[HappyHopefulMommy]

I guess I just wanted to see if many people have failed adoptions before successful placements. My husband and I were approved to adopt through LDSFS 21 months ago. (We also have a 7 year old bilogical daughter) Last November after 15 months of "waiting" we were selected by a birth mom through parent profiles. She was 15 weeks pregnant. We talked on the phone every few weeks and emailed frequently. She lives in Michigan and we are in California. Every thing was going fine (we thought) until we lost contact with her at 37 weeks along. Finally our case worker got a hold of the birthfather and he said that she'd had the baby and they were keeping him, end of story. He would not even let our worker talk to the birth mom. And that was that. Until my worker called me I did not realize how much I had already loved this baby. Obviously he was not our baby. But, it was (still is) hard. We got our profile back on parent profiles and LDSFS (but now since it had been 20 months we needed to redo our profile). Anyways, that was about 6 weeks ago and we are still very hopeful. We know the rest of our children are out there, this takes more patience that I knew I had.

[Juliana13]

So very sorry for your loss. It's like a miscarriage - only people don't give you the "right" to mourn. They say "helpful" things like "It wasn't meant to be." or "It wasn't really your baby" and things like that. But in your heart, this baby was going to be yours, and your loss is very real, so allow yourself to feel that and get through it.

To me, the hardest part isn't my broken heart, but that of my older child. Especially since my older child was adopted, I thought, How do I explain this to her? How do I tell her in a way that she still feels the permanence and security of our family? She was excited and awaiting a new baby also. My husband and I knew what we were in for when we signed up, but it is hard to subject our children to potential confusing heartache. (Luckily her baby brother came soon after.)

And my good friend had two failed adotpions (in one, she actually held the baby boy) - before her daughter finally came home. A total of 7 years from approval to daughter. Now she has a son, too.

I pray for YOUR child's birthmother to find you soon. and for you to be comforted and strengthened in the meantime.

[wannabeamommy]

No advice, just (((((HUGS))))). I pray that your sweet baby and his/her birthmother will find you soon.

[waiting4myfamily]

I have not been in your situation, but I did want to express to you how very sorry I am to hear about it. I cannot imagine being involved in a pregnancy from 19 to 37 weeks and then just to be cut off, without even being able to talk with the birthmother. I guess having an LDS background gives us all an inner strength that we know our Heavenly Father loves us and He only wants us to be happy - however, we all also must learn that it is His time and not ours. That has been a very hard thing for us. I read another thread below that said something like was it the Spirit or was it wishful thinking - there was a great article in the Ensign a couple of months ago about this very subject. The bottom line was to continue to pray and if it is meant to happen, it will. However, I would be more comforted with a baby in my arms!!

Again, I am very sorry for your loss but very hopeful in your message that you are comforted. Best of luck to you.

V

[HappyHopefulMommy]

Thanks for your replies. It is always nice to know there are so many others wwiting for their families to grow through adoption. Our biological daugther took 2 years to conceive, but this is way harder for us. For me the failed adoption was a lot like a miscarriage, only worse. I had a miscarriage and was not attached to that 12 week embryo as much as I was to this baby. But, neither were meant to be here. I know I am not alone though and I have an amazing husband. I know that someday I will be able to see why this has happened and it will all make sense.