[Mom2Max]

Hello,

I have been reading through all the posts and it is nice to know that there are people out there who are going through the same experiences as us. My dh and I have finished our homestudy and we are now just waiting to find our special birthmom. We set up a profile with LDSFS and also with familyprofiles. I am wondering if anyone has any advice for us. When setting up these profiles, how do we show our sincere desire to raise a child, without sounding desperate. We can't wait to hold another baby in our arms.

[aspenhall]

each bmom is different, so what sounds sincere to one, may not to another....you need to have closest family and friends read it to make sure it is TRUE to your personalities....make very sure it sounds like you.

[lovestory]

Good luck with your adoption.

Be sincere, and open. Be yourself.

Grins,
Stephanie

[2manyks]

it's true about being you. we have 11 children and when I tried to make a profile to look like all the other couples I couldnt. we are a family, not a couple. so thats where i went with our profile. i wasnt sure if it would turn pbparents off because we had so many children, but it turns out that is what made them look at our profile, out of curiosity, and our big family made us stick out from the other families. so we had a match really quickly. you need to find out what makes you special/different and go with that. some pbm will fall in love with you for that reason.
good luck!

[fairydust159]

As a birthmom-to-be I want to place through LDSFS and have reviewed a TON of profiles... I would say originality is key for me. There are obviously certain things I look for, but you need something to make you stand out. EVERYONE under "Dear Birthparent" seems to express how much love, gratitude, etc they have for birthmoms, how selfless they are, what a difficult situation this must be, etc etc... and while that may all be true... after reading it 30-40 times it just doesnt mean as much... and i just skim over it without really reading it anymore.

EVERYONE seems to love the outdoors, movies and games.... so spice it up a bit! Instead of saying you like movies, talk about... i dunno... movie night every thursday where you make homeade popcorn and snuggle in your pajamas! Mention specific favorite movies... you'd be suprised how much you can glean from a profile with just a few specifics. Dont be afraid to talk about your quirks... they make you unique! Your secret love of oranges, how you love watching Judge Judy, even how your cat tries to kill you every morning by lying on the stairs.

One thing that is NOT a selling point for me, is travel. I've seen entire profiles talking about how much they love to travel and all the places they've been... and while travel with a child isnt impossible... are you really going to be hiking the mountains of Peru, or snorkeling in the carribbean with a baby?

Neways, thats my two cents... hope it helps!

[momtoike]

Thanks FairyDust!
As a amom the hardest part of the process for me is the birthparent letter! How do you express the things of your heart to somone so special, that you don't know? I love your take on this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I find them so helpful and valid! I will share them with some of my friends who are pre-adoptive parents if you don't mind. Sometimes we dont think that the specifics of life are so important. Thanks again for your perspective!
What newborns cant snorkle?
Rebecca

[Mom2Max]

Thank you for all the input Fairydust. You'll never guess what we have as our favorite hobby. Travel! How funny! Right after I read your comments fairydust I had to laugh... we are probably the very people you were talking about. I even wrote about our love for snorkeling. Well, now I don't know what to do. I mean we sincerely love to travel. LOL.

[aspenhall]

instead talk about where is your favorite place to travel, why? what cultures do you admire, why? etc.....

We're big traveler's too, but that wasn't the sole focus of our letter...and anyway, in the end, we got a 3.5 yr old girl and kept right on traveling!

[Mom2Max]

Thats what I'll have to do. Go back and focus more on our favorite travel destination, instead of travel in general.. We take our 2 year old with us all over the world. I think it is really amazing to see the world through the eyes of a child. It makes things even more exciting.

[snickerzaint]

Our profile went active with LDSFS two years ago this month, but we only just recently (3 months ago) listed it on parentprofiles. While our agency rep has assured us he doesn't see anything wrong with our birthmother letter or anything else in the profile, we have not had even the smallest little nibble. And we tried to make it as unique as our imaginations could possibly make it. I read all about the successes other couples have had, how they started receiving e-mails and other communication from pbms within two weeks, and we haven't heard anything from anyone EVER. It's so frustrating! But I guess the bottom line is, when the right one comes along, it will happen. I believe the Lord has a plan for each of our families, and it will all happen in His own time.

[Forever_family]

This is the best thread I've read in a long time!! Its so nice to hear both sides of this. I am struggeling writing our birth parent letter. I totally had an "ah-ha" moment while reading through. Thank you!

