[Manders]

After browsing through the other forums and reading story after story from other adoptees about how sad they are and how they don't get along with their adoptive families, I felt very upset. I'm upset with them and their attitudes towards the wonderful chance they've been given at a more stable life (true for the majority of the case, but not all).

It also made me reflect on my own experiences as an adoptee. I am happy. I know I'm in the family I was meant to be with. I know I'll be with them forever and always.

After giving birth to my older sister, my mom was told she wouldn't be able to have any more children. With that, she and my father turned to adoption and now they have myself and four boys. We may not look like each other, but we're as much a family as every other family who has their children born to them.

I don't know exactly what the point of this is, but I do feel that I need someone to know that I'm happy. I need someone to know that I'm not resentful in anyway towards my birthmother, who did a courageous thing. I need someone out there, in the adoption world, to know that I know my Heavenly Father got me where I need to be.

Adoption is beautiful.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

Thank you for sharing that. It is good to hear that as an adoptive mother. We have just been placed with a sib set of 3 through our county and are so grateful we can give them an eternal family.

[Eternal_Family]

It is good to hear when adoption can be a beautiful and amazing opportunity for all the people involved. I am happy your family became your forever family.
- - - - - - - -
December 2008: Married + Sealed
January 2009: Started journal + adoption portfolio
February 2009: Picked Baby Names
March 2009: Joined adoption community online

[Dickons]

Originally Posted by Manders

After browsing through the other forums and reading story after story from other adoptees about how sad they are and how they don't get along with their adoptive families, I felt very upset. I'm upset with them and their attitudes towards the wonderful chance they've been given at a more stable life (true for the majority of the case, but not all).

It also made me reflect on my own experiences as an adoptee. I am happy. I know I'm in the family I was meant to be with. I know I'll be with them forever and always.

After giving birth to my older sister, my mom was told she wouldn't be able to have any more children. With that, she and my father turned to adoption and now they have myself and four boys. We may not look like each other, but we're as much a family as every other family who has their children born to them.

I don't know exactly what the point of this is, but I do feel that I need someone to know that I'm happy. I need someone to know that I'm not resentful in anyway towards my birthmother, who did a courageous thing. I need someone out there, in the adoption world, to know that I know my Heavenly Father got me where I need to be.

Adoption is beautiful.

Manders,

I strongly disagree with your statement about reading story after story about adoptee's being sad, not getting along etc.

Yet you have not referenced a single post...neither have you counter balanced with all the posts about having the best families...

Regards,
Dickons

[Manders]

Originally Posted by Dickons

Manders,

I strongly disagree with your statement about reading story after story about adoptee's being sad, not getting along etc.

Yet you have not referenced a single post...neither have you counter balanced with all the posts about having the best families...

Regards,
Dickons

Dickons,

Referencing posts wasn't exactly on my mind at the time when I wrote this.

Last summer I spent a good amount of time thinking about adoption and everything it has done for me. I felt an overwhelming amount of gratitude towards my parents for being as wonderful as they are. There was a part of me that wanted to know what other adoptees felt and if the strong feeling of belonging and being where Heavenly Father intended me to be was more common than I thought. I came onto this website to see if I was as alone in my happiness as I felt

During my browsing through the forums I was shocked and saddened by all the posts about adoptees who felt out of place and as if there was something missing in their lives. At that time when I was seeking for others feeling the way I do, the happy and content adoptees seemed few and far between.

My reasons for posting were less about referencing what stories I'd read and what the ratio of unhappy to happy adoptees is, as they were more about getting a little bit of my own story out there for people to read. I just needed someone to know how I feel.

If you come across stories about adoptees having the most wonderful family, feel free to share them with me; I'd love to read them.


Manders

[Dickons]

Manders,

Then why did you not simply post your story? This is an honest attempt to understand.

Many adoptees who regularly post on this board have the best adopted family, Dpen and I regulary josh back and forth over whose family is better. We also have normal everyday issues that we post about and we also want to help each other through those issues and yes, most of the issues surround the topic of adoption. But each segment of the population has issues relevant to their unique situation, our issues are relevant to our unique situtation, it is natural and healthy to look inside ourselves and work on them.

If you are wanting to read 'happy stories' then go look at our responses to adopted parents who are hurting...we post to support them or to give them an idea of what their child may be feeling...most of my answers come from what I learned from my mom and dad and the wisdom and love they provide/provided me.

Something tells me that you may be conflicted...you say you have a great family but you are still feeling alone.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[EZ2Luv]

I guess then you missed my posts too because I make no secret in sharing how wonderful my life is and has been as an adoptee.
In all honesty, when I read your post, I thought, "surely she must be talking about a different site" because there are sites on the internet that represent angry adoptee.

One of the reasons I choose to stay here is because there is a healthy balance and if anything I read more happy stories then bad.

Sure there are people who share their struggles in reunion, but that doesn't mean that they are noy happy or angry with their parents.
Adoption happens and just because some adoptees have a need to reunite or find their bfamilies, does not mean they are against their afamilies.

