will never be perfect but I will continue to try to better myself. It was just that thinking of my future child's birthmother is what seems to be motivating me to self improvement. I have two friends who placed their babies for adoption but neither of them have ever talked to me about their struggles in trying to make this decision. I just found it interesting to hear it from the other perspective. I have heard lots of stories from friends who are adoptive couples but not from the birthmother's. I just feel better informed now. =)

[Rylee45]

Reading posts like this one helps me not be so angry with aparents.

My life was changed forever after giving up my baby for adoption. It was the most difficult thing I've ever dealth with and then the reunion and all the problems with her aparents and now not being able to talk to her at all because of the amom.

I'm thankful to know that aparents do read stuff about the struggles of the bmom. It really is a hurt that never goes away giving our child up.

I wish there had been a good LDS family that my daughter had gone to but unfortunately, they were nuts and shouldn't have had the right to adopt a child.

I wish there had been people like you guys out here who care about the bmom and what she goes through.

It will help the bmom so much knowing her decision to give her baby up was a good one if the child goes to a family that actually loves them and isn't adopting for some kind of "mental problem to solve" like my daughter's aparents had. They thought adopting a child would be something that would "fix their problems".

Thank you for posting things like this post. It really helps some in changing feelings towards that part of the triad.

Rylee

[smithlinda]

Wow Rylee. I am sorry you had such a bad experience. It is already difficult. I am really sorry.

I hope I am able to help our birthmother feel confident that she is doing the right thing and placing her baby in the arms of a family who will love unconditionally.