[susy...patience]

Dear LDS Forum,
I was born/raised in the church but have not been active for many years. I am just finishing up an international adoption and will be traveling to complete the adoption in a few days. The adoption stirs up in me all sorts of feelings about how I want to raise this child. Like, should I should give her a religious background by going back to church even though the church would in many ways not approve of me as an adoptive mother (I am single, older, with demanding career, and this will be my first and only child).

I visiting the country on Easter Sunday and felt compelled to go to church on that day so I did. I met some kind missionaries and in addition know someone who knows the stake patriach there.

My question is: How do you think the stake patriach/mission leaders would feel about meeting with me and giving the baby a special blessing while we are in her country? I'd like to do so as a way to mark this amazing event/pray for her safety & a good transition but I also don't want to offend anyone or be hypocritical. I'd appreciate any feedback/thoughts you have,
Susy

[Lumpkin]

What a wonderful thought. Any opportunity for those fine priesthood holders to exercise their priesthood, while providing a service, and allowing you and your new child to feel the presence of God through the spirit present at such an occasion would be a gratifying experience for them indeed.

I wouldn't worry one bit about them being put off by the idea that you may not have been active in the church for awhile, or that you do not fit the category that you seem to think would be the ideal mom. A good priesthood holder would not care, except to beam with joy that you felt the love of Christ in your heart prompting you to seek out your Heavenly Father at such a wonderful turning point in your life. If anyone would be offended by such a request, it would be them that would be the hypocrite.

[aspenhall]

I would be surprised to find anyone "not accept you" at church or frown on your position in life. Our church's beliefs is NOT the same as the CULTURE some members have held on to. And anyone who judges you has a PERSONAL problem, it's not a churchwide belief system that you'd be challenging.

Lots of change has happened in the past few years as the church has grown. Less people subscribe to the "old culture" way of thinking. DEFINATELY contact someone for a blessing ANY TIME you feel like it.

A blessing isn't something that requires anything of the reciever, except Faith, and if you didn't have faith that a blessing can make a difference, you wouldn't think of asking for one would you? I'd say, in addition to your child, you ought to get one for yourself as well, to have the extra strength to deal with all the changes and stuff that comes with adoption and parenting.

If I were older, and unmarried, I would adopt a child as well. Yeah, a child should ideally have a mom AND dad, but for a child with NEITHER, then at least he'd have a one right? The church doesn't teach against having a career, only that if there is a way for one parent (not necessarily the mom) to stay at home, it's best....but really, being unmarried, having a career and adopting a child are in no way considered sins by any stretch of the imagination!

Please don't let the predjudices of past members hold you back or make you afraid. Whoever gave you the impression you'd not be welcome at any stage of of your life no matter your choices, should be ashamed of themself! It's people like that who make me embarrasssed for our church, and it ticks me off royally (if you can't tell).

I don't act the part of a "mormon housewife" and I certainly don't dress like it. And I am a total punk rock person, but that has nothing to do with the church, or my testimony...I want people to look at me and wonder why I have callings...maybe they'll get an answer "it only matters what's in your heart" and quit judging people!

It's a Utah mentality of some percieved ideal to strive for, the same look, hairdo, home decor BLECH! Do you know I don't have a single picture of Christ in my house....by some peoples accounts that makes me unrecognizable as even being a member! I don't shop at deseret book (spencer's gifts and hot topic is more like it).

And no one in my ward even bats an eyelash, in fact I think I get more compliments when I dress a bit outrageous (I wore a black corset on the on top of my shirt 2 weeks ago). The funny thing is, most people of my generation (30's) are JUST LIKE ME....so actually it's the blonde, floral wearing, 40-something crew that stands out.

Here's the best part....if anyone dares ask you a question meant to humiliate you or isn't any of their business, the best response EVER is to simply smile and reply with "Why do you ask?"

If they can answer without stammering and backtracking they're probably a genuine person with geinuine interest in you.

[susy...patience]

Well, I did it...the stake patriach I know through some connections came to me and gave both the baby and me a blessing. It meant a lot to me, thank you to those of you who encouraged me to do it.

[aspenhall]

GREAT! That's wonderful. And anytime in the future things get overwhelming, please don't hesitate to ask again.
Good Luck with your new role as parent!

[hrisme]

I actually did help a single, older, LDS woman adopt--and initially there was a lot of judgement from her ward, including her bishop. A lot of questioning whether or not it was fair for a child not to be sealed in the covenant--like languishing in an orphanage is a better option??? Once the baby came home, the entire ward fell in love with her. I only did post-adoption support for this family for a couple of months, but I hadn't heard of any major problems at our last visit. I hope your adjustment period goes as well!

[Lumpkin]

I think that the "languishing in an orphanage" thing is something that people don't consider. They are simply weighing the thought of "single parent" vs "two parents" in their mind, and have difficulty accepting the single parent option.

As a Branch President for several years, if an unmarried woman came to me and said that she was planning to have a baby on her own, I would counsel against it unless there was something WAY extraordinary that I cannot even think of at this time (maybe pregnant with recently deceased husband's child?). Given that frame of mind, I would find it difficult to counsel for an adoption by a single parent for many of the same reasons.

That being said, I would simply counsel. I would not be judgmental, and would be supportive of the decision either way. I can see how counseling, honest information, and maybe some overzealous members might make it seem like people are being judgmental, but I would hope that was not the case or intent. I hope this mother finds great support in her decision, and has a wonderful opportunity to raise her child in the church, if she so decides.

[Eternal_Family]

Every Child deserves a blessing. It is a good thing you gave her one.
- - - - - - - - - -
12/08 – Married + Sealed
01/09 – Journals + Adoption Portfolio
02/09- Picked baby names
03/09 – joined online adoption community