EZ

[Manders]

I posted this last August. I don't remember what posts I read, I don't remember coming across all that many happy and content posts at the time. All I remember was feeling so upset and sad for the people I saw on these boards (and others, I wasn't looking only at this site) who were unhappy and felt like they didn't belong. I wish I would have come across more happy stories; maybe I just stumbled across the sad ones. Maybe I unintentionally avoided the happy ones in order to make myself feel more elated and joyful about the fact that I love my parents. I don't know.

I am in no way trying to make it sound like I'm the only happy adoptee and no one else is. If I'm coming across that way, then I apologize. But like I said before, my posts haven't had the intention to point out the ratio of unhappy to happy adoptees.

And why not post my story? It's developing. It's personal. It's emotional. Until I feel like I have everything sorted out, I just want people to know I'm happy and I love my parents with all my might.

And yes, Dickons, I do have a great family but still feel alone. I have four brothers who were all adopted but each of us have such aunique adoption situation that there are things I've experienced and have yet to experience that they won't understand. My friends can't comprehend what I've experienced and my mother tries her best. In the end, I'm the one who's experienced it all and knows exactly what it feels like.

That doesn't change the fact that I'm happy as can be and I know I'm where God wanted me to be on earth. Being adopted by my parents always has been and always will be the greatest blessing in my life.

[Eternal_Family]

I think it is miscommunication on everyone’s part. If something does not necessary sound right to you, take it how it should sound. I think she wanted to share her feelings / story, not offend anyone. Maybe she had not heard any good stories.

I heard one that broke my heart -

Originally Posted by jlallinson

I gave my daughter up for adoption 18 years ago. Social services told me that I would be able to start contact when she was 18 years old (her parents were also told she could find me at 18). Well, when she turned 18 I was rudely turned away or completely ignored. My daughter was searching for me and she was completely turned away too. She was told "it is not worth it" and "you won't like what you find". I cannot believe that anyone from the church could be so judgemental and crude. I am having a hard time getting past it. I consider myself a stalwart member. I don't think it is their job to keep families apart. (especially ones with support from all sides). How can people be so hurtful. My adopted daughter drove 3 hours by herself to the office she was adopted out of just to find some information. They completely turned her away. Anyway we found each other on our own and our reunion has been amazing. We have a large "extended family" as her parents put it. Social services needs to know that reunion can be good. It has helped heal so many wounds and close so many gaps. We are truly going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving this year!

However, I am aware that the process can either be beautiful or detrimental depending on the level of hurt, resentment, insecurities and understanding of each person involved. Not every story is good, but not every story ends bad.

[Eternal_Family]

Originally Posted by Eternal_Family

I think it is miscommunication on everyone’s part. If something does not necessary sound right to you, take it how it should sound. I think she wanted to share her feelings / story, not offend anyone. Maybe she had not heard any good stories.

I heard one that broke my heart -




However, I am aware that the process can either be beautiful or detrimental depending on the level of hurt, resentment, insecurities and understanding of each person involved. Not every story is good, but not every story ends bad.

The beginning of the story broke my heart. Sorry for not being more specific. The ending was happy.

[Dickons]

Manders,

I think you can be a happy and love your family and still feel alone. It is what it is...

I love my mom and dad and cannot imagine growing up (and still growing up) without them. I would never not want them to be my parents. I love life, my life, but there are still issues surrounding being adopted and trying to sort those issues out while still being true to myself and the loyalties I feel, it is confusing and it is also conflicting.

Take care,
Dickons

[Teenmom2007]

I found out I was adopted through anger. Okay let me explain...My parents divorced when I was young and my dad remarried and I harldy saw my mom (she's a druggie) well...she called my cell one day and he of course was high and angry. She said that "my dad" wasn't my biological father. I being 16 was upset and hurt. I acted out of rebellion, and eventually had gotten pregnant.
I decided I wanted to leave NC and go into foster care (PM if you want info on agency I went through) in UT. My boyfriend was into smoking pot and being with his band rather than me and the baby.
I stayed with a great couple who couldn't have kids. I became apart of their family and they mine. Christmas 2007 I announced to them I would like them to adopt my baby that would be due april 2008.
By this time I was 17.
I ended up graduating and my foster/adoptive mom helped me apply for college, and get my life started again.
April came around and I had my daughter on Easter. I placed two days later. The nurses at the hospital were shocked when the adoptive fmaily were taking me home too. The adoptive mother smiled and sad "Why not? she's apart of our family, she's our oldest daughter".
I ended moving a week after haivng my baby only 45 min away to college and came home on the weekend.
I met my husband 2 months after placing and ended up getting pregnant in october (6months after placing). I married in May 2008 and had my now 9month old son in July 2008.
My adoption is open and tho I have my own life and attending school still, I always see my adoptive couple and my daughter (Infact it was her 2nd birthday two days ago). Her and my son get along well. We plan on telling her that I'M her birth mother when she is old enough to comprehend the idea.
TO this day I'm still teh daughter of their family.
I felt like my daughter (Hanna Christian) was born for them, I felt like even tho the man I thought was my father was meant to be my father.
The couple couldn't have kids, and I was their hope for children.
I know Christian will know I did what I did because I love her. The more I see her, the more I knew she was meant for that family and I know she will understand that she is loved more than she realizes.

[Eternal_Family]

Teen Mom that is a nice story.

[Teenmom2007]

Thanks, I was very fortunate to have been in the situation I was in when I placed. Not alot of Birthmom's can say the same