[Dhewco]

Hello, everyone.

I really don't think my Branch President is supportive of me. Everytime I tell him of my desire to be a single father, he suggests I should go to singles meetings and other such events. The problem with that is that they're all held a good distance away and usually cost money I don't have.

I've been burned so many times in my search for an eternal companion that I'm not sure the Lord wants that for this life. But, I do feel that he wants me to adopt. It's been my desire to be a father since I was in High School (may be hard to believe, but it's true), and I've really thought and prayed about adoption.

Don't get me wrong, I've only brought it up to the current Branch President once, and his predecessor twice...and long ago a Bishop when I was in another ward. But, I keep getting that 'eternal companion' bit. I'm hoping that when I start the home study process for my state agency (Ga DFaCS) they won't need to speak to him. Our Branch has single mothers, a foster/adoptive mother, but no such fathers...I'm feeling there's a real bias there.

David

[mom2GRLC]

I'm sorry your going through this right now.

While I know it's not what you want to hear I also would recommend focusing your attention on finding an eternal companion. Where you can raise the child in an eternal family with a mother and father.

I understand your desire to be a father to a child. Because I had that same longing to be a mother to a child and still have that strong desire to conceive a child even after our 4th adoption.

Those feelings were given to us for a special reason. So that we would desire to "multiply and replenish the earth". But God also commands for us to stay morally clean before marriage. Why? Because marriage is sacred. Because parenting is a sacred duty and obligation that should only be entered into when we are in a commited relationship with our spouse. Where we have built the foundation to be able to raise a child the way God intended.

A child deserves to be born or adopted into a home with a mother and father. A child needs a mother and father if at all possible to teach it about our whole reason fro being on this earth and about our heavenly home and family above.

I believe your desire is noble and true. But I also ask you to consider what YOU believe a child needs and wether you could "TRULY" give a child everything it needs in life and in the eternities without an eternal companion by your side?


or rather.....how much more could you give a child if you waited for you eternal companion to come along first. How much more would your life fill complete and whole?

[HelloImKara]

Hi David:

I think we all can relate to the heart ache from wanting to have a family and a sweet baby to love and nuture. It is so hard when we have righteous desires such as having a child and marrying a sweetheart and it is so hard to wait and be patient and have faith when it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong and just remember how important it is in the eternal perspective of things for a child to have the opportunity to have a mother and a father. I hope you can find some peace and a soft place to fall during this difficult time. My heart goes out to you as I know what it is like to long for a child.

[Boulderbabe]

I have a slightly different perspective, as a now inactive member and a single fost-adopt parent.

While I appreciate people's desire to form eternal families, the truth is that there are kids with no family at all right here on this earth. David, it's not as if kids in foster care have a choice between having a single parent or joining the Cleaver family. Their options are to be adopted into a loving, stable family headed by a single parent, or to spend their lives drifting from place to place in foster care.

I have a hard time believing that anybody--Bishop or no Bishop--would say that a life in the system is better than a life in a stable, loving home. The Jesus Christ that I know cared most about the sick, the helpless, and the powerless among us, and most of all, about children. And I know that the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that comes to me tells me that helping other people is our highest calling.

I truly believe that we are put here on this earth to love and care for one another. David, if you feel you are called to this---and if you really WANT to do it---forge ahead! There are many children in the system who desperately need you. (And you'd be surprised how many women are attracted to single dads---you may not be single for long!)

Good luck!

[Dhewco]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I'm going to adopt, I truly feel it is the Lord's will. I can't believe that my firm, strong, and long-held desire to adopt could be the result of the devil leading me astray.

I'm 33 years old and have been searching for my 'eternal companion' ever since I became cognizant of such. Unfortunately, it's not yet happened. But, my calling to be a father doesn't have to wait for that.


God bless everyone.

[thanksgivingmom]

i wish you the absolute best of luck in your journey!!
i think what you're doing is wonderful

[Boulderbabe]

Good luck to you! If you're adopting from foster care, come join us over at the foster parenting boards. It's a heck of a thing to make it through the system, but we all support each other. We'd love to have you join us.

[2manyks]

i think that is great. i am sure any kid in foster care would be glad to call you dad. hopefully it wont take long to find YOUR child!

[coopspa]

We have a young single man in our ward that adopted from fostercare. It is such a joy to watch them together. This little guy (6 yrs) looks at his dad like he's a super hero and you can tell the feeling is mutual. Our whole ward is supportive, we think it is AMAZING!! There are men out there like you, not many, but they are there. If you don't recieve the support you need from your leaders look elsewhere in the ward or from friends and family. Parenthood isn't easy, especially alone, but it so worth it! Good luck!

[Dhewco]

Thanks, Coops...it's good to know that I'm not the only LDS man to want to adopt as a single.

I have disappointing news...My plans are going to have to be put off a year. My car has messed up and I'm going to have to put the moving money toward fixing it. I could get a loan to fix it...but that would not be feasible right now.


David

PS, for those who don't know, I am living with parents now and planned to start the process when I found a place of my own.

[mrsred]

I am sorry to hear about your delay, I know you were very excited.

[2manyks]

when the time is right for ou to adopt everything will work out. your child must not be ready for adoption yet. i always believe things happen for a reason.