[js129]

I am an adoptive parent about to write my first letter to the dear birth mother. Our son is now 3 months old. The birth mother is not LDS (it was a private adoption - a mutual doctor put us in touch). I was just wondering what most people write about when they send letters. Thanks

[2manyks]

she probably cant wait to get a letter. i write or call every few weeks. it doesnt have to be long. just tell her about the babys temperment, how much he eats, how often. a favorite song you like to sing to him and things you like to do with him. our bmom even likes to hear about what kind of formula he drinks. keep it casual or as serious as your personality is. no matter what you write she will love it!

[Juliana13]

The birthmothers for my two children have LOVED getting letters and pictures. Their favorites are the everyday stuff. What makes your baby smile? What makes him/her cry? They want to hear how much you love your child. They want to hear from the dad, too, since that is a big reason they placed. And don't forget to tell teh birthmom how much she herself means to you, how you honor and love her, and know how much she loves her baby.

As for the pictures, send a lot. And not just posed, cutesy pictures (although, at three months, that's about all there are!) But a little later, sent the covered in oatmeal ones, or the one with him wearing underwear on his head.

Many birthmoms LOVE getting handprints or footprints.

Good luck! I sent letters every month for the first year, to each birthmom. Although it was so har sometimes (didn't feel like it, was EXHAUSTED, had no time, etc.) I now have a journal detailing my children's first year - all their adorable and funny things, and how much we love them. Otherwise it would have all disappeared into a big blur. I love to go back and read them, and my kids now love them too.

[kalinka]

Write the letter already!

What difference does it make if she's Mormon or not? Talk about what you have in common: this beautiful baby. You should be able to write twenty pages about that!!! Write a few pages about what is going on now and then send more stories as soon as possible.

Write to her about how you've taken so long because you've not known what to say. That will help her realize that she's not alone in not knowing how to build this relationship. Make sure to honor any commitments you have made in the past, especially from your last meeting (if that applies).

The most important thing is being honest and building a trusting relationship. If you tell her you're going to do something, DO IT! Don't make excuses

Send lots and lots of photos. If you have a digital camera and a good program, you can easily make wonderful scrapbook pages and journal the photos for her. Make copies - for the birth parents, and for the life book...Grandparents may like you to do something similar for them!!!

This doesn't need to be hard. Writing letters to my two daughters' birth mothers is so rewarding. We do it monthly. We actually completely opened up (letters, e-mails, phone calls, visits) our first adoption right after finalization because the communication over that year had gone so well we felt like it was silly to go through the agency anymore. Our second adoption, the birth mom didn't want as much openness and so we just send stuff to a file at the agency until she is ready for it. I wish that their birth fathers were in the picture, too. Maybe someday we'll be able to make copies for them, but for now we just keep all of them in our prayers and hearts.

Good luck.

[ticchick]

I know in the letter I got from my baby's aparents they let me know things about his development, what his personality was like, things he liked and disliked, what words he was saying (this was at a year), etc. It was neat to hear all that. They also sent me a picture at 6 months and then at 1 year, which I have treasured. They also told me how much they loved me and were so thankful that I gave them the chance to be parents. I still have that letter and I still read it now and then.

[Eternal_Family]

When we begun writing a dear birth mom letter. We too were puzzled at what to say. Me being the better writer between my husband and me, I just thought about what I would want to know if I were picking a family for a child. The same with your child’s birth mom. Tell her the things she is missing, the things she would want know if it she were there...your baby’s first words, smile, laugh, walk or rolling over.

- - - - - - - - - -
Tahina & Steven
12/08 – Married + Sealed
01/09 - Started journal + Adoption Portfolio
02/09 - Picked baby names
03/09 - Joined online adoption community