We lived for 2 years in the Caribbean as a family when my 6 year old was a baby and my oldest was 5-7 years, and guess what!? We LOVE to snorkle too! I also put that in our hobbies. I'm going to keep it-but after reading I will change it a little. I'm thinking of putting the most adorable description of first time snorkeling my then 5 year old daughter wrote about in Kindergarten. As a parent of a 10 year old and a 6 year old now we can travel just about anywhere (now that other life expenses don't allow it as much) and one of the most amazing things for me as a parent is to introduce my children to new/different cultures, would that be a better way to put love of travel? Both can snorkle, they both enjoy almost everything we enjoyed as a couple (okay no cliff jumping, or anything of that nature.) When I think of a baby I see a little soul who will grow and develop and I would think if a birth parent enjoys travel/snorkeling/you name it they may want a family who also shares a similar love to share with their baby, does that make sense?

L

[fairydust159]

LOL... now i feel like a shmuck for mentioning snorkeling! I swear I pulled that off the top of my head!!! I was just giving an example of activities that dont make much sense with a baby. It just makes me wonder if couples have thought through how much use that Six Flags season pass is going to get, when someone has to stay with the baby. After all... watching the choo-choo train go in circles is only fun for so long....

Neways, glad I could be of help! If you want anymore outlooks from the "other side" just let me know! Hope ya'll are doing well

[Mom2Max]

Thanks Fairydust! Your insights are very valuable to me. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell us what is appealing. I think , for me at least, I overthink everything. I try to make my profile appealing, but I don't know if some things sound dumb to pbm's.

[Tigger27]

As an LDS firstmom that has placed two daughters for adoption with two different families through LDSFS, I'll weigh in a little here to say that I agree with some of what Fairydust said also.

I also agree with what aspenhall has said in that you need to be sincere and true to your personalities. But what it comes down to is that you just need to be you and be sincere in what you say and then when the right pbmom looks at your profile, it will click with her if it's meant to be.

With both my girls when I was looking at profiles, it just clicked with me when I looked at the families profiles that I ended up placing each of my girls with. I hope that helps some.

Best of luck .

[Forever_family]

no, no, no Fairydust, don't feel bad. It is refreshing to read what you have to say. It altered my perspective on our birth parent letters and profiles. Instead of putting "travel" as a hobby and "snorkeling" we can put why, what it is about traveling/snorkling in relation to being a parent, and your post was very good at explaining what many PBP are looking for.

I've browsed the profiles at LDS as suggested by our worker and I too was concerned with how many hopefull adoptive parents talked of their love for the birth parents, the sacrifice etc. It all sounded the same to me, however, if I had not read those letters mine would have sounded very similar perhaps because adoptive parents have similar feelings-have to admit I am still struggeling with what to write?-any advice? This letter is so hard! As a mother, as a foster parent, as a human being who realizes how heart breaking this decision is, it is the ultimate sacrifice, or at least I feel that it is, I think from the LDS perspective we are in "awe" of this decision. We can't have anymore children, adoption is the only way to grow our family. For many of us Heavenly Father has let us know we are to have more chidlren and that they will come through adoption. How do you thank someone for considering something so selfless? As a foster mom every parent that I have personally worked with are not horrible monsters who abused their children outright, they are human beings placed in overwhelming circumstances without the tools or skills necessary to parent. Its been humbeling for me to see how hard they will work to gain those necessary skills that most of them did not get from their parents, the goal in foster care is always reunification. I have worked with a few birth families and I have to say even though it was very hard for me to love their chidlren as my own knowing I would say goodbye it was necessary in order to care for them the way they needed to be cared for. The pain of the day our long term foster son was reunited is undescribable. When the judge sent him home for good I was in shock. Truthfully it is something I will greive forever. I was happy for his mom, she had worked so hard, she was ready, I even felt this was as it should be and had a sense of peace about it, but the sadness and loss was very raw and it still very real. If I had the choice, to let him go or keep him??? What would I have done? I don't know how I would have chosen to let him go, The only thing I can think of is if I felt it was God's plan for him, I hate to say I don't have the faith but I honestly do not know if I would be able to have made that choice, its just amazing for me to realize there are women out there who choose this and take this gian leap of faith and trust in God that this is the family meant for their baby, how do you put that in a letter and should you put it in a letter?

It is wonderful to hear birth parents perspective.

L