[LDSmom]

Hello,
I've been thinking of adoption for a while now - I have an almost 3 year old and would love to have another baby but can't seem to conceive. I was wondering what the adoption process was like for many of you.

How long did it take?
Was it love at first sight?
Any complications with the whole process?

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[aspenhall]

It took me personally about 2 years exactly from the DAY we picked up the paperwork, till the DAY we were notified that we had a match (that resulted in a placement)

It was not love at first sight....I haven't met a single amom who didn;t go through some sort of transition/adjustment process and most moms take about 9 months AFTER placement to feel "bonded" and like the child is "theirs"....kind of a classic gestation period, but with the added job of active parenting...

Not sure what you mean by complications...Was it all easy, no bumps and smooth going?? No...nothing is perfect, especially adoption. Do I have any regrets about how it was all handled?? No, it all went as well as it could. There was soft holds where we weren't picked (over 60 times) and one failed match before we got our daughter. ....and she turned out to be a 3.5 yr old rather than an infant like you picture expecting...but it all happened just the way it was meant to be! Bumps and all

[LDSmom]

I'm glad that it worked for you finally. What does soft holds mean? I guess I should do more reading...

[Juliana13]

Soft hold is when an agency puts your file on tentative hold, when an expectant mom is seriously considering you. They don't show you to other expectant moms until that emom has made a decision about you. You are on firm hold when an emom picks you.

As for our experience, For our first adoption, it was about 8 months from when we started out paperwork until we were picked. (3 months from the time our paperwork cleared.) And another 3 months until our daughter was born. No complications, the agency was amazed at how smooth the whole process was for us. (They told us to be prepared - that they'd never had a smoother process, so the next one would surely be rougher. Oh, they were sooooo right!) Love at first sight? I fell head over heels in love with her from the moment I heard about her. But the funny thing is, when she was placed in my arms - after we got home, I just stared at her thinking, "So YOU are my daughter? Huh." She seemed like a stranger to me. It took a couple of days before I can say we truly bonded. But I wasn't worried. I am a nurse, and sometimes worked in Maternity. Many new bio-moms don't feel bonded for the first few days. You would not believe how many ask if there is something wrong with them. It can take a little time, bio child or adopted.

On the other hand, we visited our second child in the hospital, in the birthmother's room. I instantly felt like I was his mother, and he was my son. It WAS love at first sight, for both me and my husband. He mentioned how hard it was to leave the hospital that day, and not have our son with us, even though we were going back to get him the next day. He said he just wanted to sleep in the hospital lobby, to be as close as he could.

That second adoption took longer, though, about 17 months until we were picked my his birthmom, then another 2 until he was born. He fits perfectly into our family , though, and I would not change a thing. His adoption was more "bumpy" - legal mistakes - by ALL THREE parties involved, our lawyer, the agency, AND bmom's agency's lawyer. It was an interstate adoption, and the mistakes had to do with differing requirements by different states. But we had to start all over with everything, including TPR, when our son was almost a year old. I about lost it emotionally. it was so hard.

Good luck deciding. After all is said and done, both experiences, especially our moments with the birthmothers, were so beautiful and even spiritually amazing, that I actually felt just a little sorry for those who just HAVE their children and miss out on the adoption experience.

[aspenhall]

Yeah, funny me too! I always go "oh how sad" when someone hasn't adopted LOL

[JillnChris]

We started our adoption in June of last year and are expecting our daughter to be home around October (if all goes well). We are doing an international adoption from Guatemala. Once we got the go ahead from our agency and saw our daughters picture YES it was love at first sight. But I know it is not that way for everyone. If you do end up adopting you will learn that nothing is easy about this process. But you will become so strong and learn so much because of it. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything and feel so blessed to have been matched with our daughter.
Wishing you luck in whatever you decide.

[LDSmom]

I really appreciate all your comments and sugestions. I've contacted the LDS agency and they are sending me a DVD to look over. My biggest obsitcle right now would be getting my house in Colorado sold (we live in Wyoming) until then our budget is a little tight.

[rottymom]

My first adopted daughter was "love at first sight". She was a meant to be and fit perfectly into our family. My next girl took some time to fit into the family but I bonded immediately. We currently have a foster baby and I am finding it very difficult to bond...I am almost having regrets, so he may just be temperary. You need to bond with the child and the child needs to know that they are number one with you. I am giving myself a little more time but if after a month I am not feeling motherly to him I will move on...sometimes it just doesn't work out.

[aspenhall]

Keep in mind, the baby could attachment issues, and if so, you won't feel a bond, ecause of his issues.